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From Miley to Mercy 1

From Miley to Mercy 1

Why your crappy parenting means I'm practicing my Chinese

Author: Mother Cusser/Friday, September 27, 2013/Categories: Cussing, Tips to improve your life, Funny, funny, funny

<< Free to good home - this dog - and our country.

From Miley to Mercy – a weekly installment of the reason China is going to take over America.

So we all know that China is sniffing on the heels of the U.S. – snapping up companies on the down-low and on the not so down-low.  

Why is that happening, Mother Cusser? You ask me, so innocently.

I’ll tell you why.  

Because of you.  You big dummy.

It’s maybe a little bit political. Maybe it’s a little bit economics. Maybe it’s Obama and George W. Bush’s fault too.
But mostly, China is going to run the United States – because of you.

Like I’ve said already in a former blog of mine that went viral -  when this generation of children turns 30, 75% will be living at home with their parents.  No self-esteem. No ability to make their own decisions.  No clear understanding of how to move forward in life.  Because of you. Because some of you didn’t listen to me the last time I said this to you.  And you continue to coddle, over-protect and do everything possible for your little itty-bitty kiddies.  Your kids couldn’t find their own asses if you weren’t there to say, “Oh little Billy! It’s right there honey! You’re such a space cadet!”

And now – we have this: The MERCY RULE.

Ah the Mercy Rule.  Where we teach kids “It’s not nice to win too much!” Where it’s “not fair” for kids to experience losing a football game by more than 35 points.  

Hey China.  You listening to that?  

Here’s another one.  My third grade sons came home and told me that they are no longer allowed to play on the entire playground.  For some reason the perimeter of the playground (which is mostly fenced in BTW) has been deemed unsafe.  Therefore THEY CAN ONLY PLAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLAYGROUND.  I am not making that up.  I wish I was.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  REALLY?? They can only use HALF OF THE BLACK TOP to play basketball because it goes too close to the perimeter of the playground.  I live in Mayberry.  Our idea of crime is policemen sitting outside the local La Hacienda waiting for mini vans to pull out so they can give the parent driving a Breathalyzer.  “Guess you had one too many margaritas Mrs. Rosenblum.  Tell you kids Mommy’s going to jail and let’s go.”  

Arrested Mommy in my town!

The point is - there's not a whole lot to be scared of where I live.

So what then is on the perimeter of of the playground?  Your children's self-esteem.  And you're not letting them have it. 

So with the Mercy Rule we’ve taught them not to win TOO much.  And at my sons’ school we continue to restrict and strike fear and insecurity into our already coddled children. Let’s not forget YOU.  You who has given your children their own iPhones in third grade because you’re sick of them asking for yours so they can play Angry Birds for 3 hours because you can’t watch them ride their bikes because you have laundry to do.  YOU.  Who says to me, “I would totally do what you recommend but my little Jenny, she’s just a dumb blonde sometimes!  She will get: hit by a car, kidnapped, hit by a car then kidnapped or negatively influenced by Miley Cyrus, then kidnapped.”  For one second – tell me WHY she is like that??  Because she has you following her around telling her what to think and how to be.

Here's text from an actual ad in a Chinese newspaper.  "Free to good home - the United States.  Good food, beer and football.  Run by 30 year old adolescents who can't find their own asses and fear losing/winning by too much/playing near the perimeter of things/and being kidnapped."  

I’m practicing Chinese right now.  


母親 Cusser

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1 comments on article "From Miley to Mercy 1"



9/30/2013 3:10 PM

You are so right Mother Cusser! I have always wanted to learn Chinese! I guess I'd better start!!

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