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Godzilla-sized Mosquitos coming to a beach near you!

Godzilla-sized Mosquitos coming to a beach near you!

You're going to need a laser powered bug zapper for these guys.

Author: Mother Cusser/Monday, March 11, 2013/Categories: 95,748 Pets

Hey great news Florida!  In addition to having alligators, poisonous snakes and a huge population of chain smoking rednecks you will now have giant mosquitos – the size of quarters!  Really!

Article here:  http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/257493.php

My favorite quote from this is:

"The bite really hurts, I can attest to that," Kaufman said. The pain has been described as being knived.

So this summer you will encounter mutant sized gangster bloodsuckers who knife you while you’re trying to enjoy a Jimmy Buffet-style margarita (not sure what a jimmy buffet-style margarita is;  perhaps it has pot in it?  Or sharks). 

That lime looks suspicious.  

But don’t worry! DEET will stop them!  Oh wait, DEET won’t stop them because they are enormous and they carry knives.  But DEET might give them cancer which means they’ll die eventually but not after stabbing you and your family as you attempt your traditional family beach badminton (by the way, why is “badminton” spelled that way but pronounced “bad mitton”?). And let’s face it – if they are this big and aggressive they are probably highly intelligent.  They probably have already set up mutant mosquito cancer centers to cure DEET related tumors and so even cancer won’t stop them.  

Never fear – Mother Cusser has a plan.  We will spray the beaches with apple juice and sheep’s blood and we’ll fly in those killer bees from Texas and they can duke it out, because everyone knows sheep's blood and apple juice pretty much solve anything!

And this plan has also solved the problem of HIV. You're welcome.

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