<<It's not a kid friendly song.  But when your girls are old enough I hope it's not too late for them to do what Britney says.  

I said I would write a weekly installment about how I’m going to have to learn Chinese because Americans are raising their children in such a fearful controlling way that they will be living at home when they are 30.  

Truthfully, I worried a little because I thought, “What if there isn’t another instance like the Mercy Rule or my child’s playground being restricted so that they don’t play near the perimeter of it because of the boogeyman?”  Then I thought, “Hey that’s a good thing.  You’re helping make American kids learn how to kick arse again.  You can go back to your very, very funny and interesting humor writing and help Americans  LSHTAF (laugh so hard they accidentally fart).    You’re making a difference and assisting with digestion!  That’s a GOOD THING!”

But alas, it was short lived. A blog fan sent me this ridiculous article entitled - Mayor Bloomberg Launches 'I'm A Girl' Campaign In NYC To Raise Girls' Self-Esteem  - wherein it states:

According to the initiative's website, New York city recognizes that girls are struggling with self-esteem, and the city wants "to help girls believe their value comes from their character, skills, and attributes -- not appearance."

Different affirmations appear on each ad along with the tagline “I’m a girl, and I'm beautiful the way I am.” For example, one reads: “I’m clever, adventurous, outgoing, unique, smart, and strong.” The Times also reports that there will be a 30-second video played in taxis, physical fitness classes offered for girls in 75-after school programs, and, of course, a #ImAGirl Twitter Campaign as part of the project.

The New York Times cites The American Journal of Maternal/Child Nursing findings of “more than 80 percent of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat.” The ads hope to target girls from 7 to 12 years old in an effort to prevent eating disorders, drinking, and bullying – issues that kids deal with all too often.

As you probably already know, I HATE THIS CAMPAIGN.  Here’s why:

1. Appearance IS important.  I’m supposed to go on television on Monday.  What kind of impression will I make if I look like sloppy pig?  A sloppy pig impression, that’s what.  Would you support me if I stand here telling you my beliefs and then slouch, have a big fat gut and haven’t brushed my hair??  NO WAY.   Girls HAVE to care about appearance.  Maybe more than boys? But not much more.  Appearance MATTERS and can be the difference in getting the job or not getting it.  

2. Does that mean character isn’t important?  Of course not, dummies.  But like I said in this blog here we go again, telling our angels to believe in themselves because they just should, damn it.  You are not clever if you don’t learn, you are not adventurous if your parents don’t let you out of their sight.  You are not unique if you never have a chance to develop your own thoughts and ideas. Smart? Strong?  Sure, if you can manage your school work on your own and face consequences on your own without your parents hovering. Strong – if you are allowed to make decisions and know how to do the right thing.  But just NYC taxis telling you that you're outgoing and special?  IS A LOAD OF CRAP.

3. A twitter campaign? Is your 7 to 12 year old on Twitter?  Are you kidding me? This is a joke right? I failed to mention that this is costing the city $330,000.  Let me say that again.  $330,000.  Twitter got expensive all of a sudden…

4. Ahhhh the study.  I love a good study.  I work in PR and Marketing every day.  I know the value of statistics in the media.  It’s how we prove to the world that we know what we’re talking about.  Normally, I would break this study down and tell you how it’s probably not totally accurate, but who cares?  So what if girls don’t want to be fat? ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE, SOMEONE TELL ME WHY IT IS SOOOO BAD THAT OUR KIDS WANT TO BE IN GOOD SHAPE!  Why is teaching fitness and nutrition instantly mean they will be hurling up their healthy school lunches of chicken nuggets and ice cream?  Those eating disorders are real mental health issues and should be dealt with by professionals. Not a NYC taxi commercial.  You can care about your weight and appearance and not have a mental disorder, people.  

5. Bullying? Isn’t this a bit of a stretch? The study just said 10 year old girls don’t want to be fat.  Way to throw that one in there public relations people.  I’m on to your BS, because I also do that for a living.  

Seems to me that we could show our kids how to be feel good about themselves by letting them out from under our big fat thumbs and giving them a chance to succeed.  And fail. And succeed. On their own.   Guide them. Tell them what you think. But let them TRY.  For the love of China – let them TRY.  BTW – I love Chinese people, culture, food etc.  This is not a statement about China being a negative people or something we shouldn’t embrace.  But let’s face it, AMERICA, you still want your kids to be competitive right?  So what about German engineering ?  Or French cuisine?  Or Canadian...wait, there's nothing Canadian.  I want my kids to compete for jobs too.  And still run businesses too.  And play tough and hard with people that are just as tough and hard – so it’s fair and balanced for everyone.  Just like Fox News. Haha!!  Just kidding.  Not about the fair and balanced part with my kids, but about Fox News being that way. Because they are neither fair nor balanced.  And good lord, have you seen their anchors and reporters? They look like they just missed being picked for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue because they were just a tad too short.  

When I googled Fox News anchors, lookee what I found!  Wasn't she like the world's first supermodel?  WTG FOX NEWS!  She's pretty. Don't tell NYC girls though, because appearance doesn't matter.

But I digress. Girls?   Work hard, be nice, brush your hair and work it.  No one gets anywhere just thinking they should.
 
Get to work, bitches.

Listen here!