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WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS?

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS?

YOU. Not Miley Cyrus.

Author: Mother Cusser/Tuesday, August 27, 2013/Categories: Tips to improve your life, Funny, funny, funny, Top Ten and Five Lists

You know what? I get it. Miley looked like a stripper. Blah blah, women's rights blah blah.  Stop acting so shocked, everyone.  Anyone remember Madonna and her bras?  Or Marilyn Monroe and the air blowing up her dress?  Or friggin Mae West "come up and see me sometime???  This is nothing new.  This is not "what the world has become," or "I weep for little girls everywhere." It's already here. Been like that for EVER. Stop being a whiny baby and worrying about some sad child star shaking it on TV influencing your innocent children.  

STEP UP and teach them that good self-esteem comes from working hard, being independent, making smart decisions and being a graceful winner and a graceful loser.  

I get so sick of people blaming the world at large for ruining their kids’ lives.  You know who’s ruining your kids’ life?  

YOU.

You who lives so fearfully that you would rather your child play 98767 hours of video games inside because you are convinced if he goes out to ride his bike (without you) that he will be :
1.    Kidnapped
2.    Hit by a car
3.    Kidnapped after being hit by a car

4.    Negatively influenced by Miley Cyrus and then kidnapped

Guess what, folks?  If you never let your child have an opportunity to make a decision he will have no self-esteem at all.  Because he will not believe in himself enough to know the right thing to do.

Every single one of us remembers riding our bike one day after school and seeing the creepy guy hanging around the playground.  Every single one of us instinctively knew – GET AWAY.  And we did.  Nowadays – we don’t even let our kids go anywhere without us hovering over them, fearfully.  They don’t have a chance to size up a situation and make a decision about it.  They are told to be afraid of anything their parents are not a part of.

I hope you have enough bubble wrap to last into his 30s. 

I know the media scares us.  Believe me, I grieve when I hear about those horrible stories of children being taken, hurt or killed.  It’s sick.  And, like you, I would do anything to protect my children from such horrors.  

But does that mean keep them in a box?  Does that mean keeping the umbilical cord firmly connected? Does that mean restricting them to the point that they themselves are too scared to try anything new because of what horrible things might happen??  

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

(The truth is more abuse and kidnappings happen by the people we already know and trust, folks.  Coaches, family members, priests etc.)

Mark my words. August 27, 2013.  I am saying that by age 30, 75% of our generation of children will STILL BE LIVING AT HOME.  They will be small minded, fearful, and totally dependent on Mommy and Daddy to make decisions for them and to support them emotionally and financially.  They will not have the wherewithal to withstand stress and change, they will not have the self-esteem to make good decisions and they will not have the independent spirit to do what it takes support themselves, let alone a family.  

What’s my point?  

Let them live NOW.

1.    Are they 3rd grade and up?  Let them ride their bikes around the neighborhood – without it being a “family bike ride.”  Tell them “be home by 3pm.”  Expect them home by then.
2.    Stop putting lawn chairs out and watching them play Foursquare in the street.  Remember growing up and yelling “CAR!”?  They can do that too.  Only do the chair thing if you are with friends and having beers.
3.    Are you making school lunches for your little babies?  Stop it.  If a kid is in kindergarten – they can make a sandwich.  
4.    Are they using legos?   Building cool ships and cities?  Then they can fold their own damn laundry. And put it away.  They can also pack their backpacks.  They can put groceries away too!
5.    Let them walk the dog without you.
6.    If they come to you with a popsicle and cannot open it – do NOT open it.  Tell them to figure it out.  
7.    Instead of specifically instructing – do this, then do this, then do this – say “I don’t know.  What do you think you should do?” Mean it.  
8.    Let natural consequences be their guide.  You don’t brush your teeth long enough? Guess who’s getting drilled at the next dentist appt?
9.    Don’t hide from the Miley Cyrus story.  If it presents itself – don’t tell them what to think.  ASK THEM.  Ask them to share with you what they feel.  What they take away from it is a way to help guide their personal decisions in the future.  
10.    Raise your expectations on behavior and responsibility.  Expect more.  You will get more.  

And believe me – I know it’s a pain to let a kid make a mess when he makes his lunch. I know that it’s easier for me to do it. But what’s the price?

I’m not perfect.  I don’t always do it right.  But I am so tired of seeing parents “wussify” their kids.  But maybe I should keep my mouth shut – let you keep your kids afraid of their own shadows.  

Because that means my kids will take over the world. 

***UPDATE*** A fan has created her own interpretation of this blog.  It is both hilarious and hilarious.  I'm honored beyond belief and hope more of you do stuff like this.  Spread the word, Cussers!  WATCH HERE: 

 

Number of views (1004144)/Comments (259)

259 comments on article "WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS?"

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Krista

8/27/2013 12:32 PM

Good Lord, do I agree! Except for Miley...tsk, tsk. It was awkward how hard she was trying to be a "Big Girl."


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Mother Cusser

8/27/2013 12:45 PM

Glad to hear from you, Krista. Agree - RE: Miley. More importantly, however, Robin Thicke's suit made him look like a fat Beetlejuice.


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Jodi

8/27/2013 1:53 PM

The biggest problem with Miley's performance was not what she was doing, but the apparent uncertainty. There was nothing natural about...like when she was walking down the stairs, you could see her thinking..."Now how do I dance down the stairs with my tongue out?"

But I like this post and these are all things I can actually hear and see you saying and doing.


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Mother Cusser

8/27/2013 2:06 PM

Agreed, Jodi. I think I am going to be Miley Cyrus for Halloween and LPP can be Robin Thicke. It's what we do on our Sunday date nights anyway.


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Hillary

8/27/2013 3:38 PM

I think that the previous commenters missed your point!! I think that these mothers must "wussify" their kids! The most important thing a parent can give a child is the freedom to make decisions and mistakes! It is the only way children can really learn! I am trying to do that with my 8 and. 9 year old!


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Alex

8/27/2013 3:42 PM

Like this quote in the same vein - parents spend too much time preparing the path for the child and not enough preparing the child for the path.


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Stephanie

9/2/2013 6:40 PM

AMEN, Alex!! Most of these parents sound like hovering idiots by calling the author of this article lazy. By his/her article, sounds like they are the type of parent, like me, who is (obviously) writing articles;most likely, doing other things as well, to better his/her self and change the world with awareness(hopefully-keep it up:)

Being on the other side (as a parent whose children have left home&a child who was "sheltered", to an extent, and cooked for (I could cook, just didn't have to. I did my own laundry and cleaned.) I can say several things. First, when my children left, I was sooo sad (empty nest syndrome, I guess to a sort). I realized that, besides work, I found my identity in being a mother. I still am a mother, of course, now, but have found so many pursuits(spiritual, community awareness, hobbies, intellectual pursuits). Had I embraced these more when the boys were here, I would've contributed sooo much more to their lives, overall. And, had I encouraged them to do more things listed in the article, they would be much more responsible and independent now-Not that they aren't. They are doing very well, but could be that much better.

Also, when my youngest son comes home for visits, a few months at a time, I still do his laundry (even though he knows how), and cook and clean. I spoil him, I know, but I can and I enjoy doing those things. But, my point is:If you do this when their young, expect to keep doing it.

Also, when I go to my mothers, even though I'm perfectly capable, she does my laundry and cooks. (Notice the pattern. It's habit.)

Mainly, I have to say that my mother's sheltering attitude DID make me question my own intuition, beliefs, self-esteem. I was a brilliant young person (and still am very smart), but on issues, I would call my mother and ask what I should do. I couldn't make up my own mind or find the answer for myself. THIS IS SO UNHEALTHY AND FRUSTRATING FOR AN ADULT. Luckily, it got on my own nerves, as I noticed it, and began to intentionally not call her, look for the answers myself, and feel so much better with a huge self-esteem, more control over my own life, more independent, and valuable to society. I trust my own instincts now. Mind you, my mom was not a cultist or anymore protective than, it sounds like, some of you.

It's not lazy to teach your children to trust themselves or to do for themselves. It's much harder to sit back, letting them figure it out, so that they CAN do for themselves. I work at a place now where 19-23 year girls work under me. They are constantly asking "Should I do this?", "What do I do now?". This is a place where you have to think fast and don't have time to tell them every little thing. And, it's common sense stuff. So, to TRULY help them, I have to say, "What do you think?" or "Figure it out". And, that's not lazy. It's easier to do it myself, just like when raising my boys. It's a lot harder to allow them the opportunity for them to learn, even if they make mistakes. I love them as people, but, though I have patience, it's extremely annoying. At the same time, some know some of what they are doing, but think the know it ALL. This is equally annoying. The truly wise are those who admit they don't know everything. Trust me, if the situation doesn't change, since I am trusted at work and in a place of position, I will make sure these type girls do not work very many hours. And, that could be your daughter. Mother cusser is right. Another way I've heard it is today's society is "dumbing people down".

So, what are you REALLY teaching your children, or NOT teaching them??


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Just your friendly neighborhood Batman

8/27/2013 8:06 PM

Raising smart, independent, responsible human beings can be accomplished in more ways than letting them make their lunches, and letting them watch the MTV music awards and discussing it afterwards. Today is a different time than when many of us were kids and guess what, there IS more to be mindful of out there in the real world, not just a car coming around the corner and yelling CAR... While your message is somewhat truthful in many kids living at home way past when they should, basically dumping things a parent enjoys doing for your family on your kids because your too lazy, or you think your teaching them something isn't in my mind teaching them anything. I mean " Raise your expectations on behavior and responsibility" coming from someone whose moral compass doesn't even work isn't something I'd be shouting from the roof tops if I was you. One more thing, what's ruining our kids isn't Miley Cyrus and her ridiculous behavior, it's people acting like that in the first place and thinking it's just fine because they only care about themselves and don't care how it affects anyone else or what anyone thinks, but I don't have to explain that one to you, I'm sure.


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Jessica

8/28/2013 6:55 AM

You should definitely write your own blog because you have so many fascinating things to say.


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Wam

9/1/2013 2:01 PM

I don't understand one thing "batman" is trying to say. WTH? Confusing. Anyway, great story Mother Cusser. Couldn't agree more!


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Not Batman

8/28/2013 7:09 AM

You are a genius.


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Mother Cusser

8/28/2013 8:40 AM

Batman, you sound like a really, really, really great mother. A far better mother than I. Agree with Jessica - you should definitely write your own blog! Is moralbatman.com taken?


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Captain America

8/28/2013 9:29 AM

Miley Cirus will be Rat Woman in the next Batman movie and dirty dance innocent children living at home to death. Bet Batman sleeps with her too. Stick that in your moral compass and smoke it.


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LPP

8/28/2013 12:07 PM

C'mon. I'd WAY rather blame our declining youth on Miley Cyrus. She's daring us too. Look at that picture.


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George Bounacos

8/28/2013 1:36 PM

Mmmmm... yes, pretty much. Done with Miley although I think @krista nailed it. She was confusing explicit with big girl.

Everyone gets freaky in their own way, and no one worries about blasting Get Low on the stereo when Lil John is on or wondering why Flo Rida keeps singing about a whistle. Miley just gave a visual to the whole thing.

I'm all for teaching independence and (only implicit in the post) always knowing that failure is a part of everything, and there is always someone in your corner. Bail because you got caught in a speed trap? Sure. Bail for you ninth arrest? We have to talk.

But first you need to a bit more independence, I live in a ridiculously diverse suburb that might as well be Queens for its melting-pot demographics, and even my special needs kid walked to and from all the schools once his older brothers went a couple of times and showed him the way.


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YoMama

9/9/2013 3:23 PM

Explicit? Have you ever seen a music video? Hahahahah wow


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Just your friendly neighborhood Batman

8/29/2013 6:16 AM

Ah, alas....I thought blogs were an open forum where people share their thoughts and ideas as it relates to the subject matter at hand, but I guess not on this blog. Funny though, as after meeting you and discussing the blog that is the impression I got, but not so much. So, this will be the last visit to this site...good for your though I'm sure... One more thing...not only mom's are parents, dads worry and have their own ideas about raising their children too, remember that the next time you think Batman is a woman!!


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Mother Cusser

8/29/2013 11:43 AM

Hi Batman. You can disagree with whatever you like and I agree with you that to assume you were a woman is unfair. What I find interesting is that you say you know me. It must be easy to insult my morals - like a coward would, hiding behind a fake name - while I bravely stand in front of you. Normally, I wouldn't feed the troll (that's you!) - but since I know exactly who you are (the web is a wonderful thing!) I wanted you to have your chance to speak. BUT it doesn't matter since we're never, ever, everrrrr getting back togetherrrr - like, ever.


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Hillary

8/29/2013 4:34 PM

Wow BatMAN!! Alas, I feel that you took the blog a little too personal! Sure hope Mother Cusser has a good security system! Relax! You can make lunches for your kids.


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Superman's Mom

8/30/2013 3:44 PM

Well stated, Miley's issues are Miley's and we live in a world where we get to see the intricate details of this child's life. She is still a child at the ripe old age of 20. Sadly enough, Miley's choices were lauded by her daddy and the media was horrified.

Should children be allowed to be children and be trusted?? YES! Trust your kids to make good choices, allow them to play outside, encourage it in fact. Their creative minds can come up with so much if they're outside away from TV and Video games. Encourage them to ride their bikes, play kick the can, or hide and go seek.

My son has been making his lunch since he was 7. Does that make me a lazy parent? No, I've taught my child responsibility. My son started doing his own laundry at the age of 12.. OH MY WORD.. Horrible parent alert! Nope, I've taught my child how to do something he'll be doing for a long time.

Some of the greatest parents I know with the best kids in the world are the ones that trust them, encourage them to explore, but give them proper boundaries.


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Alex

8/30/2013 7:32 PM

You are right and I agree with everything you are saying, but is much easier said than done. I have two teenage boys and I leave my life in fear, every day I fear that something might happen to them and as crazy as it sounds I would be with them 24/7 if I could.

I have tought them to think for themselves and to be as independent as possible but it has been so hard on me because like you said, the media and news show all the horrors of the world.

For now all I can do is keep teaching them to make good decisions and keep praying they do their best and for me to learn to let go.

Thank you for your blog it literally made me cry when I was reading it because deep in my heart I know you are right.

I


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nl512

8/30/2013 9:54 PM

who wrote this a pedophile? Let parents decide on there own what they feel is right and not right on making lunch, riding their bike, and so on. They know their situation and their child the best. As for Miley, what's the point here? are you saying her actions are o.k.? you are comparing her to Madonna and Marilyn Monroe, they built their careers on their sex appeal. Not on the back of Disney, on the concept of influencing children on CHILDREN t.v. shows. We get it Miley, your a whore...settle down and put your clothes back on. those who don't see anything wrong with a celebrity who made their fortune off of influencing children then behaving in this manner are ridiculous.


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nl512

8/30/2013 10:05 PM

Miley should not be compared to Madonna or Marilyn Monroe, both of these ladies made their fame from their sexuality. Miley made her fame from influencing children on a popular Disney show. So she was happy with children watching then as she was racking in the money. also let parents decide where their children can ride their bike or how old they have to be to make their own lunch. they know them best and their situation best. the fact that SOME people are still living with their parents maybe due to their financial situations, you don't know.


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Hillary

8/31/2013 8:54 AM

Give me a break! Has anyone considered turning off the tv? Hannah Montana was fiction! She was not real!!!!!! She should have never been a roll model for kids! Maybe your kids watched too much TV! Miley Cyrus is real. Of course I don't agree with her performance on TV! But this should be a good teachable moment with your kids or do what I did! I turned off the TV!'n


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PARENTING ABUSE

8/31/2013 8:24 PM

Sounds to me like you had children and decided to give up on raising these kids with direct guidance. It is not that I wouldn't trust my child, it is the simple fact that I do not trust "them". Letting your child ride a city bus at the at of 5-10 should be illegal. If you are too lazy to be a parent and would rather sit at home watching Oprah, may be you shouldn't have a child. Giving children chores and life lessons are different than forcing your child to open a Popsicle wrapper when they ask you to help them and making them take a bus at 6 years old with loud, rowdy patrons that will ask "where the fuck is your parent".

get it? There is a difference between allowing a child his freedom and allowing your child to just go.


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Tracy

8/31/2013 8:31 PM

YES YES YES! I admit, I'm still letting go of the laundry folding & parts of the school lunches thing, but my kids play outside unattended, with "stay together" rules, but are allowed to roam and play with the neighbor kids. We have also talked a lot about Miley Cyrus' new look, what they think of her behavior, and all that (though we don't watch much tv, so missed the famed performance). Everything is a teachable moment, and our little people need to learn to think and make decisions, not think, "What would my parents tell me I should think?" Love it!


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Mamaof3

8/31/2013 10:41 PM

While I don't agree with the whole "Today's society is ruining our children" crap all of the time. I do find that things that are considered acceptable today, compared to those of which we're considered acceptable say in our grandparents day and age are reprehensible. At least they had some class, doesn't anybody teach their children about morals or couthe anymore? You don't have to be a complete numb skull or slut to get attention. Talk about "Self esteem" showing off every inch of your body but your nether regions is NOT self esteem - it's a desperate plea for attention. If they in fact had self esteem they'd be 100% confident without having to "over try".

As far as let your kids do this, don't let them do that, make them do this, don't help them. Honestly re-read your ridiculous list. Do your kids ever actually spend quality time with you? You sound lazy as fuck to put it bluntly. I have a 5 year old son, a 3 year old son and I'm expecting. I live in the country and I'm a lot more comfortable letting them play in the backyard by themselves while I'm in ear shot now than when I was sitting outside with them in the city. But ya know what I make their food, and wash their clothes, I fold it and I put it away. I let them make decisions to and have them help out in their own way. They pick out what they wear, and when the day is done they put their dirty clothes away in the hamper. I don't force them to do everything or grow up too fast, cause ya know what it only lasts a short while & ya know what because they aren't forced they LOVE to get clothes out of the dryer, or take dishes to the sink while I'm cleaning. They think it's such a big deal to be "big" and help Mommy.

Kids need to be kids while they can be. You can instill responsibility and self esteem without letting them raise themselves.


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Hillary

9/1/2013 8:22 AM

I don't think that Mother Cusser is talking about 5 and 3 year old babies.


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Karridine

9/1/2013 12:02 AM

Well put! My sons (late teens now) MADE 'mistakes' and 'did it wrong' along the way, but Mom and I continually reminded them that we love them, they are deserving of love, and they HAVE THE CAPACITY to figure out what is right for them in their lives, today...

We raised them on Baha'i principles and 'Abdul-Baha as Exemplar of these principles, so they know what's right and what is NOT right... they'll now use the rest of their lives to confirm, test and put into practice all that they can, as best they can...


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Why?

9/1/2013 12:12 AM

The problem with Miley Cyrus is that her performance was a racist minstrel show. The problem you have appears to be anger. Verbal abuse won't persuade anyone to do anything. It will, however, attract a bunch of insecure cheerleaders. Congrats? I'm sure you've got a zinger of a comback for me. I won't be reading it, though.


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Matt

9/2/2013 4:45 AM

Your comment was pathetic. How did you go straight to racism? You're living in a really sad world where white popcorn is oppressive aren't you? Get over yourself.


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Eyes Wide Open

9/1/2013 4:32 AM

As some have stated, these comparisons do not hold. This child star turned whore is a phenomenon of the last two decades. I have an 8 year old son and would not dare to leave him unattended without adult supervision. I was walking to school at 6 years old with my friend (as though having other kids by your side protects you) and I was approached by a strange man in a car offering me candy, and luckily I was in a situation where I could run, but my other friend was not so lucky. She was coerced into a car on her way to school because she was ONLY 7! Her bloody parents should not have taken her eyes off of her at 7. What a foolish statement! I'm sorry but allowing your kids to play outside unattended is gravely unwise. I wonder if you would change your tune if your child were the one abducted. It is our job to protect our young indefensible children from the dangers of this world. What a ridiculously juvenile philosophy you have. I don't know where you live, but I live in the real world. Wouldn't it be nice if this were nirvana where all young children could roam free unsupervised by there parents and out of danger. Well, in the world I live in there are unimaginable horrors that happen to children every day. We never should have been allowed to roam free outside for that matter. It was ignorance. My friend who was "only 7" is 53 now. So much for how safe it was "back in the good ole days." Give your kids all the chores you want, but protect them from the evils of this world while they can't protect themselves the best you can. Do not be irresponsible with your children because you don't want to deprive them of some innocent fun that isn't so innocent when it all goes wrong. The fantasy of our children roaming free in Mayberry untainted doesn't exist as a reality. Grow up and smell the coffee. I'm ok with my child missing out on certain pleasures of childhood. Should we also discuss how I will not allow sleepovers either? That should raise some eyebrows. I was molested by my friends brother when I was 8 and sleeping over at her house. We cannot control brothers' and drunk uncles' whereabouts and behaviors at other people's houses when we are not present, not to mention other kids behavior towards one another. I'm perfectly ok with my son sleeping in his own bed, until he is old enough to defend himself.


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glenoidlabrum

9/1/2013 4:49 AM

Oh how I am sick of the "maybe you shouldn't have had kids" retort. It is so incredibly self-congratulatory. GET OVER YOURSELF.


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Superman's Mom

9/1/2013 7:25 AM

Why is it that the writer of the blog is being attacked for stating her opinion? It seems to me that her choices are just as valid as your choices. The fact of the matter is this, if the parent's of Miley Cirus had made different choices, would she have acted in the manner in which she did?

She wants any attention. To quote my son, "What Miley did was for attention, she doesn't understand why people don't want to talk to her, see her, or be around her anymore. She lived in the spotlight as a star for Disney, and I watched her, but now she's not, and she's desperate for anything. It's just sad." He's 14... wise words from my son.


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Neptyoon

9/1/2013 7:33 AM

We all might remember that Hannah Montana was about the consequences of a girl masquerading. Hannah fans are now having babies. Miley is a supremely talented and experienced comedic actor and singer. But in torpedoing Hannah isn't she working hard to own her own persona. Why don't we condemn Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Christina Aguilera. They were little girls, too, just not in public. Best parallel--Shakira "La Tortura" makes Miley's twerking look like jumprope. Let Miley speak for herself. She's a smart WOMAN.


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JB

9/1/2013 8:40 AM

I have to agree pretty much everything you wrote, and it actually bothers me to see people calling you as a lazy parent because holy cow you're encouraging your kids to be self-sufficient.

It's not like you're telling a 4 yr old to do everything their self, no. You're talking about the fact that once they reach school age they should be able to figure out the how's & why's of a situation, so they aren't asking for the parent to do everything for them. Which is understandable. I've seen way too many kids who are 9 even and can't do the simplest tasks, or open things for themselves because mommy & daddy didn't want to deal with them being frustrated and did it for them all these years.

