<< This is what all of our swimming pools look like in Nashville.
So yesterday I promised you to tell you the reasons that Nashville is different from all other cities in the world. While there are probably quite a few mean ones I could say, quite a few serious ones I could espouse, quite a few boring ones we could snooze through - I went and picked the ones that I find charming and funny about Nashville.
Here is Mother Cusser's list of funny and charming reason about Nashville that make this place unlike any place in the world.
I used to get really mad and embarrassed when I had to use my bathroom because of this musician. But now I just sing along! It's Nashville!
1. At the airport they pre-taped welcome messages by country stars. You walk off the plane and hear, “Welcome to Nashville International Airport. I’m Dolly Parton or Kix Brooks or Faith Hill and I’m telling y’all to have a great stay in Music City! Yee Haw!” That just would not work any other place than Nashville. Plus I am not sure anyone would know the name Kix Brooks in New Hampshire. But they might.
2. There is live music everywhere. It’s at the airport. It’s in every bar, club, restaurant, pub, diner, deli, in your taxi, at the dentist, at the gym and any other place that has a place to plug in a geetar and a person to play “Sweet Home Alabama.” (there is much irony there) When I lived in Knoxville I learned to HATE Alabama because they consistently killed us in football every year. So we sing a different version. Fudge You Alabama. Only we don’t say fudge.
3. You won’t believe me about this next one but I SWEAR it’s true. I could walk into my grocery store right now and walk up to a stranger and say, “My Mother’s dog has an upper respiratory infection. We really need some prayers.” And I GUARANTEE you that person will say, “I’ll be praying.” We pray about everything here. You sick? We’re on it. You having a bad day? Let the praying begin. Feeling lost in life? We got your back. It used to make me uncomfortable because to me praying is such an intensely personal thing. But then I realized it’s a powerful thing to have that kind of community support. So now it makes me smile. This happens, only in Nashville.
4. Nashville has terrible seafood. This is a no brainer because we are landlocked. Restaurants here try really hard to have great seafood but I’m sorry to say they consistently come up short. You can, however, find fried chicken and biscuits that literally melt in your mouth.
This guy just had Nashville seafood.
5. In Nashville, the gays are unlike the gays I have met in my lifetime. Here, because there is much Christianity and religion, the gays are religious. Despite the fact that there has been much said about how the bible says being gay is bad (or whatever, I don’t like to read the mean stuff) and also how because of the bible that our gays are not allowed to choose whom to marry - many of the gays here are active in churches and they volunteer and pray just like everybody else. They remind me of the Whos in Whoville. They keep singing even when Grinch-like people try to take their spirit away. It's really touching and admirable. And I’d never seen such religious devotion in such a persecuted group like the gays before – but it definitely happens here, only in Nashville.
6. We have our own television show. And it’s hilarious. Even though it’s not supposed to be.
7. You can wear a cowboy hat and it’s not like wearing a Halloween costume. No one cares. In fact, it’s expected.
Totally normal and expected in Nashville.
8. Same with boots. I LOVE my boots.
9. In Nashville we have a crappy hockey and football team. But it’s still sports. So you’d better believe we’re going to the games. Because sports is American, y’all.
10. Nashville is the only place that when you say, “God bless her/him” or “Bless her/his heart.” it’s a thinly veiled insult. As in, “God Bless her - she looks like she’s wearing a spare tire around her waist,” or “Bless her heart, I knew she would never develop a normal personality after what happened.”
The thing is about this is sometimes they actually mean it nicely. The trick is to figure out when it's nice and when it's not. If you've been sick - it's probably nice. If you've been sick because you drank 8 margaritas at Steeplechase, it's probably not.
I could go on and on. Do you have any I missed? Make them up if you can’t think of any that I missed – this could be funny. Maybe if there’s a really good one I’ll send you a free t-shirt.