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How to Write a Famous Blog

How to Write a Famous Blog

In 13 easy steps!

Author: Mother Cusser/Tuesday, September 16, 2014/Categories: Cussing

 <<Definitely use ironic, hilarious pictures like this one!!

 

 

 

 

 

Recently I have had like 100 different people say to me, “Mother, I have been thinking about starting a blog but I don’t know where to start.  Can you help?”

Of course, my darlings, I reply. 

What follows is my advice on how to start an award winning blog.

 

1.        Marry a Marketing person who has experience in web development and web design.  This is the most important tip.  Without my Little Pumpkin Pie I would not have had this awesome looking website.  He is the one who built the site and he is the one who designed my adorable Mother Cusser logo. 

2.       Come up with a cool name by asking your college roommate what you should call your blog. I have found it’s important that you have a funny college roommate for this to work. Otherwise, you could end up being called Winona Writer and your name isn’t even Winona.

3.       Write a blog. This is also the most important tip. You have to write things, a lot!  If you don’t write things, you are in fact, not a blogger.  You are just someone who married a web developer. 

4.       But HOW do you write a blog?  What I did was I sat down for a day and just made an editorial calendar for the year. I looked at upcoming national holidays, family occasions, and milestones like school starting and losing a tooth.  I also looked at the market and who I thought would be reading my work. I estimated their personal and socio economic statuses to determine what kind of content would appeal to them.  Then, I detailed the calendar with postings needing to be every two days.  One I had all of this concrete data and blog topic planning done, I made the calendar with “page view” (how many times the blog gets viewed) goals so that I could benchmark my success.

5.       Hahahahahahaha. I did not do any of that.  But it all sounds like a good idea.

6.       What I did do was sit at my computer a lot and ask LPP what I should write about. 

7.       Then one day, when Miley Cyrus does something stupid – start writing. 

8.       Have opinions. But don’t be an ass about it, like that bully, Todd Starnes. That guy continually annoys the living daylights out of me as he recently wrote about how we need to bring junk food back into our cafeterias.  Todd Starnes loves to pour sugar down the throats of children, but we already knew that didn't we?  Anyway, just CARE about what you’re saying.  And say things that make sense and aren’t stupid, like the way I do it.  NOT the way Todd Starnes does it.

9.       Have a thick skin. When one of your blogs gets famous, people will come out of the woodwork to tell you how much you suck.  The thing is – it’s not the strangers that hurt. It’s when it’s people you know. These people will call you by your first name, they will point out they knew you in 5th grade, they will feel like THEY are the only ones who can really disagree with your points.  What’s totally unfair about that is THEY put YOU in a position to argue with them.  You don’t want to argue with your friends, especially when your platform is that of a sassy-mouthed Mother Cusser. You want their support.  You want to tell them, “Please, just support me and shut up.  You don’t agree with me? Send me an email.  Don’t disparage me, reveal that you know me in “real life,” or threaten to “unlike” my facebook page – all in front of my fans. To me, that’s equivalent to me going into your office and yelling at your clients that I think your work is subpar.  I am trying to build a fan base here and be successful.  If you’re my friend you will shut up and pat me on the back – even when you disagree.  And that’s not even mentioning the people who think they posted to me anonymously under names like Batman.  I can see everything and know exactly who everyone is, you dummies.

10.   Be ready for people in your community to do the following – talk about what a jerk you are to their friends and simultaneously read every single word you write and secretly laugh and love it. 

11.   Write REAL.  Give yourself to the work. But be ready to feel self-conscious when people you don’t really know or like know stuff about you.  It’s a double edged sword, for sure.

12.   Go on TV.  That’s a lot of fun!  And it got me like 50 new Twitter fans.

13.   The final most important thing to do when starting a blog?  Don’t do it for the money. Don’t do it for the fame. Don’t do it because you think I make it look easy.  Don’t do it because you’re a busybodyknowitallToddStarnes.   Don’t do it for any of those reasons. 


Do it because you love writing. 

All joking aside, that’s why I started it. I never expected anyone would read it except LPP and my Mom.  I never even told anyone about it. In fact, I still don’t.

That should be enough advice to get you rolling! 

Good luck, new bloggers.  And don't even think about stealing the name Winona Writer.  I own it. 

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