Kids need to use the brains they were given and problem solve. They need to know that if a stranger approaches them to run & scream asap. And you're right, the stranger part is very rare in kidnappings/molestations. It's usually someone that knows the kid & their family. I know this from experience.

As to the rest, times honestly aren't any more different then when most of us grew up. For me that was the 70's and 80's. We rode our bikes everywhere without an adult. When I was 7-8 I started walking the four blocks to elementary school by my self. There were always kids everywhere so if something happened someone else would have shouted. And you also knew who lived in at least 4-5 of the houses on each block on the way. That doesn't happen anymore. If anything we as a society are no longer a community. It's become a lot of every man for their self. Mainly because everyone either works, or they're at the gym for three hours a day, or because they are too afraid to get to know others. I live on a cul de sac and half my neighbors are older & rarely even say hi to one another. And it's sad.

I live in a very big, but very safe suburb. A good portion of the kids in my neighborhood walk to school. It's 2 and a half blocks from me and I see so many kids walking home by the time they're in 3rd grade. But I do know a parent who wouldn't let their 5th grader walk home because something might happen. This kid was furious with their parents for treating them like a baby. Especially since nothing has happened in this suburb for probably 15-20 years.

The point I'm making is: She's right. We are really turning our kids into wusses if we don't let them get out. There are some kids I see who are always roaming the neighborhood on their bikes & scooters, and those are the kids I want my kids to hang out with. Because they aren't afraid to live. They aren't holed up with 4 overpriced, time consuming activities that their parents are shuffling them to to "keep them busy" instead of just letting them go out and play with their friends.

I don't agree that the times are different, they aren't. The media just jumps on the bad stuff way too often and won't let go of the stories & so we get pummeled with them over & over thinking these (rare) bad things are the norm. They're not.

The only thing that has changed since we were kids is that we have become fearful of change.


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Michele

9/1/2013 11:28 AM

Another thing about a gloriously chore-free, stress-free and doted upon childhood: boy are you depressed when you find out what life is really like.

According to tv, we all have plenty of time and money; work happens off-screen or has plenty of breaks, hijinks, adventure, and romance built in. As we all know, work is long and hard. Money goes fast. And the time after work is often consumed by have-tos and just plain weariness. Is this what you are raising your children to expect?

They need to know that to succeed in life they will have to work hard, take crap sometimes, and persevere. They need to have a plan in mind that includes finding work that they love, and learning to do for themselves and love themselves--not depend on some Superman or Woman to whisk them away to happiness. I personally think Disney Princesses do more harm than Miley Cyrus ever will, but that's another subject.


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Blah

9/1/2013 11:56 AM

I agree with this, but how about if people keep their noses out of how other people raise their kids and allow them to discipline them without having to worry about losing their kids for a simple spanking? I got spanked, taught me never to do what I did again. Psychological problems my ass.


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Alison Cummins

9/10/2013 6:41 AM

Blah,

Please cite an example of a family losing custody of one of their children over “a simple spanking.”

Also, please define “spanking.” For me it means one or two open-handed swats on a child’s bottom. For other people it means beating a child unconscious with a weapon, so when you are talking about people losing custody of their children it’s important to define your terms.


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Alison Cummins

9/10/2013 6:45 AM

Also, Mother Cusser never referenced either spanking or psychological problems and neither has anyone else on the comment thread. What are you responding to, exactly?


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Alison Cummins

9/10/2013 6:53 AM

Blah, I’m confused about your comment and the context. Can you help me understand?

1) Can you name someone who has lost custody of their child over “a simple spanking”?

2) Can you define “spanking”? To me it means one or two swats on a child’s bottom with an open hand. To others it means beating a child unconscious with a weapon. Since “spanking” can cover so much, it would help me understand if you could explain what you mean by it.

3) Neither Mother Cusser nor anyone else on this thread has referenced either spanking or psychological problems. I’m missing some context. What do you feel you are responding to?


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Mom of many

9/1/2013 1:26 PM

I try to walk that line between doing everything for my kids and doing nothing. No extreme is good. With that said, I don't let the youngest two play outside without me. I know my kids and I know my neighborhood I do hold my 5yo hand crossing the street, but I let him walk next to me on the sidewalk. and my kids do chores. I have an old fashioned crank washing machine, and even the three year old has to take a turn doing the wash.


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Luz

9/1/2013 2:11 PM

Well, I don't agree totally with this because the education comes from home and I am glad that I have great kids that are not kids anymore and I can see the results of my compromise and my daily dedication and of course I made mistakes. But the community and the external influences impress in the kids life making our parenting work harder. I think must be new rules that better this kind of things. It's very sad to see how some kids and teenagers think this is cool and we also need to stand for those kids that their parents are not parents enough. If I think only about my kids and believe I am done with my work here I would regret later when my kids meet those kids in their future life and could do something to them. Is this a community or I am wrong? Our kids, their kids, all of them are the world's future, don't get confuse.


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Laura

9/1/2013 7:47 PM

Don't agree. Actually research shows parents who are hands-on raise kids who are more self adjusted and higher self esteems. People said my mom was over protective and guess what I'm an entrepreneur, moved out by age 18, and never took drugs, smoked, or had sex under age 21. Does that make me perfect? No. I but it makes me a lot smarter than this self righteous author of this article who just gave an opinion to boost his self importance.


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Laura

9/1/2013 7:50 PM

Yay...so you listed one "bad girl" from each generation. Problem is our kids have a lot more access to those types of "role model" than older generations. You named one for a generation or so, but nowadays you can easily name 20 young girls who act wrong in the spotlight.


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Bill

9/2/2013 3:49 PM

Childhood is fine.

It's parenthood that's been ruined.

Quit telling me how to raise my child, and I won't have to tell you that this blog (and everyone of the 10,000 just like it) sucks.


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aft13

9/3/2013 11:20 AM

bravo. i shared this on my fb timeline and the response is small but positive so far. i'm 1000% behind your assessments. i also quoted the commentor, Alex, who included this quote: "parents spend too much time preparing the path for the child and not enough preparing the child for the path."

it's a balance and of course the safety of the neighborhood and other factors will affect the appropriate freedoms of any age child. also "hands-on" parenting isn't the same thing as "hovering."

decision-making is the single most fundamental skill an animal must practice to survive much less thrive in our earthly environment. teach your children well...how to analyze, internalize and when appropriate, verbalize their opinion or choice, instead of throwing it out for others offering advice. right now you as a parent are the most influential voice in their process., but that won't last long. when you can't be around anymore, you want them to know how to choose from within themselves instead of in response to whatever voice takes your place. it's also nice to be there for them as they practice and fail at developing good judgement. if you wait until they move out, you have kids with an "idea" about how they should make decision, but no conviction from practice. their failures have greater consequences in adulthood than childhood or adolescence. that is the practice time they get. and once they shove off, believing in themselves becomes a lot more empowering than believing in the instructions provided but never practiced.


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lamothej1

9/3/2013 1:36 PM

As a parent of a 9 and 11 year old AND an administrator at a higher education institution, I cannot applaud you loudly enough! I'm tired of whiney-I-can't-make-any-decisions-what-class-should-i-take-that-teacher-failed-me-how-do-I-do-laundry 18-22 year olds! AMEN!

Parents need to get it together! Let your kids FAIL! Its ok if they fall down, get skinned knees and stay outside all day!

p.s. no more trophies for showing up... but I won't get going about that...


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justme

9/3/2013 6:24 PM

i agree that children need to be encouragaed how to think but they need moderation. I had a bit too much freedom . . . molested by strangers, alcohol and weed at an early age, etc. Parents need to be involved and need to provide strong guidance to their children.


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Mother Cusser

9/3/2013 6:37 PM

HI Just Me. Agreed. That's way too much freedom. For some reason, I feel compelled to respond to this post. I hope you know that's not what I'm saying. Hope you stick around.


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MissLisa

9/3/2013 7:26 PM

I feel sorry for Miley. I think its hard to live under a microscope and have people watching you 24/7 even if you signed up for it. She is caught trying to 'grow up' in the public eye, and I think she got caught up trying to be the farthest thing from the thing that made her famous. I think she's lost; she doesn't want to be Hannah-Montana-squeaky-clean-Disney-star, so she went polar opposite (cut off her hair, bleached it, red lips, drug use, skimpy clothes, sexually explicit dance moves). But I don't think that is who she is either. I think she is so caught up in being risqué and making decisions based on shocking people vs. what she really wants. I wish someone would help her figure out who she really is, and what she really wants from her career, her life. What she wants people to look back on in 40 years.

I also agree, Miley Cyrus shouldn't be your kids influence. YOU should be your kids influence.

And I was one of those kids whose mom did EVERYTHING for me. I didn't learn how to do laundry until I was 19 and away at school; a crash course in the laundry room from a bewildered student rep. It was embarassing. My husbands mother is the same way... She did it all. She was supermom. And I now have a husband who leaves his underwear on the floor and who leaves dirty dishes on the counter. Simply because his mom did it all for him, so he never had to do it himself.

I want my kids to know how to do it all, so I've taken the approach outlined above. I want them to have their own thoughts, and know how to problem solve and for goodness sakes, know how to do their own laundry and cook their own dinner. And clean up afterwards.


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MissLisa

9/3/2013 7:32 PM

I don't think the point of this article is to sit back, crack a beer and say 'Catch you on the flipside'. I think the point is to give your kids enough freedom to develop a sense of self and learn how to do the tasks that will be a part of daily life.


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That Canadian Mom

9/4/2013 12:59 PM

My kids will be there with yours taking over the world:) I woudl go farther though to point out that if these parents don't start letting their kids walk to school - there will be no earth left for our kids to take over ... maybe all those moms drving 4 blocks are the ones causing global warming - but I am the 'BAD' parent - sheesh


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Dick

9/4/2013 9:32 PM

I don't agree with everything in this post but that is okay. If we all had the same opinioms the world would be a boring place. The fact that mostof the comments bring up Miley does lead me to belive that reading comprehension is sorely lacking. Miley was a lead in, not the focus of the piece people. If you are still focused on Marilyn/Madonna/Miley you have missed the point.


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McGregorRanch

9/5/2013 11:28 AM

I find it funny that people would call you a lazy parent. Teaching kids to be self-sufficient is one of the BEST things you can do for them! I was raised pretty sheltered and had to learn how to do things the hard way...I was so sheltered I left home at 18 and never went back as I wanted to be independent. When I met my late husband I had a lot of it figured out but I learned so much from him. He grew up on a ranch....he was riding herd on bulls at 4 years old. Broke his first horse to ride at 9 years old. Trailed cattle 30 miles with his brother when they were 11 and 12 by themselves...spent times in the sheep camp on by himself at just 12. He lived a very full life - joined the Navy at 17 put in 10 years, Boxed, rodeo'd, ran cattle, milked cows, milked goats, and taught power plant technology at Bismark Junior College. He worked for the Minnesota Zoo for 14 years also and was always training horses on the side. He expected his kids to pull their weight from an early age as he had. He was not lazy often working 2-3 jobs....but his kids always had horses to ride and food, shelter, and fun events to go to on the weekends. His children from his previous marriage are grown up and include several that own their own successful businesses, one is the administrator of a large clinic, and his one son graduated #1 from Ranger school in the Army - and eventually taught Ranger Indoctrination training. They are all self sufficient and know how to do things - not a one is on government assistance. Our two children he taught a lot to before his passing (of cancer) - my 11 year old breaks ponies out for others, and they both can take care of chores, feeding animals, training dogs, and can make themselves a meal, and do dishes. They run all over the property and take the dog for walks by themselves. They say "yes please" and many have remarked to me how well behaved they are. We do watch TV but it's a treat not a right. They have good marks in school and they still have free time to go play with friends. They are often shocked by how other kids their age they know treat their parents....and how little they know how to do. I agree with this post for the most part.....there is a time and place to let kids be kids, but they need structure and they will thank you for it! Everyone of my husband's adult children thanked him on his deathbed for teaching them how to work and be successful. We can't prevent everything bad from happening to our children...we ought not live in fear. Our kids should not live in fear...we should teach them confidence and let them LIVE! And teach them - not shield them from the world and responsibility. Not be wussified.....


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AustinR9

9/5/2013 2:42 PM

This is my first visit to your blog. I guess I just couldn't resist reading yet another article stemming from the overblown Cyrus performance. We can all agree that anything she does is better than "Achy Break Heart", right?

After reading a few posts and skimming a few others, I am left confused. Perhaps you or one of your loyalists can explain the rationale to me. In this diatribe, telling people from an unquantifiable number of environments how to raise their children, you make some very bold statements about what, and what not, to do. Fine, I get it, everyone wants to be validated. Everyone wants to stand screaming on their soap box, and more importantly, everyone wants to be cheered for their message. That's why career politicians, marketers, and bloggers do what they do, no?

Back to the confusion... This article instructs parents what risks are appropriate to take. Riding a bike solo is safe enough, playing unattended is safe enough, etc. I can't disagree with the sentiment whatsoever, I think it's spot on. What confuses me is the contradiction to a post you made about PTSD.

In that post, you talk about how the diagnosis has allowed you to accept that it is okay for you to become incredibly nervous or panicky whenever you are on a deck, a fair ride, or when overweight children are on a trampoline. This all apparently stems from one previous traumatic experience. So, then, how can you write an article stating what actions will or will not "ruin" future generations of children? Have you stopped to consider that we are flooded with stories about kidnappings and car accidents, and to many people these "beware of...." stories that dominate their newsfeed can manifest into something with symptoms comparable to your PTSD? That, as a society, we have been taught that if there is danger present we are better served erring on the side of caution?

I am quite curious. You are incredibly confident that kindergarteners are fine to make their own sandwich, but you don't trust in the collective knowledge of the engineers who designed and modified rollercoasters to accommodate it's obese riders? Or that distrust is simply a product of you not being able to get over a broken leg?

Perhaps stop and consider that after a lifetime of being fed nothing by our news media other than "what in your fridge is killing your child? we'll tell you right after sports" type stories, that many can develop the same irrational fears you have of structural dynamics.


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shadows

9/6/2013 3:56 AM

I have 4 children 2 girls 2 boys. I raised them all the same and treated them equally. They didn't have chores or home responsibilities until the age of 16. Three of the four entered the workforce on their own when they were 14. The third was 17 before he got a job. Two were honor roll students. One was a drop out married and had a child at 18. One went on to become a chef. One is a writer. One had his own company at the age of 15 creating super hero's. Another is a singer.

I do not drink or do drugs but i do smoke. I listen to heavy metal music (ozzy,ac/dc, metallica, breaking benjamin) I also like some country and alternative music by Enya, Lorenna Mckinnet). One child loves rap music which i hate, another loves jazz and opera, only one of my 4 children likes my music. I have one child that smokes and does drugs, one who drinks and the other two refrain completely. Two of my children are very responsible, the other two just wing it as it comes.

My point being there are no two children exactly the same. What might work for one child may not work for another. Telling other people how to raise their kids what they should or should not do is honestly up to the kids. It doesn't matter what the parents do perfect or not, the children grow up with their own likes and dislikes, their own personality and a MIND OF THEIR OWN. Guide them teach them values and the difference between right and wrong. But in the end its up to them.

The only way to fail as a parent is to neglect, abuse or starve your children. Trust me when i say Miley Cyrus is not the reason your 30 yr old child is still in the basement playing video games.


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Annabella

9/6/2013 9:51 AM

While I did not care for her performance, I love the way she has defined herself lately. What pisses me off the most, is that Robin Thicke, a happily married father, never gets any crap about his video OR his VMA performance..... So give the girl a break... It's all about publicity, good, bad or indifferent..... And that's what they got, good for them!


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jenny

9/6/2013 12:09 PM

I am trying to read this article but all I am able to do is leave a comment?


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Alphalfa

9/6/2013 5:49 PM

Thanks for blogging since it gets people thinking and sharing. I tend to blah, blah, blah, so feel free to skim through.

From my perspective, there are three areas that are being talked about here that naturally mingle in discussion and are easy to lose track of...

1. Personal Freedom (play on your own, be unsupervised)

2. Chores/Tasks (make your lunch, fold your laundry, put away groceries)

3. Behaviour Choices & Natural Consequences (behave like Miley, popsicle wrappers, let your teeth rot)

1. To compare the previous generation's level of personal freedom and this generation's personal freedom is a disservice to this generation. I come from the previous generation, just to give y'all a landmark. Too many in my generation got hurt by strangers or those near to them because awareness and education was low. Kids needed support and protection just as much then as they do now. Enough has been shared by previous generations for us all to acknowledge that more was going on than was realized. While this translates into people might now be more overprotective in response to that, in my view, it's a step in the right direction.

Complicating the issue is predatory sophistication. In my generation, computers were a novelty, rarely found and limited in their scope. Computers and the Internet today are nothing compared to previous generations. The main aspect that is particularly disturbing today is how accessible information can be for pedophiles and predators to train and hone their skills and strategies, connect and train each other. It's not comparable to say that the circumstances my kids have to consider are relative to what I had to consider at their age. Personal freedom can and should happen through a variety of ways and different times, but danger from those who would do harm unto another are wide and varied, all the way from stranger danger to those who are near. Either way, kids do need to be educated about it and ultimately protected.

2. My mom laughs at me when I say that kids don't have to do a lot of work today, or that they are slackers, or that kids don't know how to work. I guess the main thing is we all need to remind, cajole, teach, train and get ourselves and our kids to contribute to the world. Some kids are enthused about helping with chores or tasks, others are more willful about doing only as much as they want or the way they want. And some might be downright lazy. At the core of this point, I believe that each of us, adult or child, should be making a contribution and teaching each other about doing more OR how to do more OR how to do more better! Keep in mind, this aspect is circumstantial - a farm has more 'work' to be done, so a farm kid will be expected to do more, for example. But regardless of each individual's circumstance, being a contributing member of society seems to be all-encompassing of circumstances and fits for people across the globe.

3. It may just be me, but letting your teeth rot seems like a pretty painful and expensive natural consequence! Some ideas lean towards natural consequences, some lean towards direct guidance. Talk about heavy subject matters with many different people in your life and each one will give you the gift of a different perspective. And you're right, Mother Cusser, the goal either way is to develop the strength to make our own decisions and the fortitude to stand by them. Hopefully you can agree that if allowing natural consequences to be the main guiding factor of decision making, things should still be talked about after the fact regardless.


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drinkh20

9/6/2013 7:56 PM

No one comments to much about Robin Thicke. But I must say. If I was Robin Thicke at the rehearsal and I realized the content of the show that was being constructed for the public. I would of said change the content or find another puppet. He has destroyed his own self-respect within the public eye. If Robin wanted a lap dance, then maybe he should go to a strip bar. As for Miley Cyrus she has lost her self-respect and has turned art into a pudeur. The producers and all involved with this floundering loss of morals and self-respect are lost in lieu of their lust for fame and money. It is saddening to think that all those people involved did not think of the children and their family's morals.These are the parts that I find troublesome.


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josh_musicmanic

9/7/2013 6:55 AM

Wow. Just because I think Miley's actions were a bad influence on my kid doesn't mean I'm "wussifying" them. If I "just get over" it am I not saying that what she did is fine? Just because everyone has always been doing it doesn't make it right. I'm a big believer in the letting your kids make mistakes and "man up", the playing outside and all that. I COMPLETELY agree that parents nowadays shelter their kids and tell them they are great at everything, which is why as a coach of late teenage hockey players I get disheartened by their "the world owes me everything because my parents told me so" attitude. I just don't think you chose the right situation to tell us to move past. For the record, I wrote a blog piece about how people need to just stop reacting so much to people trying to use sex to sell stuff, because the only reason they do it is because it works. But I think it's good to just quickly say that you don't think it's appropriate, and then move on. This is exactly what you try to say in point 9 of your summary. I think the rest of the article kind of takes away from that by being so aggressive. I very much appreciate the sentiment though.


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passdk

9/7/2013 10:25 AM

I agree to an extent. BUT you ask anyone of those parents who did let their 8 year old ride around the block by themselves and had them never return home what THEY would have done differently. The world has always had it's ugliness but with it not being swept under the rug or hidden or not highlighted in the news like it is today, we are all more aware of the dangers it only takes a second for them to be gone, and if that 8 year old made their own decision to scream and fight but no one was around to see or hear what what difference does it make that they made that choice? They are gone... Probable never to return again.

Yes get your kids outside and off the tv, Get them off the Ipads and computers

but don't be naive, protect your children. They have a lot of more mature years to learn decision making, confidence and responsibility. BUT yes YOU as the parent should be the best role model and greatest influence in their lives.


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sloth

9/7/2013 10:55 AM

I like how this article has made people stop and think. Some of you I agree with some not so much. While everyone is talking about Miley's bad performance, I'm not saying I'm ok with her behavior, but have you guys listened to the song she was dancing to? Nobody seems to mind that the singer is singing about raping a woman. I don't see anybody saying they shouldn't have had that song at a show that kids watch. So I guess it's ok for a guy to sing about raping a girl but it's horrible that Miley danced to the song (or attempted to dance to it).

Thanks for a great article :)

I got to play outside without constant parental guidance when I was a kid. Moved out at age 19. My hubby played outside without constant parental guidance and he didn't move out until he was 29. He is still being babied by his mom. He never had chores and well, he knows how to make hot dogs and ramen noodles. His mom even commented on how good he had been behaving on a recent weekend trip we made together....he is 42! It's ok to compliment my 3yo and my 8 yo for good behavior but a 42yo should know how to behave good ;)


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lyla

9/7/2013 1:26 PM

My kids roam the neighborhood on bikes ,on feet, my young teen takes bus all over town.I do not shelter them.While I do get a bit anxious about it,I would be very selfish to stop them from living and learning what life is all about from their own experience and not from mine or media.World hasn't changed.Society changed.There were always kidnappings murders rapes we just didn't hear about it as much or read about it on FB or Twitter.Today we are bombarded with negative information that makes some want to build a shelter and crawl in it.Would that be wise though?No matter how much you try and protect you kids,the only way you can protect them is by talking to them about everything and letting them out into the world ready for it and not with their hands tied in the back unable to deal with anything they haven't been exposed to earlier.I'm not saying throw them into a wolf pit and buy them drugs to experiment but talk to them and them let them be.Living life from a fear base in not living at all.I was approached by a pedophile at age of 10.I learned from it and I do not shelter my kids.I check on them but I do not keep them glued to my side in front of tv watching CNN and re hashing bad news of the day.This article is spot on.


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Thrace

9/7/2013 2:27 PM

Watch out people, the PC police are on the scene!

