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Mother Cusser Cuts Footloose!

Mother Cusser Cuts Footloose!

Can blog writers win "Dancing with the Stars"?

Author: Mother Cusser/Thursday, December 12, 2013/Categories: Cussing, Pumpkin Pie, Funny, funny, funny

<<Am I too old to take dance lessons??

There was a car show in Nashville a few weeks back and LPP and I took the four kids to see the festivities.  

While there the boys ran from car to car pretending to drive and asking us questions like, “Can we have that Porsche?”  and “Will we ever get that Porsche?” and “Why won’t you ever buy us a Porsche?”  I never say “no” to these questions.  I always say, yes, soon and everyone will get one when they are 16.  

It never fails that they always look back and say, “Really??”  And I say, “No.  Now go away.”

At the event there were several booths exhibiting there.  Things like: water filled shoe inserts, electrical back massagers and dance lessons. Isn’t that weird?  It looked to me like whoever was in charge said to the person who’s actually doing all the work planning the event, “Hey, Jen? I forgot to tell you that we needed to fill those small booth spaces in the corner.  Now I know that the event is in 3 hours, but that’s not my problem is it?  So fill them with something, anything.  Don’t give them a discount.  Now go away.” 

My oldest son wanted the inserts desperately.  The poor booth guys were so needy and so grateful to have one customer that they treated him as if he had his own Porsche.  I hated to burst their bubbles by saying “no,” but an 11 year old doesn’t have knee problems just yet. I told him to wait until he gets a basketball injury in high school, like the rest of us.  

For obvious reasons no one was frequenting these booths, so out of sympathy, I tried the electric back thingy that was touted to be, “better than what you get at the chiropractor.”  I love me a good chiropractic experience so I sat down to be dazzled. A young gentleman placed a tiny square on my neck and it vibrated.  “You can turn up the sensation,” he said, motioning to the remote control (oh boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that…).  So I did.  The square vibrated more – it felt pretty good on some sore muscles – maybe I’ll get it!  “How much?” I asked, thinking we’re talking $30 to $50.  

“$150 for the small model.”  

I decided to live with the sore muscles and move along.  

And next to the inserts booth was another booth.  A DANCE LESSONS BOOTH.  The girl standing there was gloriously tall and 1950’s looking with bright blue eyes that said enticingly, “I will totally help you win Dancing with the Stars.”  She was wearing a short skirt and had these long, strong legs that you just knew were made from hours upon hours of doing the Lambada.

They had a contest where you had to fill out a card to enter a drawing to win a FREE lesson for two!  A free lesson???  I’m in!


I filled out the card and handed it to her so she could put it in the bucket.

“You win,” she said dryly.  

“But you didn’t even have the drawing!” I said.  

“You still win,” she replied, with a smirk. 

I pranced back over to LPP who was staring dreamily at a black Toyota 4 Runner.  “LPPEEEE!  We just won a free dance lesson!” I said excitedly.  He snapped out of his SUV coma to say, “Hmm? Okay.”  

I excitedly announced this news to the boys who also responded with, “Hmm? Okay. Can we get a Porsche?”

Tune in next week to find out how the dance lesson went!  Was it an epic fail?  Or are we Fred and Ginger?  Does saying “Fred and Ginger” make me sound like an old person?  What if I said, “Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke? They are a dance couple, right? Would these dance lessons teach us how to both twerk and stand still so you can be twerked upon????  

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