Will you ever be over my divorce?

<<--This person I don't know is still not over it.

Author: Mother Cusser/Thursday, April 11, 2013/Categories: DIVORCE..., Top Ten and Five Lists

I haven't talked to you in like, two weeks!!! In those two weeks there was spring break and my honeymoon. I skied quite well, thanks, and we had a ball.

Since I’ve been back:

1. My cat got hit by a car and died. I enlisted the help of a school official to chat with the Lawyer as he takes these animal deaths to heart. This person proceeded to first discuss the deaths of the animals and then decided it was appropriate to ask him about the divorce saying “Even the happiest divorces have sad kids,” and “Some parents don’t like for it to be brought up because it makes them feel sad.” I asked him if he felt that way and he snorted, rolled his eyes and said “Of course not.” I would like to know at what point is it going to be okay for my kids to be adjusted to this? Evidently this particular person is still having adjustment issues. I don’t even know them. It’s amazing how deep divorce goes, isn’t it? All the way to people you don’t even know. I hope they get through it all okay. It can be tough.

2. ExMan is on a trip with his Lady. It’s cool because he doesn’t have cell access but he can Facetime the kids. We were all out to eat and the Lawyer got a call on his iPod and up popped ExMan and they all got to talk. Isn’t that amazing? A camera phone! We’ve come so far from Zack Morris’s bus-sized cellular telephone that took up the entire side of his head when he talked.

How did Zack avoid a giant face tumor?

3. Did I tell you I turned 40?

4. Is 40 old? It sounds SO old.

5. I don’t feel old.

6. I look fantastic.

7. Therefore by the transitive properties of looking fantastic and feeling not old - I am not old. Yet.

8. While I was on my honeymoon a woman from California, who upon discovering we were from Nashville, said she would make every effort to not think of us as Duck Dynasty. “What a nice lady!” I said as I spit out my tobbacky and shot a deer that happened to be passing by. LPP agreed saying “Yep,” as he pulled a fried squirrel out of his beard and proceeded to munch on it. I think everyone agrees when I say people from California are SO AWESOME!

Just look at that view!! See it? It's behind all of the pollution! I promise it's pretty. Take my word for it.

9. Colorado loves classic rock. That’s all we heard everywhere we went. There was a live band inside one of the buildings at the bottom of the slopes. Since LPP and I were sitting outside, the band was unseen to us – only heard. We scoffed at the terrible timing of the drums. How could anyone not hear how horrible this drummer was? Dropped another beat! Eric Clapton is rolling over in his grave! So is Creedence Clearwater and whoever wrote the song Free Bird! Since LPP and I are seasoned musicians – from Nashville of all places, where we have live music playing in the port-o-potties at kids’ soccer games – we were especially offended at the lack of syncopation in Landslide, Love me two times and Stairway to heaven. “LPP!” I said. “Get us beers so that we may numb our ears to this awful drumming!” “Yes!” he agreed, saying “We will put the beers directly into our ears!” About 5 minutes later LPP came shuffling over to the table. “Did the band look as horrible as they sounded?” I asked, as if I were someone from California. “Umm. The drummer is like 8 years old. He’s like a kid. Looks like one of ours actually.”

10. Oops.