First off, if it's 2013 and you or your kids still give more than two grams of a shit about Miley Cyrus, I should probably let you know some news: the Iraq War is over, a black man is president and Oprah was cancelled. I've heard so little about her that I would probably believe you if you said she was 29 and doing lines in a bar topless.

Second, people need to grow a spine. This is a classic case of what the late-great George Carlin called 'Child Worship'. An ad absurdum reverence of children and their activities that extends so far that people act like wusses themselves and try to suffocate their kids by being in their presence every minute of every day. News flash parents: the odds of your child being kidnapped is about 1,500,000 to 1. That's 1.5 million to 1. Your kid's three times more likely to die from a lightning strike then being kidnapped. As for being hit by a car: last time I checked, checking both ways before crossing the street seemed to work just fine.

Kids can't even play anymore because these professional parents are prohibiting anything even remotely fun. Most schools now ban snowball fights, and my childhood school, a proud battleground of snow forts and snow wars, now bans simple snow forts. The only damn thing that hasn't been banned is standing around, but I'm sure that won't last long, because at some point, some kid will be standing around and his foot will fall asleep, his parents will sue the school and it'll be goodbye standing around.

The school system is totally screwed up now, and in part it's the fault of these same parents. The honor roll has been made completely meaningless, kids get pats on the head for everything and medals for everything they compete in. I wouldn't be surprised if the term 'loser' has been replaced by 'last winner'. Here's a tidbit of advice for you: you'll never find out what the hell you're good at if they tell you you're good at everything.

So, final thing. If your kid is lying in the yard staring at the clouds, know what you should do? Go back inside and leave them there instead of telling them to go watch educational programming. Not having structure is a good thing sometime, especially for the ONLY goddamn group in society that doesn't have any responsibilities. Kids get to be naive and free and explore the world, and that's their goddamn right.

Know how to help your children? LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE.

Rant complete.


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Tamaya

9/7/2013 3:45 PM

Could't agree more about the letting them learn by themselves. My son is 9 and loves to play outside alone with his friends. Some of the parents in the neighbourhood won't even let their 12 yr old walk to school. He still goes to daycare! Legally he is old enough to babysit other kids, yet he still has a babysitter. Mind you these kids are so sheltered I am not surprised. He doesn't know how to do anything himself. I can see him living at home at 40.

We had a crazy neighbour get evicted and she called Childrens services on a few people. One complaint was the kids playing outside by themselves. There are usually at least 5 out there, they don't cause trouble and they look out for each other. I explained to the social worker that I am raiing him to be a independant, future adult. I am not raising a child. After she talked to my son she realized how mature he was for his age,. I told her it was because he is allowed to think for himself and be independant. She doesn't see an issue. We are just waiting to hear back from her after she confers with her Supervisor.


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Pinchy

9/8/2013 5:30 AM

I couldn't agree more! Awesome blog.

As for Miley Cyrus....she's 20 yrs old! I'm just grateful that there was no internet or such when I was that age! I think we all tend to forget what we were like back in the day! Miley Cyrus is just a young woman trying to grow into an adult while the whole world watches. I don't think that she's the nasty names she gets called. I feel bad for the poor girl because she will never do anything right in the public eye no matter how hard she tries.

As for children being kids, I'm all for it. I live across the street from a park and it's amazing how many kids do not get to play alone. Mom or Dad are always there telling them to not do this, come down from there, stop throwing that etc etc. I think by not allowing our children to fail we are doing them a huge disservice! My greatest lessons have come from mistakes.

The best way to keep kids safe is to always have open communication with them. If you are engaged, you will know about all the creepy guys that hang around, the drug dealers and the undesirables. If you give kids the sense that they are trusted to be responsible by walking to school alone, or such, they will mature into responsible children who can make proper decisions when required and isn't that the real goal at the end of the day?


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anarae

9/8/2013 11:54 AM

So many things running through my mind to debate about these posts.

Being a mother myself I too have sat and contemplated what my actions are doing in the long run for my children. My parents were not hands on. I at a very young age learned to do things for myself because my parents would not. I walked around town and took myself to the park. I made my own meals and did my own laundry. I set my alarm and got up for school on my own and even woke and assisted the younger kids. No one asked me about my homework or how things were going at school. I became extremely independent at a very young age. With this in mind, I parent my own children. Every decision I make comes from a mixture of my experiences and my "what if list". My children are now 11 and 4 and in some ways are independent and in others are very co-dependent. My oldest has chores. I have taught him how to wash his own laundry and the importance of personal hygiene. I wake him up for school and I start the water for his shower. Does he have an alarm clock, Yes. Does he know how to turn on his own shower water? Yes. So why don`t I just make him get up on his own and turn his own shower on by himself? Since I know he can?...Honestly it is because I want him to know that I am here to support him and that he is not alone. Some days I get hit with a feeling of "you are doing to much". On those days, I take a second and step back and then I move forward...I begin by telling him that the reason I am no longer doing this for him is because I want him to be able to care for himself...and that one day he will have to do it all by himself. For instance, I have always tucked him into bed at night. We would sing a song or pray together while he got comfy and cozy. Then he got invited to an overnight party and was worried about who might do this ritual with him...On that day I realized it was time to take a step back. We had a conversation about his age and his wanting to sleep over at his friend`s and I told him I thought it was best to make a new ritual. I began to stop at his door and he would get himself tucked in and say his prayer alone. When he was done I would turn off the light, say goodnight, I love you and I am so proud of you.

Now he will climb into my lap at 15 minutes till. We will get our cuddles in and he will walk himself down to bed.

Now that I have rambled on for a while I would like to get to the point. We parents know what our children need and are capable of. Some parents will teach their kids to do things all on their own in order to avoid having to do them. Some parents will encourage or "make" their children do things partially and then come in and clean up after them. Some parents will do everything for their children as if they were incapable of doing anything for themselves. I choose to do things for my kids to show them I care and want to help them. I listen to them and to my instincts and when I feel they are ready to do it themselves I give them the reins. Each child is different and there is no way to determine how each and every action will affect them in the long run...I tell my daughter everyday that I think she is beautiful kind and good...will this make it so she relies on others for compliments in order to feel good about herself? Or will it instill in her a sense of pride self worth and self esteem that will be with her for her entire life? There is no right answer. Let them do things for themselves when they are ready! Not when someone tells you that you should. Not when you are getting tired of doing it for them. Making them do things they are not ready for may make them feel you weren`t there for them. Talking it out and encouraging them to do it when they are ready will bring them a sense of pride and accomplishment! (in my opinion).

As for Miley, I wish her well. I hope that she understands the position she is in. (She is after all a child icon). I hope that she understands that millions of young girls that are coming of age are looking up to her (whether it is right to do so or not) and that she is encouraging in them that the value of a girl comes down to her "twerk" and sex appeal. I feel sorry for her, that she feels it necessary to act the way she does...I am not disgusted or angry...I just wish that she had someone to tell her that her value is not just in how she looks and acts...but comes from her own integrity (which currently seems weary).


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edyn13

9/8/2013 3:03 PM

I agree with this article. I was raised by a very very protective single mother. And I know she did the best she could but in the end you really grow up thinking there is nothing you can do on your own without your mother's approval or guidance. Insecurity also comes with this territory. You basically grow up not believing in yourself because everything was decided or done for you. Don't get me wrong I love my mom to death and I'd be sad if she were gone but I really believe that she has lived my life. With therapy I am changing things but boy it's been an uphill battle to regain some sense of self.

I know this article isn't really about Miley but I can't help but comment on the subject. In my opinion you cannot compare Miley to Madonna. Madonna can dance and everything in her videos or live was brilliantly choreographed. Basically I'm saying she didn't look like a dumb dumb on stage with her tongue hanging out. Madonna is iconic and Miley is just a try hard with very little talent. Basically when it comes down to it she was just walking around stage humping the air. I agree with what a few people were saying on here. It's almost like every single thing up there was planned. Nothing natural about it. Like okay, right now I should stick my tongue out, and in 5 seconds stick my tongue out again and this time I'm going to leave it hanging out a little longer. And btw Robyn Thicke isn't getting any flack because did you notice he did nothing but sing his song and did not hump her back. She looked like the idiot - he didn't. But you know Miley got what she wants it's been weeks since she was on stage and people are still talking about her.


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mommajx3

9/9/2013 6:10 AM

if our kids turn out less then we expect,well we have no one to blame but ourselves.


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HoveringMom

9/9/2013 7:23 AM

Yes, I need to let my kids do a little more for themselves, I admit it, and I could be a little less "hovering." However, I don't remember young men walking into elementary schools and shooting children when I was growing up. Yes, bad things have always been around, but you can't convince me that things are not getting worse. Of course I want my kids to have the freedom to ride their bikes around the neighborhood and to pack a backpack and spend all day exploring in the woods all day like we did as kids. I mourn the fact that my kids can't do these things and my husband and I talk about it all the time. At the same time, we are not stupid enough to ignore the reality of the world today. I believe that the kids that are allowed to walk home from school alone are usually the ones that show up missing, or those that are allowed to spend the night at some families house that you really don't know very well are the ones that end up being molested, and the ones that parents give the freedom to watch or play or do whatever they want are the ones that end up getting caught up in the wrong kind of behaviors. What's wrong with actually being a parent? I think part of the problem is the parents that once liked the idea of having a cute little baby that is so easy to love and gets so much positive attention, but after their babies grew up and became kids, they realized they really don't want to make the sacrifices required to actually be a parent including the time it takes to train them up, spend quality time with them, and to protect them.


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bad mum

9/9/2013 8:54 AM

I disagree. Yes, let your child live their life and let them have fun and be free instead of stuffing junk food in their mouthes and playing highly graphic 18+ video games all day. But that's extremely ignorant for you to say that it's the parents fault when we have bad news constantly shoved down our throats in the news. SO parents need to be protective because that's exactly what they are - a parent. For you to sit here and say it's our fault. You are ignorant. So kick my kid out the door as soon as they're capable of it? Sorry, but my parents never raised me to be a selfish twat. Also, 75% of children at the age of 30 still live at home? Have you not ever thought of how expensive the cost of living is for people today? Do you know how difficult it is for 99% of the population under 30 to get started on their feet?

Good for you for being some awesome, badass, ignorant parent though who probably does drugs with their kids.


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Maxwell

9/10/2013 11:25 PM

Hey Bad Mum. This might be a hard pill to swallow, but as a parent you are going to f#@% your kids up. My parents are good parents, but they still made mistakes. And now that I'm a grown up I've got to deal. But I'm glad I wasn't coddled. That my parents let me explore and question the wide world. All the while talking openly with me. I've seen so many kids who hate their stifling parents, that they hit the ground running. Running anywhere just to get away. Even if it was a stupid place to run to. Like drugs, drinks, and unsafe sex. Kids are raised in war zones. In rough neighborhoods. In countries with archaic laws demeaning women and promoting unhealthy sexual behavior. But they still manage. Because us humans, we're strong. We have to be. Do you really think a stranger shaking her booty on television is going to warp your kids brain? Destroy their innocence? No. If you really want to f@#$ a kid up, you leave it up to a parent. Because a parent is the center of a child's universe. Their god. The end all be all. And being treated like an irresponsible idiot child by a parent will be far more crippling to a young one than a entertainer being sexual. I'd also like to add that upon reading you comment I came to the conclusion that you are incapable of conducting yourself with grace or intelligent dialogue. That you are a scared and narrow minded woman who will one day be in for a rude awakening when her own children turn on her for cannibalizing their self esteem. It's not my decision, but for pity's sake I hope you learn how to respectfully disagree with another human's point of view. You "twat."


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Theresa

9/9/2013 9:22 AM

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS? Are parents that make excuses for bad behavior.

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS? Are parents that allow their young kids to watch adult content like the VMAs.

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS? Are parents that allow their kids to listen to music that talks about sex, cheating, stealing and disrespecting the law.

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS? Are parents that defend the inappropriateness of celebrities. By doing this you are sending a message to your kids that you welcome this behavior from them in the future or now for that matter.

WHAT IS RUINING OUR KIDS? Are parents that want to be their kids best friend.

*Let us be proud parents that hold our kids accountable for their actions.

Let us be proud moms that want to lead by example and not encourage our kids to grow up too fast.

Let us be proud moms that pray that our as our children grow they will look to Christ as their role model and not this world.

Let us be proud moms that teach our kids that they all have a special gift to offer the world and that we should use that gift in a way that encourages others and lifts them up.


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HoveringMom

9/9/2013 11:32 AM

AMEN!


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Dontuknowit

9/9/2013 9:55 AM

The fact that someone is writing yet another ''How I think your kids should grow up" article speaks loads to where we are in society. Come on!!! Who is this person other king of the pretentious? Who is this person to tell ppl how they should raise their kids?I'm a new mother and I've read it all and it all is very contradictory. There is no right and wrong but if your trying to raise a child who knows their loved and that your there for them then that's what matters. And everyone's wondering what happened to Miley? I'll let you in on a little secret HER PRODUCERS, This wasn't a child gone wrong, it was for publicity and boy did it work.


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runpixierun

9/9/2013 10:26 AM

1) Miley Cyrus - let's get this issue out of the way first, shall we? Although the Madonnas, the Mae Wests and Marilyn Monroes were outrageous in their time, they were not being portrayed as "youth". Despite Miley Cyrus's age of 20, the "angle" that was being "sold" to the public was that of sexualizing an "innocent". You know - Miley the teen, always associated with Disney and Family Channel - playing roles of a teen growing up, living at home with a parent (plainly not a mature, developed, worldly woman like Madonna or Marilyn Monroe). The singer was a mature "bad" guy singing "but you're a good girl" etc. So the whole premise was illuding to kiddy porn without actually being kiddy porn. And that is how they got away with it. It's not about what they did to her - (there are a lot of foolish young women who do a lot of foolish things once they turn 18). This is about the poorest of taste - the lowest form of supposed entertainment that they have attempted to foist on everyone ... and it is we, the public who should be "the neighbourhood that cares enough to say ENOUGH!". Instead of just shrugging at this garbage and thinking we should just change the channel, we need to use the great power we do have to demand actual entertainment that is good (demand more and expect it) by using the highly effective power of hitting their sponsors where it hurts most - their bottom line. The sponsors of such rot, want sales - okay, so don't give them sales - send them a quick customer feedback email (yes, a whole minute of your precious time) to say that you boycot their product/service and will get others to do the same because they have sponsored distasteful junk that is not suitable for anyone's viewing. This is about the network pushing the boundaries so hard, that they were using the most shock value allowable in order to gain ratings. If it were not Miley Cyrus, it would have been someone or something else that would shock and surprise any way that they could. It's all about money and ratings and getting it any which way possible, no matter how offensive. And no, it is not poor little Miley ... her handlers, agents and her years of experience in the industry would have prepared her for such enticements. Not is it about all the poor little girls at home watching (my kids were sadenned that Miley accepted getting that kind of attention, allowing herself to be made into a freak and going "downhill"). I am proud of their insight on this one. I say teach kids to be able to identify what is wrong and how to do something about it. The entertainment industry depends on consumers to drive them - and kids must learn to be very wise consumers at a very early age, even to go against the pressures of media icons and peers so that they do not buy into whatever crap is being foisted upon them on a daily basis.


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YoMama

9/9/2013 3:16 PM

Sexualizing the innocent? Is that a joke? That is some really special stuff. Nobody sold anything, uptight people like yourself have NO LIFE and live and die by what the next celebrity is doing or not doing or who they broke up with or who had their skirt lifted up, etc. Get a life! Is being so tuned into the private lives of celebrities conducive to being a good parent? She is grown up and like an adult, she can do what she want. I suppose she should stay inside and become a nun, never to have sex to suit what your image of how she should conduct herself should be!! You are an awesome parent! You stand steadfast against anyone doing anything that goes against your almighty rule! You are protecting your children from the evil likes of a DEMON like Miley Cyrus! How dare she do something that you do not agree with, after all she IS RAISING YOUR CHILDREN! Hahahaha wow. She is a woman now and far from innocent, sorry you've grown to believe that TV CHARACTERS are real people! It is entertainment people, and optional, and irrelevant to how you raise your kids. There it is in a nutshell!


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Joseph

9/9/2013 1:53 PM

Wow. Really? Do your kids call you "Mom", or "roomie"? Don't help them with anything, and they'll never come to you when they need help. With anything. They'll go to that "wussifying" 2nd grade teacher who made them feel like they were special when they need to chat.

To quote my wife to her mother when she was 4: "How come Mrs. Kendall knows everything and you don't know anything?" Allie asked a lot of questions when she was a child, and her mother Lynn took a view you would have applauded, namely saying "I don't know. You tell me." My wife loves her mom a lot, but STILL doesn't respect her opinion, on anything; we just had a son, and she asks MY mother about breastfeeding, cradle cap, co-sleeping, etc. When I asked her about this seemingly inexplicable disconnect (as I say, she does have a mostly great relationship with Lynn), she honestly didn't know why she didn't call her mother first.

I think I may know.

PS When my son gets to kindergarten, and goes to school late and/or lunchless for the first few days (you know, because I let him learn from the consequences of not making his lunch by himself), can you help me deal with Child Services? K thx.


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A Mom

9/9/2013 2:52 PM

Respectfully I could not disagree with this article more. The problem with kids and Miley today is that they were not cared for enough, there was not enough concern shown for their hearts and for what truly maters in life. When a Mom is dancing around to her daughter acting like a crazed, attention worshiping, stripper (like Miley's was during her performance) - that just shows that she doesn't have her daughters best interest at heart and, in my opinion, didn't care ENOUGH about her child while she was growing up. And, I'm sorry but this is not the "good ol days" anymore, we do need to be safe and watchful with our children. You will never regret keeping an extra eye on your kids but you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you weren't being watchful and something happened. I am cautious with my kids and they are not vulnerable, helpless babies - they are strong, happy, lively kids full of personality and totally able to see the difference between right and wrong. And they are that way because I am right there with them - doing life with them - teaching and guiding them, something that a lot of the kids in the world could use a lot more of. (not saying that there are not good kids or good parents in the world because there are!!!) And, I am not going to let my kids ride around the block with out me because I am too afraid to let them - but I am going to go with them because, call me crazy, I LOVE spending time with them! I want to be with them and play and enjoy life with them.

Miley needed more care and concern and parents who weren't afraid to step up and be parents, and so do the children you speak of in this article.


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YoMama

9/9/2013 3:06 PM

I hope one day we can all deal with a mildly risquee performance on TV without going nuts. The people and PARENTS in this country are so obsessed with these stars it is sickening. Miley is an adult and free to do whatever she wants. You disagree with it because you don't like it while you sit on your couch living "vicariously" through the celebrities you watch incessantly and obsess over. Change the channel, loser. Those stars you race through traffic to see and plop yourself down on the couch to watch someone else living their life. Then rush into work to talk about it. Get a life. When have you ever taken a real risk? Dealt with the pressure of living up to some imaginary code of ethics the fat couch potatoes in this zombified super consumer society demands? Please. When have you ever had a multi million dollar music career? Got up on stage and performed on nationwide TV or packed out concerts? She has worked hard to get where she is and if shaking her ass and dressing up like a teddy bear (OMG!!!!) is what she wants to do, then why not? Change the channel. Parents these days are more worried about what some psuedo celeb is doing on TV then they are with raising their own children. What she did should not even qualify on the "alert scale". Have you seen that thing called the internet? Because it is a straight up joke that anyone even thinks what she did is controversial! IT IS 2013 and like this author says the same type of thing has been going on since who knows when. Really, who gives a crap what she did? It was PG for chrissakes. Get over it. I feel sorry for your children, you losers. Keep teaching them to care about the things that are NOT important while you sit on your ass and think you've got it all figured out. Serious question: How does what Miley Cyrus did on stage effect your life AT ALL? If to any degree then you are a complete waste of space. Maybe you should be spending time with your kid instead of staring into the idiot box playing God trying to blame and cast punishment on anyone who doesn't live up to the set of ethics you pretend to adhere to. Safe to bet your husbands are watching far more graphic content on their laptops. Everyone loves an easy target, I'd like to see any one of these parents who took the time out of their day of "impeccable parenting" to comment here put their actions on a slab for the world to see. Really is such a joke. What kind of role model were you when you were 18? (I don't have kids, but I am a self made millionaire, and son to a mother who taught me to chase my dreams no matter what they are, and never let naysayers bring you down or judge you. Now go ahead and tell me that is a lie, I'll be your Miley!) Later zombies. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.


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Theresa

9/9/2013 6:18 PM

Oh Please "Yo Momma" you flatter yourself too much!

"I don't have kids, but I am a self made millionaire, and son to a mother who taught me to chase my dreams no matter what they are"

I am sure she didn't dream of the day you acted like this! I am glad you don't have kids!!! The world has enough kids that have no self worth because their parents had no moral compass. I hope by the time you do have kids you would care enough about them to teach them that they have so much more to offer the world than their bodies.


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Russell Matthews

9/10/2013 6:33 AM

Good article.

My mom was telling me the other day two similar things

1. When she was young, it wasn't a problem to play with sticks or run on cement. If you got hurt you toughen up and move on. Something a lot of people have a difficult time dealing with in any situation (kids and adults alike).

2. There was only one rule about playing in the neighbourhood. Do whatever you want just be home 10 minutes after the street lights come on.

Seems simple enough. The problem with todays generation is you tell them to play outside and they have no idea what to do. Boredom breeds creativity.


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lostintranslation

9/10/2013 6:35 AM

So underwhelmed by this blog ... but had to give me two cents. People should keep out of telling others how to raise their children. If you are raising your kids with love and guidance they will be fine. Even divorce and re married mothers make plenty of mistakes and have their kids make the same mistakes. And guess what?! the kids will be fine. Elementary Kids who make their own lunches & laundry or don't are both guess what FINE! They are not "wussies" if they don't and they won't grow up to be ... and both types of kids GUESS WHAT will RUN THE WORLD. Both types are good. But parents who call other people kids wussies have problems and should search deep inside themselves as to why they choose to criticize others. Specially criticizing kids (and their loving parents) and place labels on them.


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Maxwell

9/11/2013 6:54 AM

If you don't like people's opinions on topics, you should probably stop reading blogs. And if you don't like people giving opinions about parenting, you especially should stay away from blogs called "Mother Cusser." Dumb ass.


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swiper15

9/10/2013 7:45 AM

As a wise man once said, Mammas don't let your babies grow up to be wussies.


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Helen Austin

9/10/2013 8:51 AM

this is everything I believe in and mostly do... point 3 - I can't believe how long I made my oldest's lunches and love how long my youngest has been making his!!!

