So it’s been a year since Miley Cyrus acted ridiculously on the 2013 VMA’s and I wrote the famous “Miley Blog,” that launched my unknown Mother Cusser brand around the world.
It went all the way to United Arab Emirates. Australia. China, even. And of course, we all know too well, CANADA. Hi, Canada. Or should I say, Bonjour. I know I’m hugely popular up there and want you to know I find that hilarious because I am mean and you’re the least mean people, ever. The fact that I am your leader bewilders me but I’ll take it. I’m a way better option than your crack smoking Imperial Les Mayor or Le Mayor McFromage or whatever it is you call him.
Lots of milestones for Mother Cusser this past year.
This blog was featured almost in its entirety on The Bert Show –a nationally syndicated radio show that has morning programming – which as far as I can tell – that exists to make fun of personal information about its hosts and guests because it follows the Howard Stern model of talk radio. While I appreciate it – they are never going to be like Howard. Ain’t nobody like Howard. Anyway – they read it and discussed it - admitted personal things about their overprotective parenting - but failed to mention MOTHER CUSSER so that irritated me. Chickens. Here's the clip anyway.
What else happened? Oh yeah, I started going on Nashville’s local Fox network each week to say entertaining and controversial things about various topics. Sort of a blog interview segment or as I like to call it a Blogterview (as always, my marketing-isms roll right off the tongue).
This was hilarious to me because Mother Cusser is a name that could upset the conservative television public. Fox didn’t care. They would happily refer to me as Mother, and also say “mother cusser,” over and over live on the air. I would sit in the studio and act like my being on their morning show was my plan to begin with – but inside I was incredulous. How did I manage to pull this off?
So TV was fun for awhile and I made friends with famous local anchor, Jennifer Waddell, who I discovered is quite the Mother Cusser herself when there are no cameras around. But TV is a pain and is a lot of work and while Fox liked having me around so they didn’t have to come up with content ideas for a few minutes during what I believe is a 743 hour morning show (I think they actually start programming at midnight) – they didn’t want to pay me for my effort.
Plus I was running out of things to wear and had yet to be sponsored by a local boutique.
My first interview with Fox 17 we wore the same color. My second one I wore purple and she almost wore purple. Eventually, I would text her during her live show and be like, "what are you wearing," before I showed up at the studio. And she always answered me. During her live show. Even though all I had to do was turn on the TV and see for myself.
So television has taken the backseat. At least for now.
Another fun thing that happened was when I took on some national radio “personality” who wrote a blog fussing at a school that banned candy on Valentine’s Day. This guy, Todd Starnes. I thought (and still think) the guy was a jerk and said as much. Then I made plans to go on TV to talk about it some more. Well this guy found out and called the station to STOP ME FROM GOING ON THE AIR. ME. Todd Starnes was threatened by ME.
I couldn’t believe it. I am not anyone. I just made it sound like I was someone. And I scared somebody who actually IS SOMEONE!! This is true success.
And I have to hand to the local Fox network here who told me – “The show must go on. Nobody really knows who this guy is anyway.” I love a network that takes a stand.
What else?? I have over 2,000 facebook fans. A fan of mine made video of herself doing the Miley Blog as a monologue. It’s gotten thousands of views. Cool!
So now what is next for Mother Cusser? I dunno. People tell me I should host my own show. I also hear that I should have a book deal. I tell them that they are right! I should! But then I do nothing about it. In real life I’m a public relations/marketing exec. Seriously I am. And I’m great at it.
But not when it comes to me, I’m not about to chase down a publisher and fill out forms or whatever you have to do to get submitted. Same with hosting my own show. How do you even get a show? Someone needs to call Oprah for me and figure that out. I promise – when I am making millions – anyone that helps me will be rewarded.
Something tells me that’s not enough.
So I keep writing. I keep observing. I keep being pretty, funny and pretty. I struggle with the angry people who tell me I'm a jerk. Yet continue to revel and be honored by the comments I get from fans that tell me that I have changed their lives.
Even the ones from Canada.