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Dogs are people too

Dogs are people too

People who lick themselves and then scoot their butts across my carpet.

Author: Mother Cusser/Wednesday, June 5, 2013/Categories: 95,748 Pets








Real dog.  

My dog

"I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love.  For me they are the role model for being alive."  ~Gilda Radner

Roseanne Roseannadanna clearly did not have my dog. 

Toby or Toby-Loby as we like to call him is just a year old.  His favorite past times include laying around with his legs spread eagle and chewing stuff. I guess he could be a role model for being alive if your life consisted of airing out your privates and chewing on things.  (now that I think about it, I dated a lot of guys like that in college).

But Toby isn’t your run of the mill dog-that-munches-your-slippers type.  OH NO.

Here’s a list of what Toby (who is a small dog, btw, prolly 35 lbs) has eaten:
Cords that are plugged in
An electric drill (also plugged in)
A hammer
My shoelaces
The safety guard on the trampoline.  That’s right, I said trampoline.  He gets on it and runs around.  Don’t act like your dog isn’t doing that on your trampline right now.  Oh, he’s not?  That’s because your dog is normal and my dog is a jerk.
Grill cover
Top to bug spray
An edamame pod – one of my sons said “At least he’s getting good protein!”
Wine corks
His own bed
The hose
Ant traps

The fence.  Now that can be standard for a dog, to eat a wooden fence and try to escape.  But before we had our fence fixed, Toby would eat a hole through it, run to the neighbor’s yard and steal things and come back.  He’s stolen dog toys mostly but then the other day he brought in this thing:

What is that? I have no idea.  And if you squeeze it – it makes this god awful LOUD sound.

The other night I had this great idea to do a home-date.  I wanted to sit outside and enjoy the warm evening air, dress nice, make a nice dinner, have wine etc. I wanted the backyard to be just like being out on a deck at a nice restaurant.  So we put up the really colorful umbrella, lit some candles, put some sexy John Mayer on Pandora and had our date.  There we were looking hot, holding hands, gazing lovingly into one another's eyes and having very serious, intimate conversations about love and life.  I really started to relax and almost transported myself into a pretend vacation land.  Ahhhhh.   And then all of a sudden this weird honk blasts out our ears and jarringly reminds us that we’re just in the backyard next to that stupid dog.  


Doesn't that just put you in the mood for love?

I blame LPP.  I wanted a real dog.  I wanted the biggest one they had at the puppy store.  He was a Lab mix and was going to be a great fetching dog.  But LPP thought he had weird blue eyes.  So he picked the smaller black and white University of Tennessee Smokey looking dog and I stupidly agreed.

I should have known when he peed in my lap on the way home (the dog, not LPP) that there might be some challenges.

Actually, Toby is a pretty sweet guy. Good with the kids, always happy to see us and he’s got this really cool trick we taught him.  

Took me an entire year to get him to do that.


Role model for life?  I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Gilda Radner was high on life when she said that (if she said that. I'm too lazy to fact check).  Role model for guys I dated in college?  SPOT ON.

Number of views (7676)/Comments (2)

2 comments on article "Dogs are people too"


mother cusser newest and bestest bestie

6/5/2013 9:01 PM

1. I will never pee in your lap.

2. I will also never drag my butt across your carpet in order to get it clean.

Just saying....


Mother Cusser

6/13/2013 9:35 AM

Yeah but you do have fleas.

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