And thank you for point 4... if he can build the millennium falcon then he can fold a T shirt!!! :)


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sarah kubanski

9/10/2013 9:21 AM

cool


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sarah kubanski

9/10/2013 9:21 AM

cool


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Mandy

9/10/2013 3:59 PM

Ok read these and am a little annoyed . Yes we teach our kids what we can about self esteem , love kindess ect . But how do we teach our children to not be like the person they idolized growing up . My daughter had everything to do with miley , she was a good role model . Then she turns skank and we are suppost to tell our girls that they are not suppost to look up to her anymore or want to be like her. They think she is beautiful , nice , has her own selfworth and then she turns into someone we teach our children not to look up to ! Growing up everyone has people they look up to family , friends, artists , actors .... You parents of teenage daughters how do you teach your girls that the new miley isnt what i want my daughter to be like , when she wants to be so much like the old one ?? Its not poor miley she chose to be a role model for millions of girls made lots of money off of it and now she is going to the other exstreme and still have these same girls watching her and they still consider her a role model . Teenage kids only listen so much to their parents they think that they always know best that they invisable .... We have to just hope we have taught them enough about values . But miley sure does not make things any easier for these young girls


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coconutlove

9/10/2013 8:36 PM

amazing article, thank you so much for this! my sister and i were raised the exact same way that you depict - fostered to be strong, smart, and independent self-thinkers.

for all the people out there who believe that miley has a right to remain a responsible, guiding force to the young fans who grew up watching her, perhaps it's time you opened your eyes to the real world. you want to know what i mean? read this intelligent and intriguing article, which is in my opinion a very true take on what was really going on behind her performance at the VMA's. stop being so sheltered and step outside your little boxes to take a look at the real truths:

http://vigilantcitizen.com/musicbusiness/mtv-vmas-2013/


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Beth

9/11/2013 12:30 AM

I agree to a certain extent, Its all very well to say give their kids their freedom, let them play in the street, go where they want as long as they are home by a certain time. Some parents have done that in the past and their children did not return, something the parents and siblings have to live with for the rest of their lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving children responsibility (its a fantastic idea) but you need to make sure your children are ready for that responsibility first. As to Miley, I could be wrong but I think she has been given to much freedom and been allowed to make her own mistakes and look how that turned out.


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motormother

9/11/2013 11:28 AM

I get the point of the article, but the writer isn't quite addressing that things have escalated and the stakes have changed. There's a big difference between Maryln's skirt bklowing in the breeze and the blatant sexualization of children. Look at the media influence now. Let alone the fact that little girls didn't commit suicide from cyber bullying when I was a kid. Parents need to be more intrested in and aware of the new, tech related pressures. Don't coddle them, but don't expect them to just make all their own decisions. That's not a childhood, that's growing up even faster than they already have to. If you want to prevent your kids from idolizing tv personalities, explain to them that those people are 'always' selling something, it's all about the MONEY!


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SmarterThanU

9/11/2013 3:46 PM

LOVE THIS! So very true. There are too many 'helicopter' parents who are setting their children up for failure. Those who doubt, Google ANYTHING related to Generation Y. Sadly, this is not a new phenomenon. Parents who over protect their children make them think the world begins and ends with them and it only serves them negatively in the long run. The world is NOT more dangerous than it was 40 or 50 years ago. The only thing that has changed is our relationship with the media. Turn on your phone to get the local news and you will hear about the most recent child abuse case, kidnapping, or murder. It happened with the same frequency it did 'way-back-then' but our parents didn't have it thrown at them from the TV, smartphones and tablets. http://mobile.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/11584730/WHY_KIDS_ARE_SAFER_TODAY_THAN_30YRS_AGO

My children live and run free all around our community. I would suggest that those parents who keep their kids right by their side are the 'lazy' ones! My life would be a whole lot easier if I could tell them what to do, where to play, and monitor who they play with. Independent and active children are exhausting. They have opinions and personalities. Goodness! They get home and fill me in on their day and I have to tell you, it's EXHAUSTING!'


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Guidance Reader

9/12/2013 12:21 AM

Here here...

Just today I was telling my own mum how proud I was of my children. My 4 and a half and 6 year olds both did their own clothes washing - put it in the machine, put the machine on and then hung it on the clothes airers all by themselves once it was done - and the only part I supervised was the putting of the powder into the machine (because last time I left them to it the whole box almost ended up in there).

One of my favourite answers is "I don't know, why don't we figure it out?" and I let them do most of the figuring. Due to our diet restrictions, they are not quite old enough to pack their own lunch, or make their own breakfasts (it's too hard), but we've worked around that, so that we pre-prepare a lot of it together and then they do the final bit themselves before school.

This year, my son started pre-primary and my daughter kindy. Every school day, before I even get up, both of them are fully dressed for school, with the stuff I need to make lunch ready for me on the bench and the two of them watching TV while eating the breakfast we prepared the night before. I get up just before 7. It's such a pleasure to have such independent children and I am confident that they will be successful in their lives because of it!


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Bee Me

9/12/2013 1:15 PM

My son is in kindergarten and he makes his own lunch, folds and puts away his own laundry, and dresses himself, etc. I do fear him going outside by himself, but I try to foster an environment of thought and ask him questions about life instead of leading him through every situation. I'm a huge advocate of spanking as a consequence too.


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Amanda

9/12/2013 1:34 PM

I think the writer is just trying to give her opinion on how she feels the world is influencing her/our children. Yes times have changed, but in reality parents are parents, families are families. We are ALL different and have different opinions on well everything....including how to raise children. The writer is not saying let your child raise themselves, just simply help your child, teach your child how to do the basic everyday things...like brush your teeth, get dressed, do laundry, empty the dishwasher, make your lunch, play outside etc. This teaches them independence and helps them gain self confidence. This doesn't mean a parent is lazy, nor does it mean the child always has to do everything. Someone mentioned about spending time together as a family, well why not take this time, the time of teaching them to do these chores, to work together....mom or dad and child can all make their lunches at the same time, sort laundry together, do dishes together (1 washes, 1 dries)....Again, this doesn't mean that a parent cannot make a childs lunch, it does not mean that the child has to do laundry everyday....it's just simply teaching them the basics of responsibility. When a child is capable of doing certain things (like laundry, let them help). My 3 year old LOVES to sort laundry and put it in the washer. As does she like to put peanut butter or jam on her bread. Me allowing her to do this, to help, doesn't make me lazy, but is teaching her, helping her to understand responsibility and independence.

So please stop bashing other parents and their parenting styles/morals etc. You may not agree with the next parent but it doesn't make you perfect either. We all make mistakes...yes ALL of us...we need to raise our children knowing that they are loved, that they are full of worth, they are capable and pray that we have taught them enough to stand up for what they believe in, act appropriately for how they were raised and love others.

When it comes to Miley, well she is a woman now. Unfortunately, she was/is a role model for young girls. She is not a child anymore, but a young adult. Have we not all made mistakes? She is trying to find herself..she has grown up with fame and fortune all around her. She is looked upon from the world as little Miley, Hannah Montana. SHe is trying to be recognized as a young adult and not just a child star. Do I agree with how she is doing this?? Of course not. But she is still human like us (just with LOTS of money compared to some), as humans we have are good and bad ideas of how to live life and get known, on a big scale like Miley or small scale like most of us. Maybe she can be a lesson to our children, that acting certain ways can lead to trouble, bad publicity and heartache. Be who you are, not what others want or expect you to be.

Have a good one!


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Mike

9/12/2013 4:25 PM

If, I ever have a child with someone, Honestly I will let the child make their own mistakes, go to a friends house have a couple drinks come back the next day sick as a dog, well that's the reality check. The only thing I would really do is guide my child in how to survive, once 15/16 sets in stop allowance and spoiling only give them the necessities of life from then on and tell them flat out do what I did get a job and earn it and if ya don't want to earn it well, then you won't have it.


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A.

9/12/2013 7:27 PM

5. Let them walk the dog without you.

NO !

Most people can't keep their dog under control why a kid would be better ?

I have a DINOS dog and a teenager was texting while walking her 2 large labs ; she was not able to control them and keep them close whatesoever and one of them pulled her right in front of us. Well my reactive dog didn't like the fact that teenager's dog was right in her face (I always keep my dog close).

The girl was not able to pull the dog out .. it was a big mess.

My dog has some scars.

So please, for goodness sake, for all of us dealing with reactive dogs - DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WALK YOUR DOG (specially if it's a large dog).


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Worthless Post

9/12/2013 7:41 PM

Your kids must hate you. Seriously. When your kid gets abducted because you're not a responsible parent, don't come whining.


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allison

9/12/2013 8:06 PM

Why don't we take animals for a sample for our kids, if a dog or cat is use to being outside they look back and forth before crossing the street, if they are indoor animals the first time they get out they get hit by a car..


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BTMC

9/12/2013 9:20 PM

People need to get over being shocked by Miley Cyrus. For one thing she is 20 years old. She is an adult. Your outrage only fuels her further stunts.


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Black Widow

9/12/2013 11:06 PM

Number 8 was a horrible example! I'm the daughter of two dentists and I KNOW that it costs an arm and a leg to get any kind of dentistry done. So, if you don't want to tell your children to brush their teeth longer, fine, don't tell them to do so. Yes, they might get some cavities or have to get a root canal, but you, the parents, will be the ones paying for it with your money.

My advice to anyone who reads this: tell your kids to brush their teeth, scare them into doing it if you have to. Don't say, "It's their fault they got cavities. They'll get punished."

Really. It's good for kids to learn from their mistakes and learn things on their own, but if it comes with a price, literally more than theoretically, then you're doing it wrong.


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Michael

9/13/2013 3:26 AM

Nice article.


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B

9/13/2013 4:33 AM

Maybe allowing our kids to watch that garbage in the first place is the real problem. No mtv or muchmusic in my house. If I can't find enough wholesome stuff for them to watch, then I'll throw it out. We as parents should decide the boundries for our kids.


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devils advocate

9/13/2013 9:48 AM

So in other words, we should all just let our kids make all their own decisions from grade school and up, just like Billy Ray Cyrus did, and our children will then simply learn from their mistakes, just like Miley did. Got it.


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a.

9/13/2013 9:53 AM

Your overlooking a crucial factor here: by making a stink about Miley's performance being inappropriate, parents are parenting. They are showing their children that they don't condone the image and actions she portrays. But ignoring her, they would be doing the opposite.


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Sheri

9/13/2013 10:45 AM

I agree about making sure kids do things on their own. I agree that we can't shelter them from everything in the world, and we need to have discussions about things like Miley's awkward attempt at being another Madonna or Lagy Gaga...ugh!

BUT, I do not think that throwing 9 years olds out to "make their own decisions and pay the consequences" as one commenter said, is paying off.

I watch the kids who's parents give them huge amounts of "freedom" to learn on their own terms about the scary guy at the park....or the drug pusher on the corner...and about relationships and sex......and I watch their kids often flounder....because the parents are actually just to busy and use this methodology to excuse a life that is too busy to adequately guide their children.

The result...as I watch from a parents point of veiw, and as a professional...these parents end up having to face the "emergency" situation much more often than protective parents. Left to their own devises, kids who do not understand what a suspension from school will do to their future, end up with damage done that coudl have been avoided by a little more parental monitoring.

So we should give our kids more responsiblity...but also more guidance than this article seems to suggest.


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Kyle

9/13/2013 11:52 AM

I don't think people are understanding the main point of this blog. She is saying that by screaming at a TV and putting angry comments on social networking sites about how horrible Miley Cyrus is, that you are stopping the dialogue between you and your daughter. Before jamming your own opinion down your kids throat (FYI Kids don't have to have the same opinions as their parents--so don't scare them into it)-- why not ask your child what they felt about the situation and discuss why it was wrong, but most Americans won't understand this because we love the "don't ask questions, just do what I say" policy.


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Jordan

9/13/2013 2:35 PM

This is so dumb


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matthew kirkpatrick

9/13/2013 2:49 PM

i like her because she is different and people hate her fuck u haters


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DWS

9/13/2013 3:16 PM

Wow. What a load of horse-pucky. The only thing I'm sick of is wanna-be know-it-alls trying to give me parenting advice by writing nonsensical articles.... You sound more like you should be asking for advice rather than trying to dish it out.


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Momma6

9/13/2013 4:57 PM

Awesome advice! As a parent of toddlers and teens, I love giving my kids lots of respect and super high expectations.

Please don't say it doesn't work. I have raised awesome kids. My 17yo (honors student, marching band, summer camp counselor) and her boyfriend are cooking soup and baking in my kitchen right now. Even my 2 year old says please and thank you, and does what chores she can (put your shoes away, put your dish in the dishwasher, make your bed, help me fold laundry). I have never censored what they read, watch, or listen to (just be sure I read it too:)) and I am friends with them and their friends on Facebook. I'd rather n

Without exception my children have a strong moral compass,


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Lady Olenna

9/13/2013 5:27 PM

"we mothers do what we can to keep our sons from the grave, but they do seem to yearn for it. we shower them with good sense and yet it slides right off like rain off a wing"


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John

9/13/2013 9:07 PM

Whoa. Don't take them out of their boxes - ruins the resale value.


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27 year old mother

9/13/2013 10:41 PM

my partner and I have been raised very differently. I had a protective mother who warned me about dangers in the world and up until recently I still sought out her opinion on everything before making a decision. Not because I couldn't make the decision myself but simply because I respected her opinion. She was protective in some ways and also trusted me to do what I wanted in other ways. When I could do what I wanted at 13 yrs old I did just that, sex, drugs, parties, skipping school etc but she had enlisted values in me, I believe in God and angels and karma and felt I needed to do well in school so that I could make sure I graduated beacuse that is a value she had which she told me I needed a high school diploma to ever find work to live. I graduated with honors but I also was raped in the past a few times, made horrid decisions, almost drank myself into the hospital with alcohol poisoning for my 16th bday and when the first boy i thought I was in love with dumped me I was devastated rebounded and got pregnant at 18 just after graduation. My partner was raised by a mother who let him do literally whatever he wanted encouraged bullying and being rude to others and fluffed it off as sticking up for himself. Spoiled him rotten when he was a kid financially until they hit hard times when she got divorced and became a drug addict. He was forced to grow up way too fast thus having warped morals. His family are athiests and he has had assault charges in the past he has not graduated highschool and has been working and living on his own since he was 14 yrs old. His mother gave him way too much freedom and he was lucky nothing really horrible ever happened to him. now he has a warped sense of security and invincibility. My girls are 4 and 6yrs old, it took a whole year of discussions to figure out what works for our girls. My oldest tries to be too grown up and independent we encourage it for things that are age appropriate like helping with laundry and cleaning her room, but she lost the privilege to play outside not monitored since she had been taking off outside without telling us and we were worried sick looking for her on more than one occasion. Our youngest is not a natural risk taker and chooses to stay close, we keep an eye on both of them but at first he did not understand why thought i was over protective until he realized the dangers his mother never told him about....this city is crawling with child molesters, gang activity, thefts, people who carry knives and sawed off shot guns, bear mase as protection, cars get broken into every other day pretty much, it is common to hear of murder every other day in or around the city and senseless acts of crime. There is a difference between keeping your children protected and teaching them to make smart decisions with healthy bit of scare with real information and sheltering them. I do not shelter them I make sure they are safe.


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Not a mom

9/14/2013 12:19 AM

Me and my brother did the dishes every night, we made our own lunches (and our mothers) for school and we did our own laundry. We played outside with our friends with no suppervision, we walked to school by ourselves. We helped make dinner. We dressed ourselves. And now we are adults that know how to take care of ourselves now that we are on our own. On the other hand, my boyfriend and his sister had eveything done for them. They do not know how to cook or clean for themselves. They are non functioning adults. Doing everything for your children does not prepare them for adulthood. And is that not your job as a parent?


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SOCIAL WORKER

9/14/2013 5:56 AM

Part of this is right and part of this wrong. I agree with the entertainers portion of this article but I disagree with video gaming as a mean of bubble wrapping our kids. Try the parents today use it as a baby sitter. Not only that if everyone is so upset by Mliey's performance then block the damn channel or get rid of the internet. I don't feel it is wussifying them it is the parents are to damn lazy to be parents!!!


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Derek

9/14/2013 7:35 AM

Reading through the majority of mixed comments here, I shake my head slightly at some of these parents who pick on this article calling the writer "lazy" and so on. This article like most is not defining every aspect and daily detail of the writers life and choices, instead its more so picking on the few examples (out of many these days!) Of things some children can or can not do on their own. Sure, no age limits for specific tasks to be preformed on their own were given...but you know as a parent when your child hits that magical age to do things for themselves...let it happen . They will always learn better from trial and error. At the same time being there as a parent to correct or encourage them when needed

I was a child who had the freedom (within reason) to make my own choices, play outside, in the street, in my fort, down the block and so on. I also remember many things that helped me grow a spine and shape me into the man "in the real world" I am today. Were my parents lazy?, hell no!. They worried just as much as any normal parent would and I had curfews. But they let me experience outside life without a leash. I know times have changed and you also must factor in where the individual family lives which can change limitations on the childs "freedom" from their parents but in general this article is great!. Not on ce did I think.."man is she lazy!." I nodded my head and agreed with the few choice examples she brought up knowing that what she is simply saying(without writing a book on the subject) is to breathe...relax...and let your child do more for themselves. as they grow up. They will always be your "babies" but those little people you cradle want to do these things, that's how they learn and grow properly. Again, age determines which tasks they can preform and they will most likely give you the hint. when they verbally express curiosity in what your doing..folding laundry being used as an example.. teach them. Let them do it, and correct if needed. Apply this to many things they do and will do in life and even though they still get to be children, they at least start to become children that can do things better for themselves as they grow up and you as a "lazy" parent should be proud and relieved to know your child is better prepared for that "real world" they inevitably go off into.


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David

9/14/2013 8:08 AM

I completely agree. Having been a teacher, which I quit because most kids are total, out of control knobs, kids with too many "boo-hoo" problems is a teacher's worst nightmare. Majority of parents want to pass the buck on to anyone else for their child's upbringing than themselves.

Any child born from 1995 onwards is doomed with all the cottonballing, protective, political correct. everyone's a winner and get's a trophy bullshit for just trying to run in a race is damaging the psychological make up of their own kids.

Don't eat this, don't eat that, don't touch this, don't touch that, play safe, if you feel threatened run to the nearest authority figure and tell them all about your fears. Don't use "negative" speak around kids because it will crush their personalities.. that one I have the most contention with. If nobody knows they suck how can they improve? Only by telling someone they suck can they rise to the challenge.

I fear for the day I hit retirement....this generation of kids is going to doom the planet.


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Bob

9/14/2013 8:34 AM

Reality check:

Growing up 30 years ago is much different then growing up today. The world has become a different place from what it was when we grew up. There are a lot of sick people, internet has corrupted many, and kids have access to much much more then we did.


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Starchitin

9/14/2013 10:28 AM

I agree with this article for the most part, though I fear it might go a bit far in certain aspects. While I agree that kids are coddled far too much (and have been at least since the 80's) and need to learn how to figure out things on their own, parents should be there to provide guidance when they seek or need it.


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Treas75

9/14/2013 11:00 AM

I agree completely! I struggle with this on a daily basis. I tend to do way too much for my 9 and 11 year olds. They need to know they are capable of making there own decisions. And I find it funny that some have called teaching their children to be more self sufficient is lazy! It is MUCH harder and more involved to show and teach kids to do for themselves. I'm actually at my laziest when I just do it for them rather than take the time to let them figure it out and HELP them do it themselves. Teaching your children to fear the world around them is unfair and more dangerous in the long run. Thank you mother cusser for reminding me of this.


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Justin Zaza

9/14/2013 12:04 PM

This is the most ignorant article I have read in a while. Trying to extend the issue of coddling to encompass every world problem. Hilarious. This writer clearly has logic issues.

Celebrities, teachers, politicians, etc. all take zero responsibility, not just for our kids, but for anything. This is a real problem and it needs to be faced.

Or maybe we should extend the coddling to even more ridiculous lengths: maybe the violent music of 50 Cent exists because of MY bad parenting (though I have no kids)

The scary thing is how many people "like" this article: they can't wait to find a scapegoat so that they can jerk off to Miley Cyrus without guilt.


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Den Mother

9/14/2013 12:10 PM

i agree with some of the points made by mother cusser and got batmans points as well.... i do for my children because i can and i want to... i have very intellegent and well adjusted children... they are kind, smart and generous... yes my son enjoys his xbox a little too much and my 16 yr old daughter gets lippy more often than she should but let me tell you all this... when i fold laundry (all the laundry) my kids help me... we sit and fold together and talk... when i cook a meal, for all of us, we hang out in the kitchen together... sometimes they help but most times they watch and listen and share their ideas.... when i make their lunches, they are eating breakfast at the table and we are talking about our dreams from the night previous or the weather what they hope for their day.... we all watched Miley and share similar opinions on it... what disappoints me about Miley, and soooo many other female child stars, is that they begin as a cute role model but do not take the responsibilty seriously anymore as they grow up... they forget who is watching... they forget that over time they have become someone that children look up to and admire... they lose respect for themselves and the kids that grew up with them... its pathetic, but nothing new... i guess its their job

Miley has become a joke, like so many others.... plain and simple she acts like a tramp... and my children agree and no longer look up to her (a decision they made on their own) i am raising my children with values and morales that we can all be proud of.. they look forward to their futures, college, university, marriage, children, travelling etc.... the thought of them growing up and leaving makes me sad... they know that, but it doesnt change the fact that it will be happen... i am happy and proud of them and they know that....

they know i will miss them, and that makes them feel good... i will always be there for them and they know that as well.... i will always cook for them, do their laundry, make their lunches, and anything else i can do... its not because they cant, its because i am taking care of them and want to for as long as i am able... it provides them with a sense of security.... i am also teaching them how to take care and love my grandchildren one day, and someday i may need them to care for me

i am proud of the way i am raising my children!!! and no one can ever take that away from me!!

BTW, i was raised to be independent and do EVERYTHING on my own.... yes i suppose it made me strong... but i assure you, it did nothing for my self-esteem or self confidence....

I agree that we are in trouble with this generation of kids... and i know mine are not perfect... but i also know that my children are NOT part of the problem...they are straight A students, respectful, and hard working already... they are and will be contributing members of society... and to those children who are not? well in my opinion i dont believe it is because they are being paid "too much" attention to.... quite the contrary... so if your having trouble with your kids, get off your ass and become a part of their lives through teachings of family values and Morales... teach them about Karma, and our elders... talk to them about your parents, and grandparents.... teach them something new everyday... they WILL remember, and bring to the knowledge to their own children adn grandchildren in the future, plus they will feel confident in the fact they were loved growing up... you never know they might just miss you when your gone!!

thats about all i have to say about that....


