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National Lampoon’s Tims Ford Lake Vacation

National Lampoon’s Tims Ford Lake Vacation

I'm exaggerating. We just went on a trip to the lake.

Author: Mother Cusser/Tuesday, June 25, 2013/Categories: Pumpkin Pie, ADHD, Funny, funny, funny

We went on a great trip last week as a part of our summer vacation.  LPP’s sister has a house on the lake and we stayed there with her and her husband and our 797 (just four, but sometimes it seems like 797) kids.  We boated and jet skied.  We hot tubbed and jumped off high dives.  One rainy day we even went to the Aquarium.  FUN!

It was really awesome.  It was.  But as you can imagine it’s a lot of work.  It’s like being in constant motion.  The minute you sit down a child appears and needs something.  You get that something for that particular child.  You sit down. Another one appears!  This one also seems to need something – food maybe.  You tell them to go get the food but then realize they can’t reach it.  You get food for child.  You sit down.  Another child appears!!   This one cannot find his own shoes.  You tell him to go find them.  He cannot. You get up and find shoes for child.  You sit down.  Oh lordy, another child has appeared!  This child would like you to see a cool dead beetle he found in the yard.  He’s so excited about it that you simply cannot tell him anything but, “A dead beetle?  I must see it!!”  


I did NOT want to miss that!


You get up to see beetle.  You sit down.  GUESS WHAT HAPPENS?  Right. A child appears.  

This goes on for the entire time we are awake.  It often is what wakes us up in the morning.  I cannot tell you how many times I have woken up with one or two of them staring at me.  I used to startle but now I can hear them coming in my sleep. The door handle moves just a little bit and I can hear the soft padding of their feet on the carpet grow louder as they reach MY side of the bed.  

They ALWAYS go to my side. It doesn’t matter which child it is. If there is something to show, to discuss, to decide, to cook, to find, to hear, to fix – they come to me first thing in the morning.  One morning a child came running in.  “Miss Julie! Miss Julie!” he said excitedly.  I peeled my eyes open to see him approximately 3 centimeters from my face.  “What is it?” I replied groggily.  I was thinking that something was wrong or something broke or something in general needed something for something.  “On Wipeout there’s a guy who’s a contestant and he is a world champion at playing a video game!!!!!!!!”  Once I determined that sentence to not be an emergency I croaked, “Cool!” at him and it seemed to do the trick and he left.

Another time he woke me up to tell me that there was a show on the Loch Ness Monster on TV, RIGHT THEN!  (I did get up for that one.  It sounded interesting.  It wasn’t. They didn’t find anything new.  What’s that all about anyway, why are they still looking and why do I care about it? Have you ever seen that Big Foot reality show?  So dumb.  But still I have seen at least 3 episodes).

Another child woke me up to “Mommy, I keep pulling bugs out of my hair.”  His brother was with him but wasn’t interested in the bugs statement. “Where’s my ipod?” he asked.  Groggily I looked at the bugs. It was only dirt from the lake, I told him.  And your ipod is in my purse.  I looked over to LPP whose eyes were open.  “What way to wake up,” I said, sighing.  

And you know what he said? He said, “Good morning, beautiful.  I love you.  Is that a better way to wake up?”  He really actually said that.  What a guy.  Never mind that the night before we considered getting in the hot tub after swimming in the lake as a “shower.”  Never mind that as a result of that my going to bed with wet hair meant that I now resembled the lead singer from White Snake.  Never mind that the “shower” really only smeared make up all around my eyes instead of eliminating it.  So in addition to the lead singer of White Snake, I also resembled a zombie.  A lake/chlorine smelling, White Snake hair zombie.  


This is what I look like without the zombie make up.

Who had a huge smile on her face.  I considered giving him a kiss but figured I’d scar him for life.  Besides, guess what happened?  That’s right.  

A child appeared.  This one was drinking a Pepsi and complaining that they don’t like blueberry muffins and if one is on his plate he will freak out and when can we go to the lake and can we go tubing and fishing and jet skiing again and what happens after that and can I drive the boat too? My brother got to and that’s not fair.   

Back to our relaxing vacation!

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