I have ADHD. Really. For those of you who aren’t familiar with that term, allow me to elaborate.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah I found out recently that the elementary school where my four sons go to school lets kids play video games on rainy day indoor recess. Don’t teachers know that I am able to justify letting my kids play 2983748270 hours of video games on Saturdays and Sundays (and m- fri) by reasoning that they don’t play video games while at school? Indoor recess should be just like we had it in the old days. Where kids were trapped in the gym and relegated to fun, current activities like hula hooping and square dancing and much time was spent talking about how utterly boring indoor recess truly is. We complained FACE TO FACE – not over text messages or email! This – moms and dads- is how you build character! One day our children will grow up and be character-less all because the school let them play Minecraft during indoor recess! Why is everything I am supposed to be responsible for the school’s fault??
Because I’m KIDDING! HA! It’s not the school’s fault your kid is a drone – it’s yours! Now get up off the potty and get your kids square dancing like a good parent should.
Remember square dancing in gym class? I remember getting excited about getting to awkwardly lock arms with the handsome Tommy Johnson in a dosey doh that went on just a little too long if you know what I mean. I mean that he was a terrible square dancer and I was spun around as if we were in some sort of square dancing blender.
I also remember other dancing moments from 6th grade where my best friend Holly and I rolled around on the floor in a sexy manner to imitate Madonna's Like a Virgin. We were sluts. Well, she was. In 8th grade I went to a dance where a boy refused to dance with me saying "I don't want to dance with JULIE!" As if I had bad breath and a hump on my back. And another memory was at a Severna Park High School homecoming dance where I got to dance with one of the hottest football players in the WHOLE SCHOOL. We got down and dirtyto George Michael's "Monkey." "Why can't you do it, why can't you set your monkey free? Always gettin into it. Do you love your monkey or do you love me?"he sang as he danced with me. What the hell it meant, I didn't care. I was impressed he could play football, dance AND carry a tune.
This is what Holly and I were going for in 6th Grade. Pretty sure we nailed it.
Who else can do that? Anyone remember that song from the football movie Wildcats where Goldie Hawn played the unexpected football coach? And at the end during the credits the team made up a song where Goldie would occassionally say the word "football"?
I don't even remember what I was supposed to write about anymore. All I can think of is her little voice saying "football" in weird places in the song.
Football. And that my dear readers, is what it's like to have ADHD. Last word being deficit. Football.