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Becky

9/14/2013 4:57 PM

personally i think some of this stuff is a little extreme. examples

" #3 Are you making school lunches for your little babies? Stop it. If a kid is in kindergarten – they can make a sandwich. "

"6. If they come to you with a Popsicle and cannot open it – do NOT open it. Tell them to figure it out."

These two i think are a bit much. 5 or 6 year old maybe can make a sandwich but if you till them to make there own lunch they will try to find the cookies or candy. At that age they need to be watched because there brains are always thinking about what they want. And if you don't believe me go and take a child development class. I did so that i could become an EA. I agree that we need to give are kids freedom and not have parents watch them 24/7. But from 5 to 10 years old they sort of need to be watch. I am not saying keep them in the house 24.7 and have them play video games and watch Miley Cyrus. I would say the media these days and everything influences are children a lot. Whether you like it are not. even if you till them not to watch something or something is bad 9 times out of 10 the kids in there school are going to make fun of them because they say mommy won't let me watch that on tv. Kids find ways to get what they want or they will hurt there parents trying most of the time. You have to teach your kids that but you can't go to the extreme like not open there Popsicle for them come on.


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erin

9/14/2013 10:00 PM

Let's get something straight. I read a bunch of comments about how Miley was trying and failing to be "a big girl" or whatever. The fact is, Miley was trying to "WOW." That is what the MTV VMA's are for. "Who can be the most obnoxious and talked about celebrity appearance/performer of the night?" Guess what? Because everyone keeps talking about her in one way or another, she totally won.

Anyway, I'm not even a parent yet, but I'll never baby my children the way I was. I'd like to think I learned something growing up. This is not what I want for my future children. Still, I don't mind making them lunch, or doing the laundry, as long as they find some sense of independence and have responsibilities that they take care of and do well with, especially like getting good grades in school. It's all about education in my mind: adult to child, parent to child, teacher to child. I'm less worried about what Miley would be teaching them and more worried about what the teachers in school are teaching as a "history lesson," or that there is only one way to do math, or that abstinence is the only way to live your sexual life. etc. I'm rambling, so I'll stop. Yall get it.


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Ron

9/14/2013 10:48 PM

It is because of the crap that Miley did on the vma's, stupid reality shows and Viacom (MTV's owner) that put MTV into the crapper. I feel they need to go back to what they did play music videos old and new 24/7. There is already enough reality shows out there.


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Ilona

9/15/2013 3:12 AM

I had to grow up pretty fast, because the adults around me were to busy or lazy to look after me.Who knows they might even read that garbage about let the child cry her self to sleep

with " freedom and responsibility " on my shoulder as a young child,lots of ugly things happened......

I don't really miss my parents....... On the other hand I do love my child and I do anything for him.he is a child and he has a right to be one. When he will be a father one day, I'm positive he will let his children to be one too.

It's my job as a parent,, my duty, my pleasure to do his lunch, laundry or what ever he needs . I prefer his company over anyone else. He can ask for my help any time.

Children need love, need attention, children need good, loving parent, not a "friend"

They need our time.


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M

9/15/2013 6:09 AM

Agree with your article....too bad Miley's parents missed the boat. So much judgement in the world - don't judge Miley, but just the over-protective parents? Is either any better than the other?


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Lina

9/15/2013 11:16 AM

I think us moms need to give each other a break. Being a mom is hard work and we are all doing the best that we can! I would like to read an article from this blogger where she uses her words to build other parents up, and encourage them. It's easy sometimes to focus on what we think other people are doing wrong, but the only person we can really change is our-self.


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Been There Done That

9/15/2013 11:18 AM

Those that are writing books about how wrong the original poster is, go about your business need to just staaaaawp! Seriously, do you even realize that crimes against children have actually drastically DECREASED over the generations? True story. Read a history book sometime. The only thing that has increased is that we hear about it all now because of technology. Seriously parents need to let their kids be kids, stop putting them in a gazillion activities just so you can have them under constant supervision and brag on your facebook page about their accomplishments: That's about you not them. Give them wings instead of trussing them like the Christmas turkey for God's sake, and turn off the damn electronic babysitters!


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Can I get a do over?

9/15/2013 11:36 AM

I agree with you. Kudos to you as you've hit the nail on the head. Your words hit home for me. I truly wish I could have had advice like this when I was raising my only son early on. I fully see the results of my wussifying my child as my son is now 21 years old. It's hard to believe as I came from a family of 8 kids. Why on earth I had myself convinced that my world growing up as a child was all that different from his, I'll never know! I look back and cringe on how protective I was, robbing my son of taking responsibility, and the ability to make decisions etc.. I did wake up eventually, but believe me its taken a lot of work, and he's still catching up. I hope that your readers who are planning to have children or have young ones at home really take the time to let this info sink in & practice it.


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Ben Theiss

9/15/2013 1:00 PM

thats bubble wrap. Id say each chick (not lady) mentioned shows it getting worse. It's is parents job to make sure the kids are raised right though. Its not society, its not school teacher, not your pastor or rabbi. Its the parents job. Miley may be contributing nonsene. Telling girls act like a slut so you can be popular. Its parents job not to hide Miley from their kids but to explain how messed up she is and how horrible her life really is.


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Helicopter Moms Fail

9/15/2013 4:01 PM

My mother always told me "All children are born with wings, and your sole job as a parent is to teach them to fly. If they don't fly, you didn't do your job." As a former teacher, I can tell you there are a lot of kids out there that will never soar because they have parents that do their homework, construct their projects, make their decisions, structure their days, hold them accountable for nothing, give them everything they want and cocoon them from the "evils" of the world. That's exhausting! And to think all of that work results in a grown bird that is too afraid to leave the nest and unable to fly even if it wanted to.


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Echo

9/15/2013 5:18 PM

THANK YOU! FINALLY SOMEONE HAS THE BALLS TO SAY WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!

People like you give me a shred of hope nowadays. I'm so sick of letting other people make decisions for them. Copyright laws, constricting children and their freedoms, useless arguments about other peoples lives? It's ridiculous! I like people like you! You go!! :D


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me

9/15/2013 7:17 PM

as a father of a young lady to be, I am not upset that milley wants to do this! I am upset that she is doing it with the intent of keeping her fan base from when she was hannah. Who cares what madonba did or gaga or anyone else, they never started out as a star intented for a younger audience. They started out as perverted, slutty entertainers. Where as milley didnt! If she wants to be this way then she needs to tell all her younger fans not to buy her stuff or listen to her music or watch her videos as they are not age aproperiate anymore. This is my issue with a talented star gone wrong, like all the other talented stars, like amanda bynes, or lindsey lohan....or hell if the lovely and talented brittney spears.


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Trish

9/15/2013 8:44 PM

OMG!! This is probably the best thing I have ever read on parenting these days. THANK YOU for saying it how it is, FOR REAL!! I am glad to know that there are parents raising their children right. I hope everyone reads this!!!!


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Amiga

9/16/2013 7:04 AM

I think s,e of the commenters are missing the point here. If YOU want to make your kids lunches and do their laundry, that's your choice.....I think the original posting was implying that your children are capable and willing to do things for themselves! As a kindergarten teacher for a few years, it was so funny to see the little ones completely dress themselves to go outside at school 3 times in a day and as soon as a parent came at the end of the day they developed a 'help me pleeeease' attitude, which was always met with a willing parent sticking arms in coats and doing up Velcro shoes. I now teach grade 6 and have students who honestly do not know how to make a decision. I am constantly battling 'is this right? Do I do it like this? Should I do this or this? And my response is often 'what do YOU think? Trust your judgement kiddo!'

I now that it's not easy to see your child fail, struggle or be hurt. I am also a mom of 2 and it pains me to see my 4 year old girl come inside from playing with the neighbour girls (she is allowed to play with them without me hovering but she know she can't go anywhere without asking me first (she's also allergic to peanuts so that is a stressful point more than worrying about molesters in the bushes) and they're not getting Ali g or she's feeling left out of a game, whatever. Do I want to go and talk to the other girls, absolutely...do I go though? No. I'm not a lazy parent because I don't solve all her problems for her...she has to learn to navigate through life and trust herself. Of course I'm there if something bigger than her needs adult help but as hard as it is sometimes, I remind myself that I need to raise my kids to be prepared for life without me. We are actually raising adults of the future!


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Dont Get It!

9/16/2013 11:24 AM

I cant say I agree with this blog. For every child is different as is every situation. As a PARENT we have to be there for our CHILDREN regardless of the age. These are choices we made when we decided to become a PARENT. And for another thing I watch my child outside not because of only strangers but because of other things. My son does know most of what he can and cant do but you know I don't want to be the mourning parent because I wasn't there. And you don't have to set there in the chair and watch. Get up and play with them. Little exercise wont hurt anyone. We have to let our kids be kids. My son has chores to do but just because he is older doesn't mean we have to quit teaching them and parenting them. I always say to choose your battles and to me if he doesn't want to make a sandwich in kindergarten isn't one I would choose. Its my job as a PARENT to do these things


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Debbie

9/16/2013 11:36 AM

While I agree with some of the things written in the blog, she makes it seem like if you do anything for your child, you are not teaching them to do for themselves. I raised 6 boys who are grown and out of the house. A few had to come back for awhile, but they are all employed and making their way on their own. How much freedom you give a child depends on where you live, and the child. When the 3 oldest were young, we lived in a pretty bad neighborhood, and I wouldn't dare let my kids walk to school. They did play out in front with their friends, or we would all walk to the park. I was not overprotective (their safety was really an issue), and I love the play time at the park with them. By the time the next 3 can around, we were living in a nice area. My kids had more freedom at the appropriate age, and were told to only leave the neighborhood with a sibling, and to be home by a certain time. If they missed that time, they didn't go out the next day. I don't agree they always have to make their own lunch, although I never denied their help. When you have 6 kids, we mainly had a assembly line going. I DO NOT agree with the concept of having your drilling of teeth be the result of not brushing. Maybe once they are 10 or 12, but oral health is too important for a parent to ignore it. Just don't let them play or whatever unless they brush. Also, you have to look at each kid to decide when they are ready for certain freedoms. Each of my boys became responsible for taking over chores, etc., at different ages. And while one of them might do the laundry at 7, but not get dishes clean. Another boy would be the opposite. I actually think the most important thing in raising any child is giving them your time and love. Do things with them, take a day and declare a no chore day and take off for the zoo, park, etc. When a child is thinking back over their childhood, they won't remember that day you forced them to make a bed...but they will remember rolling down a grassy hill with their Mom


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Untamed Angel

9/16/2013 12:12 PM

Wow... what started out as a slap up side the head to parents, became a lot more than that!!! This wasn't about Miley Cyrus... it was about talking to your kids about it, and asking them their opinion... in other words, letting them have an opinion!! It wasn't about making their lunches for them... it was about letting them make their own choices in types of lunches they want, instead of the same ole PB & Jelly... It wasn't about protecting your child from everything so they would succeed... it was about letting your child fail so they KNOW the joy of succeeding... So, Please... read the message... not the words.


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Brittany

9/16/2013 1:09 PM

10. Raise your expectations on behavior and responsibility. Expect more. You will get more.

- This is absolutely not true. You are such a cold, brutal person to say the least. Do not "expect more" from your kids. Each one of them is different. They have different learning abilities, different ambitions, different personalities- aspirations, thoughts, dreams, emotions, ethics. Being a good parent means loving your child for who he, or she, is. Do not hold them to some expectation you need from them just to make yourself feel more proud, or see them as you want to see them. That is the ultimate form of control, and it will push them away. It will fill them with anxiety. It will feel them with inadequacy. I will make you the enemy, because that is how a horrible attitude like this portrays. Your child isn't your god damn clay mould you can form into whoever you choose. They are a human being, and we live in an extremely fucked up world. The world is full of suffering. A childs home needs to be the one place in the world they feel excepted, not pushed or punished by the people who are supposed to love them unconditionally for who they are.

Sure...you can think you're tough and a good mother by shoving them out into the world and saying, "look...toughen up! Get over it. Do it yourself. GET OVER IT". You are absolutely disgusting and your attitude contributes to why we have an entire generation of kids acting like total zombies....feeling unloved, unappreciated and just ACHING to leave the shackles of their mothers and fathers and their expectations on who they want them to be.

And believe me – I know it’s a pain to let a kid make a mess when he makes his lunch. I know that it’s easier for me to do it. But what’s the price?

Good GOD!! Are you for real? If you make your kid a fucking lunch, he or she isn't going to turn out like some incompetent, worthless failure because they were "babied" too much. You are their mother! Be a fucking mother! And stop thinking that hard punishment is the way to make your kids turn out the way you want them too in a world like this. Small acts of love...even just making a god damn sandwich, could mean the world to a young child. I would have killed to have parents who put in the effort to do that act of kindness for me.

I’m not perfect. I don’t always do it right. But I am so tired of seeing parents “wussify” their kids. But maybe I should keep my mouth shut – let you keep your kids afraid of their own shadows.

Because that means my kids will take over the world.

No....your kids will grow up to treat others around them the way you treat them yourself. By laughing in their face and telling them to toughen up when they cry. To feel no compassion, no empathy. Our entire society is sick with depression and little kids who kill themselves because they are bullied. Half of the country is on some kind of anti-depressant. Does all of this mean that we are wussified? As you would say?

I'll bet you were the mother who read a bunch of parenting books when you had your babies and decided to leave them in their cribs night after night crying for hours on end because it would "teach them good sleep habits". You probably didn't give a flying shit that those babies were screaming for their mothers comfort, thinking that they had been abandoned.

Your kids will turn out to be tough on the outside...to impress you...but sorry to burst your pompous, self-loving bubble, they will turn out just as fucked up as the rest of us. Only worse, because they will have parents who call them a wuss when deep down they probably have some deep rooted problem they feel they cannot openly discuss with their insanely high-maintenance mother who expects them to just "get over it".

You are a disgusting human being. I can see your parents did not love you as a child, or you wouldn't be so god damn cold hearted.


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Hillary

9/16/2013 2:24 PM

My goodness Brittany you certainly have a lot of anger boiling up! Hope u feel better after your ridiculous comments! Have you thought of going to counseling?

I find it interesting that the

teachers who responded to the blog liked it! These are the people who are with your children every day! They see

the anxiety in the child who can not make a simple decision without asking his/her

mother. Instead of raising

confident, independent people

we are ending up with more and more people on drugs for anxiety. In fact the USA wins the prize for selling the most

drugs for anxiety and depression!


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Tess

9/16/2013 2:56 PM

Eh. This doesn't speak to me.

I do not see how that anyone that finds Miley's actions offensive or don't feel comfortable with her new image automatically means they are over cautious parents that keep their children inside playing video games all day, not letting them play outside dodging cars and child molesters and opening Popsicles for them.

My daughter brought up Miley Cyrus the other day in the car. Our Conversation went something like this.

My daughter: Mom do you know who is singing this?

Me: Yes baby Miley Cyrus.

My Daughter: She is has really changed and is a bad girl.

Me: No baby she is not a bad girl..I think she is just has a different way of expressing herself then she used to . You never know maybe she is having problems at home and she is acting out.

My Daughter: Yeah.

Me: Do you like her now?

My Daughter: Not really.

Me: It's OK you don't have to... just let her do her thing.

My daughter changed the station.

The same argument you use here using about parents attacking Miley could be used as a debate about this blog attacking parents that choose to parent differently than you. Your approach in bashing others parenting while patting yourself on the back for your parenting as your kids take over the world is quite funny.

So as for this Mommy's house we will change the channel or station when Miley Cyrus hits the stage and my unwussfied confident child will live in a good environment (not perfect or blog worthy) that she and I together feel comfortable in.


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KLE K

9/16/2013 5:04 PM

the only one I disagree with is the dogs, and only because it depends on the size and how well trained the dog is. I ended up walking a neighbourhood kid home with his large, young, untrained GIGANTIC dog because it had knocked him over and he was crying on the street :(


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Brittany

9/16/2013 5:05 PM

Hilary...tell me more about how I need to go to counselling. Tell me who I am and what I am feeling. Let's have one massive internet argument over who is right and who is wrong. The fact of the matter is that the person who wrote this article spews out nothing BUT anger, and frustration. If anyone needs counselling, it is the author. No one has the right to tell parents who love their children that they are wussifying them. You obviously could not understand anything I had written. People like you, and the author of this article make this world unbearable for some people to function in.

Why don't you peel your eyes away from this garbage for two seconds and read up about Syria? Or something actually beneficial to your mind and to the planet, rather than grovel at some strangers feet for telling you how to parent via ignorance.


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Tess

9/16/2013 6:01 PM

Hillary... It is very optimistic of you to assume all teachers have higher standards and morals and are able to make such a bold judgement on how and why a child is acting a certain way and they are able to determine it is the parents fault. I see teachers in the news all the time for very poor decisions such as have sex with their students or physically abusing them or arranging fights for students after school. Yeah I will make decisions for my child and not base it of a blog rant or a teachers point of view..sorry. We had a teacher in our home town steal thousands of dollars from our drill team. I hope that logic works out for you though. Every thing else you are spewing is subjective and factless.


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Alex

9/16/2013 7:34 PM

What if I enjoyed playing video games when I grew up and I actually didn't want to go outside? Still don't lol


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Hard knocks

9/16/2013 8:00 PM

Oh and as for the Miley thing... Well that's just gross.


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Felix

9/16/2013 8:15 PM

Some of this I agree with and some I don't. Truthfully a lot depends on the environment your kids are growing up in, whether it is rural or city. And really, who gives a crap about Miley Cyrus . In fact, turn off the tv. Media causes fear, anger, stress, etc. go live your lives. We didn't even watch that stuff. We are so saturated with negative news that society as a whole is depressing.TURN IT OFF. Thank goodness for Netflix for the occasional movie... Good grief. Play outside with your kids. Help them when they need it. That's what parents do. That is real life. When they grow older let them live and teach them right from wrong. Get them educated. I can't believe this stuff isn't common sense for adults who claim to be intelligent and great parents. Miley and her life are pointless to argue over. I remember being a kid and seeing trashy women on tv from time to time. I watched MTV . And news flash... I wasn't affected by them. Kids are smart. They don't care about Miley . They want to be individuals. Did you all forget that you were like that not too many years ago? Obviously.


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jason

9/16/2013 8:17 PM

And guess who is paying the dentist bill for them getting their teeth drilled. Leadership is not sitting back and letting the chips fall where they may...ultimately whether or not you think you signed up for it or not you are a coach; and the stance that you have taken will make you a losing coach. There has to be some middle ground...bordering on neglect is not the answer. Let them play with knives...when they lose an eye then they'll learn! Moron.


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Krystal

9/17/2013 1:21 AM

Wow. There is some truly disturbing behavior going on in here. The way we treat each other and speak to one another is despicable. What happened to common courtesy and basic human decency? Can we not "agree to disagree" rather than ripping to shreds those with differing opinions? Wow. Just...wow.


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Katie

9/17/2013 2:25 AM

I'm sorry, I agree with many parts of this, but not all. I totally believe media is screwing a lot of kids up. Of course it has always been there, sex sells. Now, before and forever. What Miley Cyrus did was in no way compatible to marylin Munroe. Ever. It used to be tasteful at the very least. The problem, however, does not lie with our generation. These "helicopter parents" that everyone is accused if being are not us younger mums. They are the woman who have put off having children until well into their 30's and even early 40's. These are the real helicopter parents, and I've had enough of the snotty, whimpy little drips that they have put out there into society with no life experience, absolutely no grasp on reality and constantly with their hands out because mummy did everything for them so now everyone else can do the same. I don't not believe there are very many, if any, mothers in our age group who produce these kids. We were tough, and we make sure our kids are prepared for life. Older mothers have made out jobs harder because everyone is now an expert on what you 'should' and 'shouldn't' do. It is simply not realistic! We survived! Our kids will! And they will be well prepared to do so. Thankfully, more 'younger people' (and I mean us, in our 20's. not the 13-15 year olds) have decided starting a family early is better for all. Well done to all you young mums, it's up to us to prove society wrong.


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texasbondgirl007

9/17/2013 2:57 AM

First time on this blog, don't usually do the blog thing though my brother says I should so why not start.

To start with I am NOT a parent, teacher, star or even own a dog. I'm an aunt & observer, if asked my opinion I give it but its my opinion. My BFF for 18 yrs has 2 kids, one is 4 the other is 6. Of course she's Super-Mom, and her kids are so (oh I do curse a bit so I apologize for what's coming) goddamn fucking spoiled, it's absofuckinglutely ridiculous! She never has friends over bc her kids are awful terrors, I go over and am fucking disrespected by a little twatass punk? Fuck that. Fuck that up a sewn orifice and no lube. I have mom friends, polar opposites, and everyone's different. Kids yell at us elders (36 crazy old, hehe) make messes knowing someone will clean after them, they argue to get their way, I imagine that it is easier to do everything for ur kids, I get wanting to show ones love but when I see my BFF being made to feel she's mean bc her kids tell her that she is, I get fucking pissed. Her 6 yr old daughter was taking a bath when I was watching them one nite & she washed herself for the first fucking time in her life! I explained how to squeeze soap on sponge, washed her back so she would feel circular motion that's exfoliating and she was great. Course we'd already had a setback when she fucking yelled at me twice that she gets 2 cupcakes, 1st time I told her that she is not to yell at me, I will not put up w bullshit from a kid, so she gets this evil look and yells again that her mom said she can have 2 cupcakes at which time I stated I am not her mom I will not bend over and she will not get 2 cupcakes. Her brother starts screaming and carrying on bc I refuse to give in to their demands, I'm just so mean expecting kids to act respectful. I don't know if I'd say they wussify their kids as much as making them pussies. Yes I said that, I am a truthful person, it's the Golden Rule: do unto others as u shall have done unto u, and following that if I had shitty behaving kids I would beg people to tell me if I'm making one a pussy. Throw them in backyard if the front scares u, local park w friends and tell ur kids it's adult time, not to bother u unless bleeding or man offering a puppy from a car, but give yourself self time too. There's a compromise that's going to be different from anyone else's, try it. If one lets ones children misbehave and disrespect others, that's just wrong. Making a sandwich at 6, gasp, the torture ur child endures, bullshit, many kids like simple sandwiches, they can slap cheese, meat maybe mayo on bread, I've done it & if I can anyone can. I had a very lenient childhood, I was never spanked or yelled out, we kids came running from friends houses when sun started setting or we'd hear my dad whistle, I grew up and I'm an advocate for etiquette and help friends teach manners to their children. True southern manners, not just thanks and please, I want doors opened and chairs pulled out. 3 days ago watching BFF kiddos I'm told by kid she won't wash herself bc she doesn't want her mom to know she can, really? I've had seizures, it's just lovely when a pussy kid points strobe light towards me even after many talks about potentials and why not to do it but if parents aren't helping enforce that (which hello seizures, not a good thing to have) I can't go over just bc I don't want to seize, I'm just wack like that!

