<<HA!! Just kidding. It's your thinking on your own that got us into this mess in the first place.
Five things you can do to be more like me which will inevitably make you cooler and finally, people will like you.
1. Always sing at someone’s wedding reception when asked. This happens to me quite often. This is because I can sing. I always hope that it won’t happen. But usually, after many drinks are poured – someone gets a crazy idea like finding me and getting me to: “sing something! I don’t know, just something!!!” I was at a wedding this past weekend and it happened. I am pretty sure it was probably the worst performance I have ever done – partly because the band didn’t actually know the song – and partly because I could only remember one verse and the chorus. I forgot the bridge. Forgot the second verse. So I just winged it and sang random words with feeling. I also sang the chorus like 6 times in a row. I figured if I just sang it as if I totally meant it, that I could get away with it. As far as I know, I did. Congrats, Shannon and Tim! Glad I could fake sing at your reception and pass it off as something good. I know you’ll be very happy together!
2. Wear boots 90% of the time. Even when it’s hot. Just wear them with skirts and shorts. I have these brown work boots and I love them and this is what I do, so if you want to be cool like me, you should do this too.
Note the sexy red manicure. I put the girl in cowgirl, y'all.
3. If you’re American or any nationality aside from Canadian and you feel like bullying someone, go bully a Canadian. Since I have like 10 million Canadian fans, I’ve been afforded the opportunity to learn about cultural differences. Americans are in your face. Australians are funny. Slovenians are proud. New Zealanders are few. But Canadians? Good lord, they are SO nice. You can literally say to a Canadian, “Stop being so dumb and stupid,” and they will say, “Oh yah, so sorry about that! Didn’t mean to offend.” They never fight back. It’s cute.
4. Next time you’re being interviewed on TV, be sure to dress as almost a complete clone of the person interviewing you. This confuses the audience making them think that YOU are the host and the host is just the stupid guest.
Can you guess who is the stupid guest?
5. Remember, everything is a competition. Everything. My yard has so many Halloween decorations in it I accidently drove past it when I was returning home from buying more Halloween decorations. Halloween is just one of the many competitions I am in on a daily basis. Right now, I’m totally winning the blog competition so don’t even bother with that one, suckers.
Try these tips and I guarantee you’ll finally make friends. If not, I hear the Canadians will take you.