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Welcome to the 7th installment of Miley to Mercy – where I discuss with you the many reasons your terrible parenting will ensure that your children will be living at home when they are 30.
It occurred to me that some of you may be new to this column so I wanted to briefly recap for you where this all came from.
A while back Miley Cyrus gyrated in a fuzzy bear onesie and shocked the nation. Many, many whiny baby mommy bloggers responded crying about how their daughters will now be ruined because of Miley.
I responded with this: What's Ruining Our Kids? You. Not Miley Cyrus.
It went crazy and has almost one million hits – so there’s the Miley part of the title.
Then I learned about coaches being reprimanded for scoring too many points in football games – so some genius invented the Mercy Rule to protect our darling babies from losing by too many points. Now you know the Mercy part of the title.
I began writing this column in the hopes that I can help change the way parents are raising their kids. If we can raise them to be confident, secure, ambitious adults instead of fearful, airheaded, lazy adult-babies then I will have saved the world. Singlehandedly. You’re welcome.
Here’s the list of all the Miley to Mercy columns to date. I suggest you bring the phone into the potty and have a good read! I would remind you to wash your hands afterwards but that’s not how I roll. You know what to do. So do it.
From Miley to Mercy 1
From Miley to Mercy 2
From Miley to Mercy 3
From Miley to Mercy 4
From Miley to Mercy 5
From Miley to Mercy VI
(I got fancy with the roman numerals)
And that brings me to today’s Miley to Mercy VII.
A dear fan sent me this article from August, 2012.
A deaf child is asked to change his name or no longer sign (as in sign language) his name because it looks too much like a gun. I actually just said that. The poor kid is named Hunter – so the sign is gun-ish - and I guess the school panicked.
Can you imagine being the parent of this kid and getting that call?
Um yes, Mr. Deaf Kid’s Dad?
Yes? Is everything okay? Is my DEAF SON okay? Being deaf is a huge deal Principal Ding-dong. He’s learning and making friends and doing well, right? Even with the challenges of NOT HEARING? Is he alright??
WHAT? Oh no! Has he been kidnapped? Negatively influenced by Miley Cyrus?? Hit by a car?
Worse. The sign he uses for his name sort of looks like a gun. But that’s the bad news!! Good news is all you have to do is change his name to something that’s less offensive when he signs it. I have heard that Angel is a great alternative. Or Jesus. Or Jesus Angel.
You want me to change my son’s name from Hunter to Jesus Angel?
Glad we agree! Let us know when it’s done! In the meantime, he will have to be homeschooled okay? OK! Gotta run, I have to go and protect the kids from their own hands and names! Buh bye!
And… scene. I played both roles beautifully, don’t you agree?
Jesus Angel tells Hunter - "Alriiiight!"
People listen. Stop being incredulous and start doing something. Tell your schools that we are OVERDOING IT. The more we try to shield the more we coddle. The more we protect the more we restrict! Tell the schools that these rules are ridiculous. Please let the teachers focus on education! Not hand-sign monitoring! What message are we sending about the priority of education when we stop teaching to tell a parent of a deaf kid to change his name because the SIGN LANGUAGE IS GUN-ISH???
But you know what? The Dad SHOULD change his son’s name! Support the school, DKD! Give them what they want.
And change it to Gunnar.
PS - The most notable "Gunnar" ever is of course Gunnar Nelson, of the band Nelson,made up of two grown twin sons of the famous Ricky Nelson. I don't know the other one's name and I don't care. But I wanted Hunter to see what he could become, just by changing his name!
Gunnar schmunnar - all I see here? IS SEXY.