I get lengthy so I'll finish thought, although I must sound like I think wussifying kids is the stupidest thing a parent can do I'm not going to insult others, parents have the hardest jobs I totally respect y'all but I will never agree with doing every little thing they want. Jump off the roof into pillows, learn about gravity leaning back on a swing over drought dirt, but let kids be kids and learn on their own. It's perception always, I might perceive friend as a featherlight wimpy stupid dumb fuck for letting kids run all over them but that's just how I see it. I don't expect anyone to listen to what I think bc I don't have kids but as someone who's at that age everyone's starting families I thought (weird I can think!) people should know how we feel. And not we as an absolute but we who like kids as long as there's discipline and not so much spoiling!

I apologize if I offended anyone and thank all who read openly, have a wonderful week!


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Daycare

9/17/2013 5:18 AM

I have a home childcare and while all kids have their own personalities, it irritates me because so many expect everything done for them. 3 yrs old and can't even put his velcro shoes on? Not in my house. Thanks for saying what I also believe!


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k.

9/17/2013 6:10 AM

Completely agreed


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winniethepooh

9/17/2013 6:42 AM

playmates and playground. this will influence a child and don't be shocked-- but an adult as well. choose wisely. seek guidance (from God, good people, ...) who cares about miley. i do care about safety for my kids. this blanket statement of letting them go ride their bike is dreamy. nice thought. but realistic. no.


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Nicole

9/17/2013 8:09 AM

I think what you are missing here is the global part of community living, and that there are a lot of contributions to the socialization mechanism of influencing a child; most especially media (Sociology 101). Teenage years is a time where the child is becoming independent from the teachings of their parents and are looking to their peers, either comrades or icons, to glean modeling from (psychology 101). Due to these two basic principles, good parenting is to concern yourself about all things; the less likely stranger danger, and the more invasive negativity of pop culture that we invite into our homes because we underestimate its influence.


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sceptic

9/17/2013 8:40 AM

What you say would be true if we could cut children off from television and pop culture influence altogether. But this is impossible. This process starts early on, and it's absolutely not fair to market Hannah Montana to children and then have her sell herself as a sex symbol. Parents have less influence then you think. Theyre confused themselves.


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concerned

9/17/2013 9:23 AM

I have a feeling you don have children and if you do, What world do your children live in???? this is ridiculous not every situation you have stated is a safe one. The world is a big and scary place that is taking children's innocents away by the show they are putting on television. You can say don't let them watch it, but NO parent can protect their children 24/7 so these types of things should not be advertised everywhere. Even if my child is not watching it at home he/she will see it in the malls, at school ect. Its everywhere and does need to stop!!


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saddened

9/17/2013 11:02 AM

wow....tho somethings make sense in this blog but clearly there is a lot that you just don't get....What ever happened to : It Takes A Village To Raise A Child..?

To rely on parents to be the sole responsibility (tho a parent is ultimately the source) for a child is ignorant on your part. If that were true then we wouldn't have any crimes taking place in the fist place. There wouldn't be a need for children counselors or therapists. There would be no need for any kind of Children's Centers of intervention.....I could go on. The FACT is that not every person or/parent is responsible, as they grew up in such a home themselves. Who will speak for the children with no TRUE guidance??? Who will protect them?? We are now living in a world where even children are killing!..... A person can be the best parent in the world....until the world comes to get our children.....Our children are spending more time during the day at school (for example)....Not all teachers are good....and when they have our children more hours during the day than a parent does, how can they possibly teach and maintain the values you yourself want them learn if they are too busy teaching the curriculum? (Not to mention a Government Propaganda filled curriculum) There are many examples of ppl with authority that are corrupt.... I feel sorry right now for any child lost in this world and it's influences, when ppl don't seem to want to face the FACT that where a "parent" fails that no one is there to pick them up and do right by them.


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staygoldponyboy

9/17/2013 11:09 AM

I totally agree with this article, well done! I am admittedly not a parent but I am a kindergarten teacher, and as much as I love my students and their parents, 90% of the time the parents want to solve every single problem for their children rather than let them solve it themselves. They don't want them to feel stress or be upset...not that I want to stress out the children or upset them, but they have zero problem solving skills, because they haven't solved their own problems! I do not do a single thing for the students that they can do for themselves. Children HAVE to be allowed to do things on their own to develop confidence and independence.


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Bryan

9/17/2013 11:38 AM

Agree with your point of view concerning the parent’s responsibility to create a sense of independence and autonomy. Compare western culture to various other sociological constructs throughout the world and you will see a vast difference between what the expectations are of children. However as a parent we are also responsible for the safety and well being of the minors we are entrusted with and simply abandoning them or not providing adequate supervision may be morally questionable but in most states illegal. This leads to an entirely different argument about government involvement and interference in the lives of families, which I choose not to explore through this comment. The author made some valid points concerning developing critical thinking skills within our children as well as allowing them to express themselves and develop their independence. I disagree that we simply step back and allow them to flounder, attempting to understand and interpret the world around them without assisting and coaching them along the path. A successful athletic team does not perform well outside the discipline instilled by the coach, or military units meet the mission without strict adherence to safety, or a business flourish without the vision and direction of the CEO. Much like these examples our children will fail and often find themselves in situations that they did not foresee or are taken advantage of those who prey on their naivety, exploiting them without the parent ever knowing what is happening in their lives. The impact of a loving, supporting and engaged parent/guardian is what stimulates courage and independence along with trial and error.

Overall I feel you made a very good argument for allowing our children to grow and mature, but as their guardians we are also tasked with helping them along the journey.

Prepare the child for the path, instead of the path for the child.


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Jen

9/17/2013 11:43 AM

I'm sorry, if you're not a parent you have no valid opinion. The world is a different place compared to when we were growing up.


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hippy

9/17/2013 12:41 PM

stop be afraid to raise your kids .. if they need an ass whoopin GIVE IT TO THEM !

my son knows if he got out of line or disrespectful he got spanked . weather it be at home , school or where ever ..and I dared someone to say something about it .

its your job to teach them right from wrong . not the school system , video games , tv , other parents .. YOU ! stop making excuses for them . stop babying them . they arn't going know how to live in society if you don't make them grow up !


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Ryan

9/17/2013 12:54 PM

FREAKIN AWESOME! So AWESOME in fact I am having my 14 year old read this, these are the things I have been telling him for years. Fear is what you make it, it is always easiest to say no than it is to confront a fear or someone that does not agree with you. Stand up fight, have passion and LIVE. Life is an amazing journey!


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Karen

9/17/2013 1:40 PM

I had a babysitter over the other day, while I was doing some homework. I went out into the kitchen, she said, she could not believe that my daughter could make her own sandwich and put everything away, and even cut her own crust off. She has a sister who is a year older then my daughter and she is not allowed to do this herself. I have taught all my kids to do things on their own that is safe for them to do. I do not let them play outside by themselves, but that is because we do not have any other kids her age... oh by the way she is 5 almost 6!


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Otlwd

9/17/2013 2:32 PM

I completely agree with Batman. I'm 19, I don't have a child, but I practically raised my niece. I don't do everything for her, but I don't let her do everything on her own just yet either. If I'm making breakfast for her, I let her help. For a 5 year old, she can make some damn good scrambled eggs. She likes to help when I'm in the kitchen, and she knows her right from wrong.

Giving your kids independence from young prepares them for when they have to make adult decisions in the real world. I was babied when I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to do anything for myself, not having any responsibilities at all, and I sure as hell am paying the price for it. But every time we said "I know" or "I can do this" we would get scolded for "talking back" so we stopped saying it. I'm almost 20 years old, and I'm JUST figuring out how the world works, my part played in it, and how to do things as an adult. Me, as well as almost everyone I know have been babied until we were 17, left alone to "figure it out" at 18, and then, as soon as we hit 19 BAM. We're expected to make decisions that we have NEVER had any experience or preparation for in any way before. This is coming directly from several young adults who have been babied for the majority of their lives. You don't have to solve your kids EVERY FREAKING PROBLEM. Give them a chance. They might surprise you with how mentally and emotionally capable they are. And if they can't do something, they will ask for you help. But give them a bloody chance to make a decision for themselves.


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joe

9/17/2013 2:52 PM

bulls shit :) some might be true of what was said here, but if ur kid was raped or killed ull be a crazy son of a b&%# killing someone lol.. get the fu&% out of here with that shi&.....


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bjh

9/17/2013 3:14 PM

First of all, I am very disheartened by Miley's "act" while singing on the show. My 15 year old son grew up watching her and was a big fan of hers...liked her show, her movies...when he saw this he said she was "crusty" which I believe means gross. He said he lost all respect for her for behaving that way. His opinion is that she gave in to thinking she would be more popular, make more money, by showing her body, and with Miley, I think he is right. She is not the best singer in the world...she is Billy Ray's daughter and she had whatever it is that Disney looks for when they choose who to make their next big star. You say it's the parents...well, where were hers or Lindsay's or any number of young stars getting into the trouble they do. Granted, Miley has not gotten into trouble yet that I know of...but who knows what will happen. There are many more big name stars who did NOT resort to sex who made it big than those who have. Madonna came out that way, and yes, she wore the bras, etc, but she did it with much more class then Miley...Miley's was vulgar , a pathetic attempt to sell herself and her body...she is arrogant about it and she really is not talented at all. The whole thing was horrible and I made myself watch all of it...her confidence was not even there...the tongue thing...she did not accomplish sexy with that...she just looked like she didn't know what she was really doing.

I talk and talk and talk to my son about all of these things. We communicate. He doesn't listen to the songs with sex lyrics in them...he doesn't like that and I am proud of him for that. He has morals and standards and is not ashamed of that. It's all about sex in our schools these days...girls wearing colored bands on their wrists that indicate how far they will go with a guy? I know kids who have lost their virginity at 13 and 14 and maybe MAYBE that has always happened...but I would be willing to bet it happens much much more today than ever before. Every guy I have ever dated since my divorce ends up expecting sex after the first meeting...no matter what type of man he seems to be...if you say no, they don't call you again. My kids moved out when they were 18...my two oldest are teachers, my next had his Master's in his field by the time he was 23...he skipped an elementary grade because it was pointless for him, my daughter has supported herself since she was 18 and has finished her Associate's Degree so far and is continuing her education...I communicated with them I listened to them and not only that I HEARD them...I payed attention to them...not one of them is impressed with Miley's "act." I am not afraid to raise my kids...I love raising my kids...but I also believe in teaching them to be safe in this world because like it or not...there are a lot of messed up people out there who prey on children...those three girls that were held by that psycho for 10 yrs...ten yrs their parents didn't know if they were dead or alive...probably thinking most likely dead before they found them...THINGS HAPPEN...we cannot turn our backs on that. It is so easy for you to judge and throw this in our face. I know that I do the best I can with the knowledge I have with my kids every single day.. I have kids who are really kind, caring, loving adults...they see some lady trying to reach something on a shelf in a store she just can't quite reach...they stop and help her and ask if they can get anything else for her...I do not baby my son, I make him accountable should he do something wrong...I do it w/o violence (spanking) but he knows...he has a great head on his shoulders...and he knows exactly why Miley caved into this crap and he has no respect for her at all. I am proud of him for that.


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Andie

9/17/2013 3:53 PM

I teach my kids to take care of themselves quite a bit. HOWEVER, It's not all that easy. Some of us were not as lucky to have escaped the creepy guy. Wether he was a neighbor, friend, relative or whatever. And parenting through that memory can be challenging. So while I support fostering independence. I tread a little more lightly on the subject of creepy guys. PTSD as a parent is a bitch!


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Rebecca

9/17/2013 7:07 PM

Until you start paying my bills.....no one should make any opinions on how I should raise my child.

Who cares as long as any child is provided a good home.

Every generation feels they were the better generation.

I am actually tired of people being so judgmental of each other.


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Jennifer

9/17/2013 8:23 PM

I stumbled across this on a facebook share.

Some (many) of you mothers/fathers commenting on this post are the reasons kids are ruined. The author made many good points and she didn't beg you to read her article so if you don't like her OPINION on her blog, then why waste your time commenting and bashing her? Go give your kids a hug, get off the internet where you start arguments over personal opinion, and go actually parent.

I would love for your boss, neighbor, friend to voice these same opinions about parenting and you call him/her "fucking despicable" "lazy" etc. Some of you people are no better than what makes this article upset you so much. Sorry, but I'm so sick of people sitting behind a computer screen and making comments you would never say face to face.

END RANT.


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April

9/17/2013 11:15 PM

Right on, Girl!!

When I explained that expected my 11yr old son to get himself up with his own alarm, make his bed, get dressed, turn off our alarm, let our dogs out to pee, feed them, take his ADHD meds, make and eat his breakfast, put up his dishes, walk our dogs, brush his teeth, comb his hair and get to the bus stop with his backpack and trombone on time without my help you'd have thought I was the cruelest mother in the world, and that he had super powers. Ridiculous. Expect more, and you get more. My ultimate goal as a parent is for my kids to be prepared to move out and never want to move back in. That's what all other species of animals do. What has happened to us?


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Chuckmo

9/18/2013 4:46 AM

Oh, kiss my ass, Jodi. No one needs to be lectured by you on how to raise their kids. You had a few decent points in this shit pile of a post, actually, but sadly they were ruined by your sanctimonious know-it-all holier than thou tone. Take your "I'm the perfect mom and you suck" attitude, and shove it.


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Kat

9/18/2013 7:41 AM

Applause! My 21 year old son is about to graduate with a double math and physics major. He is applying to graduate schools right now and plans to pursue a PhD in quantum information. He lives on his own, and gets upset that his housemates don't pick up after themselves. I get asked all the time how we were such successful parents. I don't consider myself a successful parent, I consider my son to be a successful human. Our society seems to be forgetting that childhood is training for adulthood. The truth is, we always treated our son like he was a fully competent member of the human race. When he had a question, we encouraged him to find the answer for himself, when he had a problem with a peer, instead of telling him 'what they think doesn't matter' we asked him why that person might have behaved that way. When there was work to be done on our family farm, he was expected to work at his ability level, that meant picking up tobacco leaves from the field at age 4, and driving tractors at 14. We are not perfect parents, we never tried to be either and we never hid from our child that the world is a wonderful, chaotic, and imperfect place.


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Ezekiel

9/18/2013 8:16 AM

I'm curious who the author who wrote this is, more specific than just mother cusser


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Administrator Account

9/18/2013 8:37 AM

Is there is a specific reason you would like to know this information? You can send a private message to Mother Cusser by liking the Facebook page. Depending on what you are looking for, ie: press requests, speaking engagements, etc, your request will be routed to the necessary people.


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Kimberly Nyborg

9/18/2013 8:58 AM

Okay, good stuff...a lot like Dr. Kevin Lehman's books on raising kids. It is called being responsible not over protective. Little bumps kids suffer along the way are what teaches them not to do or go there again. I don't think you will see a typical kid touch a hot stove twice!

Thanks there mothercusser for your insight and let's pray others git it!


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sempifi99

9/18/2013 9:49 AM

I like everything in the story. Not that people should take this as a handbook for raising their kids. But it does bring up some interesting points. Though, I the cheap shot at priests is not called for.


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Shannon

9/18/2013 10:16 AM

I agree with everything Mother Cusser said... But I would like to add a few thoughts to this subject. Sending your kids off to play in the street while unsupervised can be a safe and fun learning experience and an exciting developmental milestone, too. They will feel proud of themselves! Remember though to give them the information they need to stay safe. This includes role playing and coaching to prepare them for the possibility of a predator who might want to lure them away or befriend them and start the "grooming" process. It also includes making sure they understand the rules of the road, and what to do if someone is hurt or lost, etc. And make sure you are someone they can talk to of something happens that thru don't know how to deal with.

I LOVE the point that was made regarding fear. Too many adults live in fear, and (intentionally or not) teach this way of life to their kids. I have started leaving my 9 year old at home alone. At first just for a few minutes, gradually working up to 2+ hours on occasion now. I leave him with the house phone so he can call me if he needs me. It's working great for us- I can shop without dragging him along, and he feels proud that he is trusted to be by himself.

When other moms I know learn about my practice of leaving him alone, I get a positive reaction from about half of them. Others look positively mortified. To those people I just smile- and secretly feel superior... Lol!

Another quick point - regarding making mistakes this time. Embrace mistakes. Don't lecture or judge or disapprove of anyone's mistakes. If we are afraid to make a mistake, we won't try new things or experiment with ideas. We will stifle our creativity and limit our options.


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Tim

9/18/2013 12:05 PM

I have this theory that helicopter parenting began to reach it's current height with the advent of doppler radar. In the mid-90's we began to compliment 'bleeds-it-leads' television with the ability to know about a thunderstorm that was literally hours away. We were (and are) alerted to it's presence on a regular basis. We turned the common-sense building aptitude of getting-out-of-the-rain into a cause for fear and dread. (Please, no comments that I'm saying tornado warnings are over-blown or abduction warnings unnecessary . I'm not talking about dire warnings). The doppler system feeds anxiety and calls it ' urgent news', and many other forms of false urgency have emerged since. Thanks very much for the reminder to help our kids develop their own common sense to come out of the rain.


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nmont

9/18/2013 1:12 PM

First time I am reading your article. Very Interesting! Just want to add one more thing if possible. I think it is a two way street....The artists or the performers and the audience. The artists, the performers were on the pedestal one point of their lives...the audience, the light, the fame, the love and the attention and...........Now, they are longing and yearning for the same attention and love from the same audience but since it is too late and other new artists are on the top...then one of the options of the vulnerable artist is to get the audience's attention by doing the unexpected.. I think the audience is as guilty as the artist. These artists are vulnerable and ready to do anything to get the same attention and love from their audience and I think we as parents including myself, we are guilty to raise children who put those artists in the pedestal; who look for hero outside of themselves when in reality is within their own soul and they keep looking outside and for a short period, they think they found the hero, they put them on the top, they worship them, they long for the artist but then, they shift to another artist.. .So, perhaps we as parents (trust me I am as guilty as others) do something about it and in addition to your great recommendation of your article, we can also consciously, I mean consciously nurture, foster, allow and help them reach the hero within, the true artist within, the true performer, the true love within rather than allowing them to look outside so they shift from one artist to another and get disappointed. It is great to raise children who enjoy and appreciate true art, great music but it is another to raise them to be an audience who shift from one hero to another. As Rumi, the Persian Poet says:

You are dreaming your thirst,

when the water you want

is inside the big vein on your neck.


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Abby2198

9/18/2013 1:59 PM

This woman is off her rocker. She shouldn't generalize all kids. Some kids have other needs. Consider AUTISM. WANDERING. Give me a break. Where does she get all her "professional" evidence from? I wouldn't glorify any single bit of this for even a minute. Parents: Go with your gut. Give independence, but YOU know YOUR SPECIFIC child. If they aren't ready to be walking the dog all over the place by themselves, don't listen to this loudmouth telling you to do so. I'm not a "helicopter" parent, but I am a parent of a child with Autism, and to those who have children with Autism, and don't know it yet, this ridiculous advice could be catastrophic. And to those who have kids who aren't mature enough. You're the parent, you get to decide when your kid is mature. Not by some trumped up blog from some woman who seems to be pissed off at the world. Get over yourself, lady. Get a life. Get with it. Things happen to kids, and I bet the parents of those kids never thought it would happen to them. It's always someone else, right? Never you! Never us! Give me a break, and give yourself a REALITY check. If you're going to give out advice, you better make sure that it's GOOD advice, and not just your whacked out, overly liberal opinion.


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Jane

9/18/2013 2:07 PM

I like your rant, it is spunky. We miss good things if we edit ourselves all the time. I do laugh because many people I know who are the way you describe, including me too often, (getting better- I don't chew my child's food for them first)

Anywho, those overprotective parents don't seem to have issues letting their young girls take dance lessons and dress as bordello whores or caberet singers at the ages of 5-whenever. Then post them all over facebook for the perps to use. But I can say that because I have sissy boys! lol. Keep on rockin' in a free world spunky.


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Abby2198

9/18/2013 2:10 PM

PS. Love how when the name of the admin was requested, it was responded BY the admin, with "Why do you want to know?" Put your name to what you write, unless you're ashamed of something, or it's not true. Don't you want the credit anyway?


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Mother Cusser

9/18/2013 2:33 PM

Abby2198 - come meet me on Facebook. Would love to have you.


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Deb

9/18/2013 2:28 PM

I'll sleep much better tonight knowing someone else thinks similarly to me. The world will survive...and OUR children are going to be on top of the heap...moooghahaha :)


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Amy

9/18/2013 2:53 PM

I agree with most of what you said, but not all. What is wrong with our generation that we are constantly over thinking things and then piling on the guilt? Worrying about whether or not our kids will live at home when they are 6. Really? Let's just use our brains and find a happy medium without stressing out and condemning each other. We live in a different world today and it is our job to protect our children until they are of a certain age. The things you protect your child from vary from influence to influence and child to child. My 7 year old can handle some things better than my 9 year old can, but my 9 year old does laps around him during chore time and is uber responsible. How about we just take the time to get to know our children and do what's best for them - at that moment in their little lives? Not comparing ourselves to any other parent or our child to any other child. I have 4 kids and I am tired of stressing and making this parenting thing harder than it is. How about a blog on that?


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Kelli

9/18/2013 3:06 PM

After reading a lot of the comments, I can see good points in both sides. As a mother of 2 kids. One is 16 and the other is 6. I did everything for my 16 year old. Now he has troubling doing stuff for himself. In school they are not going to help him with everything, he needs to know how to do things for himself. And you learn things by making mistakes. Now with my 6 hear old I do give her more freedom on doing things. I have her help me make her lunch and she helps with the laundry. She plays outside where I can see her at all times, but I am not standing 15 feet away from her either. If you teach your children the dangers of outside then I feel you are doing right. You can't be with them 24/7. So they have to know how to think for themselves. I agree with the writer of this blog. Kids need to be able to do things for themselves. That doesn't make you a lazy parent. As long as you are there if they get into a situation that they can not handle. When my 6 year old gets into a fight with her friends,I let them work it out and not jump right in a d fix it for her. I give them the chance to do it,because that is what happened in the real world. Thank you your time in reading this.


