I’m so excited!

There is a name for something I’ve been doing for years, it’s a cool name and I found an article that is totally in favor of it!  

What exactly have I been doing for years, you ask?  Is it binge eating cupcakes? Kissing my dog on the lips?  Trying to learn Eye of the Tiger on the piano?  

NONE OF THOSE THINGS.  (except the Eye of the Tiger one.  It’s the funniest non-piano-but-written-for-piano-piece EVER. So white).  

I really am doing this.

 

I really am NOT kissing this.

What is it??  

Let me back up, Cussers.  You see – I don’t always like to go out.  But when I do – I am OUT. Like I am all about enjoying the moment, keeping it going, talking, dancing, music – whatever.  “Life is short!” you will hear me say.  You will also hear me say, “Have another!”  I will be at the bar/party/club/pool/concert in the middle of it all.  Blowing off steam, rocking it right, living the high life!  You will be right there with me - talking to new people, bobbing your head along to the music, and having another – ALL NIGHT!

Then you will suddenly notice that I have been MIA for quite some time.  You remember me saying “I’ll be right back,” but I am not back. You and whomever we are with will ask, “Where’s Mother Cusser?”  You will check around.  You will not find me.  You will be mildly irritated and you will fuss at me the next day.  Because I did it again.

I left the party without saying goodbye.  

Well according to this article – that’s called “ghosting.”  “Instead of saying goodbye,” says the writer, “Just ghost.”

I have been ghosting ever since I was old enough to drive.  It always seemed like such a hassle to me, to find everyone and endure the “goodbye process.”  

Here’s how it works for me:

It’s the end of the night or the middle of the night or the beginning.  Either way, I’m tired and over it.  I don’t want to seek out the group and have to explain why I’m tired and over it.  I don’t want to risk the “oh you’re not going yet,” or the “AWW, lame!” comments.  I don’t want to have to hug everyone 98 times. I don’t want to stand by the door for an hour talking about leaving.  I want to go now.  So, I ghost.

I say, “I am going upstairs/downstairs/over  there now. I’ll be right back.”  But I quietly slip out and don’t return.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  I know this because you have told me, like, a million times.  “You’re rude,” you often tell me.  “That’s so uncool of you,” you will say. “Why can’t you just say goodbye?” you will lament.  “You’re hot,” you continue.  

“Because,” I will respond in my usual eloquent and charming way - and, “Thanks LPP. You always manage to slip in here. That’s what she said.”  Saying "because" never works for me.  You’re still annoyed.  But I’m so much fun you let it go.  Then I do it again.  And you get annoyed.   Fun, annoyed, fun, annoyed.  You know what world renowned friendship expert, Edna Ann Garret says about this type of relationship? “You take the good, you take the bad, something something something rad, the facts of life, the facts of life,” or some variation of that.

But I digress. And I ghost.  The end of the article talks about a guy who “pre-ghosts” – in other words – he says “I’m going to sneak out of here tonight so don’t worry about me.”  So consider this my pre-ghost!  Now you see me.  Now you…