Recently I ran across this article
I loved it because the writer makes it a total set up. You think that the patient is a kid just out of college, trying to figure out her way. You can relate to her a little bit because you weren’t exactly sure what your career path was going to be when you were that age.
But then the writer drop the bomb. The “kid” is 30.
Ahem. Anyone remember this?
All of you people who commented against my article – I will not-so-gracefully say “I told you so.”
Wait, that was actually somewhat graceful. Let me try that again:
I TOLD YOU SO.
Oh, is that not enough? Well my darlings I have a friend who is a child psychologist. He sent me the following article.
A REAL scientific study on the effects of over-controlling parents in which it states and I quote:
“Students who reported having over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life. Furthermore, the negative effects of helicopter parenting on college students’ well-being were largely explained by the perceived violation of students’ basic psychological needs for autonomy and competence.”
In other words letting them “be kids” while you pack backpacks (or stand over them as they pack barking “is your folder in there? Is your math book? Lunch? Did you remember your social studies sheet?”), do their laundry, tie their shoes, harrass the teachers about getting a repeat on a test, keep them “safe” via hours of electronic entertainment, ETC ETC ETC
You’re actually not helping them at all.
You are impeding on their opportunity to build self-esteem and confidence to make decisions, handle defeat and manage their lifelong ambition. Making them feel lost, stupid and sad.
Think of it this way – have you ever had a boss or a boss-like relationship where you are quite capable of handling a situation but the boss insists on stepping over you to handle the situation HIS WAY for you? He just leans over your keyboard and tells you exactly what to do - as if you’re simply not capable of decision making and execution?
How does that make you feel? Does it make you feel smart? Appreciated? Good at your job? No. Of course not.
It makes you feel frustrated, embarrassed and incompetent. It makes you not want to try. It essentially sets up the boss to do it again the next time the situation arises because your job satisfaction is through the floor.
By babying our kids – that is what we are doing. Think about it.
Give them some power and control in their lives. Teach them how to be successful on their own. To make eye contact. To be responsible for their toys, clothes and other things. Help them be productive members of society.
Or not. See what happens. Look at poor “Amy,” from the first article. Maybe by the time your kids are 30, still living at home, depressed and feeling like morons she will have pulled it together? Get your head out of the sand and think about it. Is that the kind of person who runs a company? Opens a business? Runs for office? Is that how we're going to get ahead as a country, with people like "Amy"?
Only if the world gets less competitive. And that ain't happening.