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Julia

9/18/2013 3:33 PM

As a long term nanny for many families, I have watched kids go from completely reliant little*shits* to creative, intelligent, self-respecting, independent, functioning little humans all by a change in mindset by the caregivers. Stop giving in and they will figure it out. Stop picking up their toys, and when they are stepped on, the dog chews one, or its lost they will learn that if they want their toys to last, they need to pick them up! Same thing goes for picky eaters, if you keep giving in and making them special food because they don't want whats for dinner, than they will continue to be picky eaters! I love this post and I will share it with all of my families! Thank you!


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Tammy

9/18/2013 3:49 PM

I agree our kids should not be bubble wrapped meat heads who can't solve a simple problem without 3 hours of parental preparation and guidance...however...you can't compare Miley to any of the above mentioned. Seriously, my parents and grandparents were not shocked and appalled by the actions of the other celebs you talk about. Miley is acting like a tramp. There, I said it. The rest of those individuals were well into adulthood and left something to the imagination, even Madonna. I don't know what Miley's problem is. Maybe whatever is wrong with her is the cause of her poor decisions, maybe her poor decisions are the cause of her problems. I think the biggest shame of all id that the media keep covering it! And people are eating it up! Whether they agree with it or not...It's like driving by a bad accident, they just can't look away. Let your kids be kids...that means keeping them away from viewing this trash. Yes sex has been around forever, but what she is doing is practically pornographic, and sorry folks, porn is NOT for kids.


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Jen

9/18/2013 6:24 PM

I partially agree with this post and partially not. I'm sorry I'm definite not letting my child ride her bike by herself around our block by the 3rd grade:/ times now are very different than before this is for certain. While your Miley Cyrus is not going to damage our children lol however there are no shock values for most children anymore because they are exposed too much and have too lite reins on them(this being where we disagree). Most children are being raised by themselves, by tevisions, video games(violent if that). It does begin in your home but I think parents being more involved is a great thing! The problem is most aren't now or can't be. So to belittle any parenting style is ludacris unless you are legitamitley hurting your child. If a parent allows there child to go off by themselves and them something bad happens I'm sure you're the first to say where were the parents. I'm always going to hover over my daughter her whole life! Does this mean she won't have confidence? You are highly mistaken lol. Being a cautious parent allows your child to be cautious(and they should be)! My job is to protect her! And to raise a good wholesome functioning young lady that can function in society;) and if this means she lives with me at 30 well so be it lol:p does this make your child bad? If rather have this than a child who knows no consequence and doesn't grow up knowing how to function in society be side they had no guidance.


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Linda Edeiken

9/18/2013 8:20 PM

Yes.......We need to have open discussions with our kids about the Miley Cyrus thing...but don't forget to talk to them about Robin Thicke too - especially our sons.


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Scottie

9/18/2013 8:54 PM

my problem with Mylies performance wasn't what she did...it was just that it was a BAD performance. It was clumsy, (whore)ably choreographs, thrown together, sloppy, and just plain bad. No matter who did that, i would've said the same thing. Also it was just painful to watch her try waaaay too hard to be a sexy grown up. If i would've seen her in a club acting like that, we'd be all standing there laughing at her. The difference between all the other names you listed off is that their sexiness was more natural. It didn't reek of "trying to hard". Even at her sluttiest, Madonna was still classy (for lack of a better word). I think it is sad though that young girls think they have to substitute acting like a whore for their lack of talent


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Dee

9/18/2013 9:14 PM

To send a third grader (the exact age of my child) out to play and say "see ya at 3" in my opinion is a little extreme in today's society the same society created by the adult versions of those "see ya at 3" children from a generation ago. I completely agree that children need to learn things on their own, they need to face and overcome obstacles, but I believe there are other ways to do it than to send them off on their own at 8 years old. Just because a child isn't allowed to ride his bike without parental supervision doesn't mean he is embraced in bubble wrap. There is an age for everything. Is it coddling to not let a 12 year old watch an R rated movie? Where is the line? Between sports and school and friends, our kids are faced with adversaries on a daily basis, do we need the potential threat of a lurking kidnapper to prove how strong minded of a child we have? I totally agree that they need need need more responsibility around the house and THAT is your best point. There is NO ONE better to teach your child responsibility than YOU! But on the same note, I pack my lunch for my daughter EVERY DAY! and inside her lunch box EVERY DAY is a letter from me telling her how much I love her. So no matter what kind of day she is having that little girl will smile at least once. That trumps whatever lesson she will get by packing her lunch herself. She comes home, however, and cleans her hamster cage. It's a trade off. For God's sake we live in a world where people open fire on five year olds in a school a block or two away, a world where a first date turns into a last date because a lunatic blew away the audience in a movie theater! So instead of taking my chances, I am going to let me daughter peddle her little butt off down the road, across the street into the parking lot of the grocery store, walk in, take her money out of her little pocket give exact change for her pack of gum and bottled water and jump back on her bike...and I'll be five steps behind her the entire time.

And there is a HUGE difference, btw, between Miley and Madonna and it, my friend is called talent.


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Chris

9/18/2013 10:11 PM

Great post. I especially liked the part about giving them space to figure out the problem at hand.


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Dee

9/19/2013 6:00 AM

LMBO @ Scottie....Whore-ably...perfect!


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Dianne

9/19/2013 6:36 AM

I think a lot of people here would benefit from reading the book Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. It is basically the same ideology as Mother Cusser. What she does with her kids is based on the comfort of her as a mother knowing when her kids are responsible enough to do things. Not everyone's kids will develop that ability to do things independently at the same age. The point is that when a parent knows they are ready they let them do things on their own, fall and learn to pick themselves up without assistance. They achieve more by doing so.

And its not hard. Anxiety as a parent is super high and letting them do things on their own isn't easy. Fighting the need to help them or to baby them is something that needs to be defeated to let your kids fly.


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rucifer

9/19/2013 6:38 AM

I had a mother that many of you might think of as "terrible" because she was barely present in my life. I took care of myself and my younger sister and now find myself well ahead of my peers at university. Many of my friends still live at home and cannot do their own laundry or make their own food, let alone make decisions about graduate school. I have friends whose parents have actually helped them with their university applications and are still part of the registration process. My mom has no idea which year I'm in at university or that I'm about to graduate let alone which classes I'm taking. I feel a million times stronger than my friends and very confident that I will be much more successful.


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kdenay

9/19/2013 6:44 AM

I agree with the article to a point. If I do not want my children to follow certain trends I block it, if the they see something appropriate I explain to them why it is not right for their age etc... as for letting them around a neighborhood by themselves, or the "four square in the street" that must depend on where you live as well as your children. the point this article is saying is keep your children safe, but at the same time don't live for them. Teach through example how to live, become their role model... teach them to become self sufficient through trial and error. You can show your child you will be there when they fall or fail, but it is they who must rise up and ask for help only when they truly need it.


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Treed

9/19/2013 7:30 AM

Good article and you make some great points. Today children are leaving home ( when they do) not knowing how to do their own laundry ( I mean why? There are people that have businesses now that can do that for little Johnny)

Also one thing you left out was : Far to many parents allow their children to quit instead of finishing things they started. If little Susie cries and puts up enough of a fight they in turn leave and never make them finish what they started. Teaching them to manipulate their own parents and others. Making them again lazy and never finishing what they start or never even finishing at all. Parents, if your child is in a safe enviroment , and they start something , make them finish. In turn you have a child that is self confident and can rise to a challenge.


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I AM the best child-raiser

9/19/2013 7:52 AM

I think what is ruining our kids is people that think they know exactly what the solution is to raising "good, well-adjusted young adults). Every kid is different, every parent too.


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lisa

9/19/2013 8:58 AM

i dont agree. i watch my children like a hawk. after having your daughter taken in a grocery store, and thankfully he let her go before getting to the front door.. i watch my children like a pissed momma hawk. .. because for one min i didnt, and she was gone. at age 5 when she was next to the shopping cart while we were loading soda into the cart.. and she was gone, and my heart was pounding, running around calling- no screaming for her and not hearing a reply... screw that.. i WILL make my kids lunches, I WILL fold their laundry and they put it away, I WILL watch them outside, I WILL be a hawk, I WILL allow them to make choices, BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO HOVER UNTIL I CANT ANYMORE. i dont care what anyone says. I did not have my parents who hovered over me, and i did whatever I wanted in life, and if you knew my past you wouldnt talk to me today.. SO I WILL BE THAT MOM WHO WATCHES IT ALL..

my oldest who is 12 almost 13 is more into reading and educating herself to get into medical school to sure cancer when she is old enough, not online talking to boys and whoring around, and my youngest is a smart, funny, caring little girl who will go outta her way to help someone and be their friend... and she has goals and ambitions already at age 7 and thinks about college already not drugs, and so on.. innocence... maybe.. GOOD parenting YES. i dont care what anyone says. i will be that over protective mom. i didnt have one, so i will make damn sure that my kids have a mom who is there for them every step of the way, and i will NOT be a friend, I will be MOM.. but they will be able to talk to me about anything under the sun. and i wont sugar coat shit! i went through 9 monthsx2 and well over 30hrs labor to have two emergency c sections, and i will DIE before I let anyone tell me different about MY CHILDREN. media, or whoever. i allow my kids to slip and say swears, they know when and WHEN NOT TO use it... i will not ban swear words in my house. I let them have soda, so what.. They know what is a good choice and a bad choice, they stay up late, they sleep late, if its for school they know bed time is bed time.. they get hurt, im there to help.. they get into trouble which has never happened, i will be there to see both sides of the story.. if they get into a fight, they will have to fend for themselves.. all that i have taught them will have them ready.. tuff love never killed anyone, but... i will always be there to correct them and love them. we have our own way to raise our kids, AND EVERYONE WILL SAY THAT MY KIDS ARE SO POLITE AND HAVE MANNERS THAT THE WISH THAT THEIR KIDS WERE LIKE MINE, and if i wasn't such a mamma hawk, they would be lil bastards running all over town.. pregnant...doing drugs.. fucking up like most kids that have NO PARENTING in their lives.. i will be that MOM that other kids hate.. I LOVE IT!if people ONLY knew what i went thru as a child and grew up with in my house. lmao. some parents need to take a lesson from the real world. not let them run free..

i would never EVER let my kid walk the dog alone at the age of a 3rd grader!

i would never let them play in the road.. wtf..

i would never let them just come home when they feel like it..

WE HAVE RULES FOR A REASON


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Karen Rogeberg

9/19/2013 9:46 AM

Yes, stop being over protective. Jacey Duggard was probably just exaggerating when she said the man that held her captive for years kidnapped her BEFORE she even knew what was happening. He quickly pulled up beside her, and covered her face with a chloroform soaked towel. She said the last thing she remembers was urinating all over herself as she passed out. She should have just yelled "CAR"

Your advice would be spot on, if it was 1952.


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Maggie

9/19/2013 9:54 AM

My exception to the rule is the teeth brushing. ME paying over $200.00 per (white) filling the pediatric dentists ONLY do, is far more painful than the drilling that my 9 year old endured. I am sitting on that kid while he brushes until he has his own dental insurance. Then he is on own.


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Nelli

9/19/2013 10:02 AM

Thank you for the article. You have a lot of great points and gave me much to think about. The one thing I will say that I think is different for kids growing up now as opposed to when I was a kid (back in the 70's) is the internet. I don't think many parents really understand just how empowering the internet is for people out there that have a desire to hurt kids. Back in the 70's, I think life must have been pretty isolating for the average sexual deviant. Today, thanks to the internet, deviants are connecting all the time. They are exchanging ideas, photographs, techniques in the same way that parents are exchanging parenting tips. It's sick really. But they have thousands of people telling them the way they feel is normal and natural and the rest of us are the ones that are screwed up. So, go ahead and let your kids ride around without supervision, take off for hours and come home at a predetermined time. Chances are nothing will happen and they will be ok. For my kiddo, I just don't think I can take that chance.


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Amy Wilson

9/19/2013 10:05 AM

Common Sense Media put out a hilarious video with Samuel L. Jackson that communicates a similar message - i.e. "Take responsibility, people." It's really funny: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/83dd3eeaea/everything-is-samuel-l-jackson-s-fault


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Fuck U

9/19/2013 10:30 AM

Im going to run your kids over with my cj5 that I bought without my parents knowing!


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Dee

9/19/2013 10:46 AM

@ Karen R...I wish I could like your comment more than once.

@ ruifer I think it's amazing that you turned out as well as you did but I am guessing you are among the minority of people who turned out well when their parents were never around. It's sad that your mother doesn't even know you are graduating. I couldn't imagine not having a relationship with my daughters...or even my own mother. I don't agree with everything in this article but I don't think she means to correlate independence with negligence.


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Michelle

9/19/2013 10:52 AM

I totally agree with this. However, I would like to add something if I may. I think that parents are made to feel like if they aren't coddling their children, then they are bad parents. Example (I'm telling on myself so it's the best kind): When my husband and I were driving one day, we barely missed a child riding his bike on the road. I don't know how old he was--maybe 5-10ish (it seems like kids look a lot younger than they are these days, imo). Anyway, the first thing out of our mouths was , "where are his parents!?" We were so outraged that this child, who was probably ok to be riding bikes by himself, was not being actively supervised. I think that as parents, we are not onlyh worried about our children getting kidnapped, but we are also worried about being judged by other people--worried that we will give them a reason to question our ability as parents. Another example: I was reading a blog about a mother shopping in a store and her child had a tantrum. An onlooker said something like, "Man, people need to learn how to control their kids". Parents are being criticized left and right for anything and everything they can be criticized for. If your kids misbehave in public, then people look at you like you are a bad parent. You may disagree, but I promise that after this happens to you a few times, you will be tempted to stop taking your kid shopping with you--or anywhere with you. If, heaven forbid, you do let your child out of the house and they do get kidnapped, what is the first thing people think? "Who was watching the child? Where were his or her parents?" And suddenly, the parent is on social trial. I wholeheartedly agree with this article and I share the same concerns. I just want to point out that it is not only the fear of danger coming to our children that tempt us to coddle them--it's other people and their judgment.


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;ibghu

9/19/2013 1:45 PM

Article was terrible, quit trying to justify the fucking whorish ways of this nation.


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Beth

9/19/2013 3:37 PM

Before you read another word of mine, understand that I did not read every comment. So, I apologize if this has already been said. But, here's goes...

I agree with this post. No, I don't think this list is extreme. If you are not willing to let your children try these chores and tasks in your home, where you can supervise, when will they try them? When they are a married? When they are in college? As a high school counselor, I can tell you this...either they learn to practice these practical living skills and tasks (read: responsibilities) in the safety and security (where they feel comfortable) of your home OR THEY NEVER LEARN TO DO THEM. I see this everyday in our students, in high school and when they are in college. For the majority of the students that don't make it in college, it has nothing to do with intelligence or academics. It is because they are not practicing responsibility (going to class, budgeting, doing their own laundry, knowing when to go out and when to stay in). The reason? They never had to do these things at home because their parents were doing it for them.

Remember this: When you are done raising your kids, the rest of the world has to put up with them. Prepare them well. What legacy will you leave?


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Renee

9/19/2013 3:47 PM

LOVE this!! I have a 5 year old that gathers all the garbage cans and empties them on garbage day, a 3 year old that gathers dirty clothes and puts them in the laundry room and a 1 year old that knows what, "throw that away" means...and he loves to help load the silverware into the dishwasher. There is nothing wrong with getting them involved in tasks that need to be done around and outside the house. It gives them a feeling of ownership and pride as well as accountability and responsibility. They are problem solvers and hard workers....sounds like great future leaders to me!


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JennO

9/19/2013 4:13 PM

Is Miley different than Madonna? Well, I don't remember Madonna's becoming famous by making a kid's show directed at 6-8 year old girls, who are now 14-16ish. 14 is scary enough for girls' parents without help from Whorra Florida shoving her ass into a man twice her age on a channel that's geared towards those same 14 year old girls.

I do agree that that's not what's ruining our kids, but I don't agree that it's over-protection and babying. Elementary school kids are pointing guns at women in church parking lots and trying to rob them. So forgive me if I don't think letting them go out into the world, just be home at 3, isn't a smart idea. Remember, your kid might not be able to get at a gun in your home, but his friend down the street sure can. Having kids have chores is great, and kids should learn to make their own sandwiches. That is, for the kids that are lucky enough not to be the 1 in 5 that don't have anything to make a sandwich with. But hey, at least those kids aren't being ruined by mom cutting the crust off, so they're probably good, right?

The list of problems with this train of thought goes on and on.

So maybe I am wussifying my kids. Call me crazy, but I had them to love, nurture, and protect, and that's what I'm going to do. Maybe that'll be bad for them. Or maybe they'll grow up knowing that there are things you can always count on, like their parents. Maybe they'll be able to take good care of their own children, because they remember being cared for when they were kids. Maybe my kids won't take over the world, because maybe my kids will be too busy taking care of the other people in it, showing the love and kindness that they learned at home. From their mom.


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Elsie

9/19/2013 4:28 PM

Parenting and fostering independence in your children has nothing to do with accepting/discussing/viewing Miley Cyrus or accepting that kind of marketing. You're trying to mix two separate topics into one.


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BigDBentley

9/19/2013 4:47 PM

As a parent, and now grandparent, I'm not sure I agree with this. I was raised in a different time, and the challenges that we faced were not the same. It isn't that I don't trust my children, I have a hard time trusting the society we live in. For example, I would love for the kids to be able to play a game out in the street, but I've watched the jackasses that believe they are in the qualifier for NASCAR come ripping through neighborhoods. It is just by the grace of God that more children are not injured or killed by these morons. Yes, kids need to learn and take responsibility, but we must accept our responsibility of protecting them from the dangers that they would not have the opportunity to avoid. Now...move the game to a parking lot or park and all bets are off.


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GlennB

9/19/2013 5:44 PM

Raised my kids (all grown up now) just like this post. In fact my 21 year old son said "wow this just nailed how you and mom did it". Nothing wrong with decision making at the earliest age. Practice makes perfect. And just maybe if we all let our kids out to be like grown ups we would have less creepers in a certain amount of time. I am proud of this article because it is as if I wrote it! Bravo!


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kbk

9/19/2013 6:15 PM

Last time I checked, my parents didn't hover over me until I was raped my freshman year in college. Some parents need to watch out for their kids a little more. My parents didn't care whether I was fed properly or got enough sleep. Last time I checked, every teenager has a secret life YOU know absolutely NOTHING about. And in response to the checklist:

1. I would rather have parents that give a shit about me and care that I'm gone than people that just want me home by "3 pm." 8 year olds need to have a little adult supervision.

2. As a kid, I wanted my parents to see how good I was at something. I WANTED them in a lawn chair to see me whip the neighbor's kid's ass.

3. When I was in kindergarden, I could barely tie my shoelaces, let alone make my own lunch.

4. I didn't have cool toys like this. Folding the laundry was always my job.

5. Our dog was twice my size for most of my life. Putting him on a leash by myself would've resulted in a trip to the ER with a dislocated shoulder. If a dog bites somebody while with your child, YOU, the PARENT are liable. You might want to join that kiddo.

6. Telling a child to figure that out is like authorizing a mess everywhere, that YOU, the PARENT are going to have to clean up.

7. No one except for Socrates likes the Socratic method.

8. Not brushing your teeth is a horrible example of this. That's going to cost YOU, the PARENT more money. For fixed income families, you just screwed the pooch.

9. Agree.

10. Agree.


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Dad

9/19/2013 8:28 PM

I am willing to bet kbk doesn't have kids lol.

I must see what you are seeing because I think my own kids get babied by mom. I'm trying to get better at changing that. There is evidence that kids were more creative when they had to figure out what to do with themselves. When they are told to stay outside and play until dinner, well, eventually they will figure out creative things to do. Without fancy toys and nerf guns even. Eventually they will find the creativity of making a fort out of god knows what. Bothering bugs and animals. Making up games. Playing basketball even though they "don't really like it" or It's too tiring". We live in the burbs and i'm teaching my 11 y.o. to ride his bike into town to other kids houses. Its like 4 miles. He'll be fine. And these days you don't have to spank any kids. Just take their phone or video games away and it's like the end of the world lol. Yea now I need to get mom to stop making his lunch, and reminding him to do his chores and when to go to bed. It's amazing how fast they learn when they lose a device or lose an allowance. Making progress towards a more independent future. :-)


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mnpetnurse

9/19/2013 9:25 PM

I am SO in agreement with you on this! I would love you to add:

Allow them to prep, cook and CUT in the kitchen with you. Little ones can in fact use large knives and not take out anyone's arteries. It gives them a sense of accomplishment to be alongside a parent prepping and cooking. So frickin' WHAT if they don't chop just right! They can be taught to be safe and how to handle a knife. Even if they do make a mistake, so WHAT! It is a couple of stitches in the ER. Having accomplished great kitchen time with an adult and sharing in meal prep far outweighs the remote risk of a little ER visit.


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Dominique Rose

9/19/2013 10:39 PM

Wow! I just stumbled upon this... You've incited a BLOG RIOT I'd say. Well done.

I normally only read cooking/baking blogs ... we never get this kind of action over brownies...not even the special kind. I bow to you.


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Julie

9/19/2013 10:50 PM

Agree 1000%. And yes, I did grow up riding my bike to and from school and yelling "Car!" when one was coming. I live in the suburbs and I hate those "children at play" stanchions that parents put out in the street. Really -- it's a CUL DE SAC. It's not needed, folks.


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MommaL

9/20/2013 1:10 AM

I agree with very little of what you said, OP, save for #s 4 and 9. There should be a balance between showing a child how to be responsible and expecting them to inherently know how to do things. Kids are not adults and shouldn't be treated as such.

I believe the best way to teach your child to do things is to do it with them. Every child is different and only the parents/guardians really know what their child can and can't do... and believe it or not, we know when they are trying to simply get away without having to do something for themselves, too. We know when they are being lazy.

When i was growing up, it was a different place. There were still abductions and the like but it wasn't so in your face all of the time. True, the media focuses on the bad things and sensationalizes the negative but that still won't stop me from disallowing my under-15s to ride around alone. You might see it as coddling to drive/walk/ride bikes with your children to a friend's house or school but as others have started pointed out, I prefer to keep my child out of a predator's reach. It may never happen but it's not something i am personally willing to risk.

I agree parents need to be open with their children. I'm not going to beat the Cyrus's dead horse but communication with your children is important.

I AM for teaching a child to self-sooth (in response to another person's comment.) Correctly done self-soothing, in my opinion goes like this: make sure all base needs are met (changed, fed, etc.), return for a few moments every 10-15 minutes until the child calms down to reassure them that you are still around and haven't abandoned them but leave them in their cribs then repeat until your babe has learned how to calm themselves on their own. It is possible to be nurturing and a teacher at the same time without being overly cruel.

