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Halloween is upon us and that means I am required to write a Halloween themed blog because when there is an overarching theme to EVERYTHING (like NFL and breast cancer) I am to cover it.
I went to Google to see what fun stupid things would pop up when I typed in, “safety tipes for halloween.” Yes, you read that right. I wrote “tipes.” It doesn’t matter because Google lives in my brain (and yours) and knows that I meant to say “tips.” Google is the grammar and spelling teacher to us all. And mind reader. Maybe I did want to know about “tipes.” Stop telling me what I want to know, Google!
But I digress. I was SUPER excited that at the top of my Google search list was not tips for children trick or treating at Halloween, but tips for PETS during Halloween. I was so excited about this one that I fainted on the spot. These are REAL tips that someone wrote and posted on THE REAL NEWS. Happy Halloween to me!
Read on:
"Halloween night can be a stressful time for pets due to all of the strange noises and kids in scary costumes going up and down the street. It is important that owners are mindful of potential pet hazards that can sometimes go along with this fun holiday."
Wrong. Kids are not allowed to wear scary masks or costumes anymore. Masks mean you can’t see as well and scary costumes are…well…SCARY, y’all! Therefore your pet will be treated to various non-scary faces and costumes. So it's like living in your house.
Pumpkins
"If you are using a candle to light your pumpkin, a pet may knock it over, resulting in a fire. Curious kittens and puppies can also get singed by candle flames. Simply place Jack-o-Lanterns in pet-free zones."
My question is how did your kitten and puppy get inside your pumpkin? Probably because you placed it in a pet-occupied zone. And what is that zone exactly? Do you place lit pumpkins in places other than your front porch? Do you place lit pumpkins on the floor next to their food dishes? Here’s my advice – avoid putting lit pumpkins on or near your dog or cat. UNLESS they just look too cute!! Then you have to.
Costumes
"If you are dressing up your pet, try the costume on before Halloween to make sure it fits comfortably. Make sure it doesn't hinder his/her ability to move. A festive bandanna may be a good alternative to a costume. Always monitor your pet while he/she is wearing their costume and limit the amount of time they wear it."
Quite honestly, I do not know how you trying on your pet’s costume is going to teach you anything at all.
Since you do need to be mindful of movement and would likely look terrible in your pet’s costume, I suggest you do the next best thing! Go find a straight jacket, put it on and go for a walk. Do you feel hot, restricted, weird and uncomfortable and miserable? That’s because it’s unnatural for you to wear a straight jacket- just like it’s unnatural for your iguana, Green Randy, to wear a Christmas sweater costume. But he looks SO CUTE! And isn't the real problem that Green Randy has rushed us through to Christmas already?? I mean, we’re just now having Halloween, Green Randy! We haven’t even gotten to Thanksgiving yet! You're one crazy iguana! Who’s happens to be fire – Green Randy get out of that lit jack-o-lantern that I just put in your cage! That was for decorative purposes only!
Candy
"Be aware that tasty candy for humans can be dangerous to pets. Keep Halloween treats safely away from pets. Chocolate is poisonous. The artificial sweetener xylitol can be harmful, too, and is in many sugarless candies and gums."
Are you not aware that animals can’t eat candy that’s made for humans? My guess is, “xylitol,” is also bad for humans as well as pets. Plus, everyone knows that all the candy has razor blades in it anyway.
For your dog or cat I recommend sticking to things like, “Dog food,” or “cat food.”
Trick-Or-Treating
"Unless your pet is particularly outgoing, it is best to keep them safe and quiet in a separate room. A bunch of strangers visiting a pet's home multiple times in a night (and ringing the doorbell each time) can be stressful for them. Each time you open the door for a trick-or-treater, your pet could escape. Be sure he/she has a current tag and license secured onto their collar. It is another great reason to have them safely confined in a back room with no chance to zip out of a front door."
This tip really only applies to people with pets that have lame personalities. Is your dog being kind of a shy, whiney baby as you drag him around the neighborhood dressed up like Obama? What’s his problem?? That costume was expensive! Look, I hate to break it to you but that’s not a dog/costume problem – your dog just sucks.
You can try confining him to a backroom while he’s dressed as Obama, but he’s still going to be an antisocial jerk when you let him back out. Frankly, I think if he “accidentally” slips out the front door we’re all better off.
So there you have it. This years and last year’s tipes for Halloween safety. Keep the pumpkins off of your pets and ensure proper social skills by locking them up in a room all night and you’re sure to have awesome holiday!
Happy Halloween!!