I could go on, much as others have but i don't want to become too repetitive so I'll end with this: there is a third option that others have touched on here and that is to be vigilant and nurturing of your kids while still teaching responsibility. A well-adjusted 7 year old is capable of dressing themselves but if s/he wants help picking out his/her clothes for the next day, then who cares? And also keep in mind that for many parents, once kids (especially girls) hit a certain age, they may not even want you breathing the same air as them, let alone spending a little qt picking out clothes at night.

You have a few short years before they aren't kids anymore. Don't waste them.


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Vera

9/20/2013 2:36 AM

Sorry, not buying it. All the examples you give, were ADULTS. As in over 21. Miley is not yet 21. That is my problem. That she is promoting twerking and not classiness. A child can have class whether she is kept inside or allowed out every night. Teach your kid some CLASS along with common sense.


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Di

9/20/2013 5:29 AM

Madonna's bras and Marilyn's dress blowing were QUITE a bit different from the vulgarity this girl displayed!! This is just illogical; because other people behave questionably...it's acceptable to exceed that with shows like this? Uhh...NO!! As for the rest of it, you've got the parents who do everything for their kids and the ones who do everything in front of their kids!! You can't make your child your friend...you have to be the parent...or else, they may grow up like Miley Cyrus...ewwww!! And these days you MUST watch your kids...I imagine "Mother Cusser" lives in a really nice area where they don't have to worry about who is going to come up on the kids when they are out...but not all of us do.


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Kelly

9/20/2013 5:40 AM

though I think Miley is a pretty girl. If you have to wear something with the word "SEXY" on it to let the world know that your sexy.....than your not really sexy.


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Dana

9/20/2013 6:06 AM

You some valid points, but you start off talking about Miley Cyrus and illogically moves into not letting your kids go to the playground alone, which are two completely different things. True, it's parents who contribute to the Miley problem, but it's because they're not imbuing their girls with self-esteem, not making it clear to them that the end goal in life is not landing and catering to some man, not demonstrating in their own homes that relationship equality is important, and not talking to their girls about their subjugating themselves to the desires of men. Miley is showing them it's okay to be objectified, as is everything else. Yes, it has always been this way, but as women come into their own sexually, the combination of objectification and girls' over-the-top contributions to is bad.


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momofidtwins

9/20/2013 9:14 AM

It doesn't really bother me for my girls to see someone sexy. It's the making an ass out of yourself that bothers me. And for the record, my girls saw Miley's performance as well as her new video clip, and we all had a laugh!

The writer of this article really doesn't get it! How much did Miley pay her to write this?


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Christy

9/20/2013 9:42 AM

Oh My goodness, this has got to be the BEST article I have read in a loooong time. I can not even express how much I agree with this. I have four kids at home and everyone of them will tell you they "have to do everything" lol not only have they brushed their teeth, made their own lunches, household chores, etc. on their own but they get an allowance and I make them financially responsible for simple necessities (TP, personals, Shampoo, etc.) and I can tell you how many people chide me for this but how more money responsible they are now versus when we started this (I give them enough to cover basics and still be able to buy some wants). They no longer ask me for money for anything outside of school needs. PARENTS are to teach their kids and I fully agree that we need to stop blaming anyone other than ourselves. Kids will make bad choices (we did) and they will learn from then just as we did!!! Bad things will and have happened; unfortunately even to parents who are hawks ... we definitely need to each our kids about dangers, watching for them doesn't teach them anything but how not to be observant on their own, teach, show, tell your kids about dangers, it will help them more during a situation when you can not be there!!!


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Just A Person

9/20/2013 4:03 PM

I can certainly appreciate the frustration of this writer about the "Wussification" of America, as I've often wondered about it myself, but I think maybe she takes it just a bit far. I'm 18 years old and my mother or my father has made my lunch for school every single day since I was in kindergarten. So what? Doesn't make me a baby, it's food. If I was really motivated to get up and make myself lunch in the morning, then I'd do it, but at this point, my parents are still willing to do it for me, so why not take the help? It gives me time to take a shower and get dressed. I already pay for the gas in my truck on my own, and I pay for half the insurance bill each month, but if what this writer says is true, I'd still be holding out my hand every two weeks for gas money. I get it, you want kids to start being a little more independent, but in my opinion, it sounds like you kinda just want us to lead our own separate lives and get off our parent's backs while we're still running around in diapers. Hawks don't make their young go out and hunt for food without first teaching them to fly, so not everything has to be learned through trial and error. I mean, you do only get so many trials before one of your errors really gets you hurt...so why wouldn't you want to make sure your kid knows what to do in at least the big situations?


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Joseph

9/20/2013 6:56 PM

You are so wrong


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Melissa

9/20/2013 7:25 PM

I still think she is messed up, 1st its gross but also Madonna or Marilyn wasn't an icon for kids miley cyrus use to be on kids shows / Disney channel so she is there role model.. it freaks me out a little & is disturbing & i'm in my late 20's can you image what kids think !!! please don't email your cause it just what i think & stating a fact & i don't want to get into an argument..


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Frank

9/21/2013 6:24 AM

Everything is spot on on this one. Even the Miley Cyrus oh and guess what everyone she is no longer a little girl! She is a fucking woman who can do what she wants, with who she wants, whenever she wants. SHE IS A WOMAN!!! No longer a little girl stop saying she is a little girl people. Or did you not notice the breast she has developed? I am sure she also has pubes like every other woman on earth.


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Epic

9/21/2013 7:52 AM

As a teacher of high school seniors, I see the results of the helicopter parenting every day. My email inbox fills with requests from parents who want clear instructions for their kids' assignments (I give those to the students), who beg for an extension of a due date, and who lobby for a higher grade for their kid.

The parents fill out college and scholarship applications, write application essays, and hound teachers for letters of recommendation (because the kid never asked for it, and it's got to be sent TOMORROW.)

They go on college visits with their kids, follow them around taking notes for the kids, all while the kids are texting or tweeting. When students come in and tell me about their college visits and I ask specific questions about what they found out about the college expectations, the reply is often "I do't know, my mom wrote it down."

Many of those students go off to college for one year, and then return home because they didn't have the self-discipline to get to class and maintain the required grades without mom or dad hovering to make sure they were successful.


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jeff

9/21/2013 9:31 AM

how to be a shitty parent 101 haha


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VALERIE

9/21/2013 12:16 PM

Amen to all you said. Time for the parents to grow up.


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John

9/21/2013 12:50 PM

I just love how you self-righteously attack parents who want to protect their child. I know a mother who was brow beat with that until they finally went out without her triplets, and left them with a babysitter (a relative). Now they have to deal with the repercussions of sexual assault, and the mom hates herself because she did not protect her kids. Maybe you should mind your own business.


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Areal Parent

9/22/2013 12:39 AM

You have got to be the worst parent ever! If you even have kids for real. One thing is for sure, your talking out your ass. I don't give a shit what you think of the way I parent. And what gives you the right to judge me? Keep your stinking nose out of my parenting life. You had better think of one very important aspect of your dribble, if one parent takes your advice and lets their guard down for just a moment, and something happens to their child it's YOUR FAULT you stupid cow! You think about that.

As for all these wastes of human skin that agree with you, your most likely pedophiles waiting for idiots like "Mother Cusser" to help find your next victim.

Mother Cusser, you are scum. Take your article and shove it up your ass!!!


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Lindsay

9/22/2013 6:06 PM

Yes. 1000X yes.


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Christina

9/23/2013 10:48 AM

I liked what you had to say, as American kids are over-babied and dependent, but too bad you felt the need to SHOUT at people. If you're shouting at strangers via blog, I'm sure your kids get a good tongue lashing when they don't get home by 3 pm. It comes across entirely bossy; maybe stop telling others how to raise their kids and do a little more worrying about your own. Oh, and proper punctuation can go a long way.

I'm going to let my eight-month old play out in the street now. With a steak knife.


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irish14500

9/24/2013 6:49 AM

For starters, 85% of kids are being reared by the mom's with the Fathers being "pushed" out of the picture either by divorce or single parent choice. It is quite telling (statistically) that Fathers tend to let the children take more risks and do more adventurous things. When the Miley thing happened, all I kept hearing and seeing on the internet was "what did Billy Ray think", As opposed to "where was Miley's Mother", "Get over it?". It's a sad, sad thing when media and society CONTINUE to drum SEX, SEX, SEX into the minds of our young women. Porn videos surfacing everyday from women trying to make MONEY! Yes it's been around for years but NOW is the time to change the philosophy. For years, women have been fighting for equal rights ( Feminism ) and now they begin to make headway and they feel the need to use sex as opposed to the mind as a way to make money. This was like watching a televised strip tease. Oh but wait, we aren't allowed to shachildren.me young women for using the body to make money. Isn't that called prostitution? Thing is women won't take the criticism as a need to change the behavior. Instead they think "If I am a slut, I'm going to be the best slut there is". Another thing to consider is that the Government feeds and lives off the kids. From Family Courts, to Child Protective services to nosy parents. As a parent, you HAVE to helicopter your kids or else face the risk of having them taken away and adopted out so the Government can make money.


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Need Roll Models

9/25/2013 4:59 AM

Frankly, I don't worry about Miley. What nobody seems to have mentioned is the song that trivializes rape, that's incredible to me. What bothers me the most about it is that it is even being aired. The target audience of that music is our young people, and the fact that there has been no public outcry from teens and young adults is troubling. So what message are boys and young men supposed to take away? If nobody cares, why should we? " yeah she said no, but whatever, bitch wanted it"

You want to know who you should be worried about being around your daughter? The kid next door who sees all this and hears no dissenting voices from his parents, or his piers. Why do you suppose that is?


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Katie

9/25/2013 7:45 AM

I hate it when people slam Miley Cyrus for her VMA performance. At the end of the day, she's a 20 year old woman who's trying to rid herself of her 'good Disney girl' persona. She doesn't need 30-something women, or even worse, men, slamming her! We've all done similar things (well, maybe not similar, but equally as awkward and embarrassing) when we were young. The only difference is we're not famous with the whole world watching! She'll probably regret it one day anyway, so leave her alone...


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Katie

9/25/2013 7:56 AM

Also, as much as I agree with the whole 'don't wrap your kids in cotton wool', there is nothing wrong with making your child brush their teeth because GOOD PARENTS DON'T WANT THEIR CHILD TO NEED THEIR GUMS INJECTED AND TEETH DRILLED. SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?


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Need Roll Models

9/25/2013 12:08 PM

Just to clarify what I posted, I don't mean to imply that young men are products of pop music lyrics.

I'm perplexed as to why people are upset that Miley Cyrus is a normal, adult human, sexual being, and she is expressing that. What could possibly be wrong with that? It's normal and healthy.

In contrast, the song she is dancing to contains lyrics that allude to the termonology used by men who commit violent sexual assault against women, phrases used to make women feel complicit in their attacks.

Though this is unlikely to inspire such attacks, it trivializes the act and suggests women bring it on themselves. I'm not saying that is the intent of the lyrics, but it's common knowledge these terms are used in that context. The rhetoric sends a message that such attitudes towards women are expected. If a young woman is out dancing and is dressed a certain way, she must want sex. Even if she doesn't know it. I find this far more troubling than Miley's coming of age.


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Me

9/26/2013 8:27 AM

All these so called Disney actors are making thing bad for kids. Miley is a slut sorry to say. I wish Disney would remove all her shows. Her parents need to step in and tell her she is destroying her self. I am sure she does drugs. Look at her she is sick looking.


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CPR

9/30/2013 10:58 AM

Yo Mother Cusser! Good message. In raising my children it was my job, the father that took this role and ran with it. In my generation and perhaps even more before...the father took this role. Unfortunately many fathers have become weak with a dominate wife, and the wussy disease. They would rather be friends with their kids instead of a father - so their kids become like them - wussys! Hooray for you women who have the courage to raise your kids in such a manner, without a husband or with a wussy husband! Peace!


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mariah

9/30/2013 3:38 PM

There have always been parents like this, it isn't a new phenomenon.


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sarrah

10/1/2013 9:39 AM

I agree with giving kids responsibilities... Mine are 2 and 4 and they help with the dishes (putting away clean and taking their dirty plates, bowls silverware, ect to the dishwasher when they're finished) they also help put groceries away and clean up their toys before bed. They can for the most part get themselves dressed without much help and they help in the kitchen with cooking. However, I strongly disagree that you should let your children roam free anywhere without keeping an eye on them! Its not being overprotective when you're ensuring their safety. For example... Jessica ridgeway. She was 10 years old and lost her life to a psycho who just happened to be in the the same "safe" area that she walked to the bus stop in without her mother every day. Id bet my life her mother wishes and prays that she had just done something as simple as walk with her daughter to the bus stop! Sure, she was capable of walking alone but what's more important... Spending some time with our children or losing our children because we are too lazy to parent and ignorant enough to believe they will forever be safe in a world filled with evil people just waiting for the perfect opportunity to snatch a child who is all alone? Give your child responsibility and help them be independent enough to do things on their own and contribute to the world but for the love of god...keep aneye on your children. If you're going to teach your kid to play cars in the middle of the street then expect the day to come where someone who is drunk or speeding or not paying attention to hit your child. Children need to be taught how to be safe and cautious as much as they need responsibility and independence. Seriously, people who think like you should not have children. Bubble wrap is unnecessary but you should love your children enough to keep your eye on them. This is coming from someone whose parents took the same parenting approach as you. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have and if I had better parents in my life I'm sure they would have led me on the path to make good choices I would have been proud to of made... Rather than let me have "independence" to do almost anything I wanted to do because I apparently didn't need much supervision when I was 11 or even 17. Independence has a fine line between being a confident and capable person and being a wreckless out of control person. Without parent supervision you can easily wind up on the wreckless side and put your safety at risk. I don't think that letting your 3rd grader roam free is worth the risk to their lives. Could you sleep at night if someone rapedyour child when they rode. Their bike somewhere alone because of your conscious.choice to allow your child to do that? Or if your child lost their life because you let them go somewhere alone? Could you live with those consequences? If you can accept that my heart truly breaks for your children.


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Sally Gray

10/4/2013 5:47 AM

I agree. Period. www.canadiansassysally.com


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Annette

10/7/2013 1:27 PM

I agree 100% on Miley. If her twerking on tv is a problem for our kids, we are not doing our jobs. It wasn't even racy, it was goofy and weird. Which is fine by me. It might then surprise you to learn that I support looking after your kids lol! Brush their teeth for them as they will have those teeth for their whole lives. Small children are not capable of getting what that means, they are CHILDREN. Ugh. I agree to letting our kids do...things. I've yet to see a parent not let their kids have freedom. What we need is balance and less telling people how to live their lives. Maybe that's why blogs are about. You can't do what you do, it's BAAAD, but if you have adult ADHD snort, it's cool, because oh I have it too! Fuck that. Go live your own lives people instead of hanging on the words of one person who clearly is a bit confused. :) Batman up there is my hero. You assholes bullied him off the comments section though, nice.


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Ogniana Hristova

10/8/2013 8:14 AM

Just happened upon this. Followed a link from Mad Woman. Wow! I missed out on a really involved discussion! Thank you for putting all this out there. I personally believe in a more moderate approach. I agree many of today's parents (on this side of the Atlantic, at least), tend to jump in and hog all responsibility away from their kids. I have heard coaches in camps say that they have 4th graders, who don't know how to do basic things like zipping up their own jackets. Granted this is an extreme example, but said coaches claim that things were quite different even not so far back as 10-15 years ago.

I do catch myself infringing on my children's ability to take responsibility for their own actions. A small, but recurring example: it was incredibly difficult for me to pull back from making sure that they do their homework appropriately. Afterwards, I literally went so far as packing their backpacks for them in Kindergarten and even part of 1st-grade for the older one. But I have pulled back and let them own the care of their homework completely.

It was a really hard thing to do for me. Until I found out that my older son thought that doing his homework was important to ME, instead of to HIM! This was it for me! I am no longer hovering over homework. I don't check it as often. Perhaps once a week. And then, we talk about how things could be done better, and why we should do them better. But it is all his responsibility and initiative now. If he has questions, more often than not, I answer them with more questions, so that he can figure it out on his own. I still feel at this stage of his life, I should be present, but with some limitations.

On that note, I loved the specific suggestions you give in how to foster initiative and independence in our children. Family situations vary and these are certainly not meant to be universally applied. While my children do help with groceries, they don't normally help with laundry. I'm thinking I will give them more responsibility in this respect. :) I can't wait for them to be strong enough to handle the dogs (and they can't either!!). We've tried it before, but we've had some pretty close calls because our dogs are too strong and unruly. Hence, when the kids accompany us on walks, they hold the leashes, while I still hold the leash loosely in the back, in case of unexpected events.

Overall, it is quite a challenge to know when to be involved and when to let children figure it out on their own. I struggle with it all the time, especially since they are also constantly evolving individuals.

I, too, recently started writing about parenthood-related issues, mostly focusing on parent narratives, and if you don't mind, (I know time is our most precious commodity), would love to get any feedback at all. You can find me at www.wildangelfilms.blogspot.com. I'm making a bookmark of your site. Thank you and all the best! :)


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Rich

10/17/2013 4:16 AM

I completely agree with the blog post and not so much with Annette. Regarding brushing teeth for example-- my now 3 year old has been brushing his teeth since he was 2. There's this cool toothbrush that flashes light for 2 minutes. He stands and brushes, brushes, brushes until the light goes off. Initially, it was a challenge... now, it's just life. In school, he does tasks that have 52 steps to them. He knows all the steps... no problem. They are capable of plenty. Oh! I should mention... he has some special needs. I agree with not telling folks what to do... so take this as the anecdote it is meant to be. The value of blogs like this is sharing perspectives on a topic in rapid fire from real people. Seems like a good idea.

Again-- I'm an advocate of letting kids be independent within the boundaries of their observed capacity. That said-- I have 5 boys. The emergency keeps our charts at the front desk. Nothing seriously bad has ever happened... just kid stuff. What are you gonna do? Not one of them has ever jumped off a roof. Actually... that's not true...

One more thing about teeth: you lose the first set. They are the trial round. If you're still brushing the actual permanent teeth... well...

Regarding the thought that self-objectification is not a new phenomenon... the writer nailed it. We can be outraged all we want. I think that's pretty healthy... it's unhealthy messaging and the abundance of it makes our job as parents harder. But--of the hard things we have to deal with, it's a pretty easy one. Personally, I've elected to set the stage for the ongoing conversation by building the confidence in my kids with things like... brushing their own teeth. It should come as no surprise that when topics such as objectification of women, bullying, etc etc come up with my teens, it's pretty much a near nothing conversation. Without my actually having to verbalize a perspective, they have developed their own point of view--and it's one I stand by and they claim as their own.

Again--not telling anyone what to do...

Oh! Here's a cool anecdote. My 3 year olds school was having a picnic. A handful of the boys were climbing a small tree, bending the tender limbs and risking breaking the tree. I turned to then and said (without yelling... but firmly): "Hey guys--cut that out. You're gonna break the tree." What do you think they did? They looked at me for a second or two and went right back to doing what they were doing. Just then someone walked up to them and said: "Hi Boys-- let me tell you something great about all trees including this one." They stopped what they were doing and listened. "They are alive! They are living things like all of us. Their limbs grow and they become big and strong and in a lot of ways they take care of us. So how do you want to treat a living thing?" They answered with things like "give it a hug", "talk to it", ask "how was your day?". Then the woman added in her little Irish accent, "Why that's marvelous." And she walked away. The boys treated the tree in a completely different way.

I'm grateful to all parents who share a point of view I can learn from. I'll never forget that lesson.

And I appreciate a blog like this for aggregating these insights. Whether I agree with them or not... it helps me parent consciously.


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rich

10/17/2013 4:25 AM

One last thing... some of the folks who disagree with this post seem to think the blogger is advocating inattentive parenting. If it were a slightly longer post, I assume the blogger would have been more deliberate in saying... be aware of your child's capacity, but don't under-estimate what they can do. Expand their boundaries as they prove they can do more. Engage with your child without coddling them. Know the child you are working with. Know that they don't develop at the same rate. Interestingly, the post is being taken by some as a perspective on being a lazy parent. I think it's actually a lot less work to just do everything for your kids--you can be on auto-pilot and do that! To parent the way this blog suggests actually requires a heightened awareness of a deeper nature. That, to me, actually takes a ton more work. Which is fine with me. I wasn't expecting this to be easy.


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.

12/13/2013 11:30 PM

Funny thing was, despite television, my parents had a huge influence over my life, always commanding me what to do, what to wear, etc. It was school that taught me about smoking, drugs and alcohol being bad for us in my third grade class. And even after we got that message again in seventh grade or later, my peers wanted to try those things anyway. It didn't matter if they saw the consequences. A couple of people even told me "it won't happen to me" which is probably a typical response. When it came to television shows, aside from one, when I was always hearing on television how guys can be such pigs and be awful to their partners, even if I always guys on TV as if they were all that, all high and mighty and cool, it was the response and reactions to those things that I always came across on TV all the time that got me thinking maybe I should just be a gentleman. Never felt taught though to work out and be ripped like all the other guys seen on TV. One TV show I just loved so much that I'd be so caught up in it and that's when I'd actually do what I saw on TV, namely that show. All my parents did was keep me from watching that show for however long it took for me to be my own self more and not whatever I felt like being while in love with that show. Basically I was being detoxed. If that can work for me, it'd certainly work for any other kid.

Seriously. So many parents are just too lazy now. If not all. Even for fictional shows, no one can ever enjoy them because parents just want a fictional character to be the substitute for their job 24/7. You can't enjoy any show you find to be just a fun, seemingly harmless show because the god damn parents just want a show that makes a kid look into the camera every episode and say "Don't do this, don't do this, don't do this" then pretend to be a sitcom they can say they're proud of watching because that show is the one parenting their kids. While they can feel free to leave their kids at home while they go have a beer with an old friend, their kids just watch 30 minute PSAs pretending to be a sitcom or whatever genre.

Parents need to learn to just be a larger influence in their kid's life and to get them to start thinking for theirselves and help them figure out their own code or personal beliefs they can live on so what they watch can't hurt them or supposedly make them do something. I hate it when other parents accuse the television of making them do something. YOU can teach them not to let a show affect your kids. Otherwise, they should give up being parents because it's clear when they want either someone they never met (Miley for example) who never vowed to raise their kid specifically or a TV show to teach them about life that's saying a lot about two things. 1) the education system is shit and 2) the parents are too fucking lazy to actually be apart of their child's life and be a guide and help them keep a mind of their own.


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