Author: Mother Cusser/Tuesday, December 3, 2013/Categories: Cussing, DIVORCE...
I used to think a lot about it. I don’t much anymore. I know that everyone says divorce is bad and “I don’t believe in divorce” (as if divorce is equivalent to the Easter Bunny or Santa and you have a choice to believe or not to believe) and there are obviously negative religious implications with divorce there as well.
Plus, I didn’t get married to get divorced. Who does? No one, that's who.
Is it possible for divorce to be a good thing? Is it possible that you can dissolve your marriage and move on and it’s a positive situation?
I’m here to say that yes, I believe it is. I believe in divorce.
I believe that you can be an adult about divorce and not bad mouth your former spouse. Even if you want to. I believe it’s possible because I have done it.
I believe that you can tell your kids that marriages don’t always work but families do. And I believe you can make a family work, even if it’s not the Leave it to Beaver family model.
I believe that you can be a better parent after divorce. After my divorce I cherished the time with my kids in a new way. It slowed me down to look at them and listen to them. We have equal custody and I also watch the boys after school so I get to see them for a little bit every day even on my off weeks. I believe that when the fog of a struggling marriage lifted I was better equipped to manage them and understand them.
I believe that your ex can be a better parent too. I see it in how my ex disciplines our boys. Without me there he’s now participating in a more comprehensive way. He is also listening to them better.
I believe that the new people in your life can benefit your family. My new husband has brought a beautiful family into the lives of my children. His children also have been welcomed lovingly into my extended family. I believe that love from many is a positive thing.
I believe that the siblings that my children now have are the most awesome thing I could ever ask for. I love seeing them play, teach each other, eat together, invent games together - is it all roses all of the time? Of course not. But really and truly – most of the time – our hearts are continually warmed by how they treat each other. Even in a world where parents sometimes do things in a confusing way, they have each other to always be a constant.
I believe that a second marriage can work. I have learned many things from mistakes in my first marriage. So has my husband from his first marriage. We talk openly and honestly about what we think didn’t work and what we know needs to be in place to make things last. It’s not perfect because that’s unrealistic. But we both have made our relationship a priority. Something I needed to learn how to do.
So I believe in divorce. It wasn’t a goal. But it was major bump in the road of my life. It’s a learning process that can be life changing in a way I didn’t know could be.
Yeah, it broke. And I fixed it the best I could. I stand back and look at my life and it may still be a little broken. But absolutely beautifully so. Beautifully broken.
It's simply just beautifully broken.
Number of views (5071)/Comments (2)
12/4/2013 1:37 PM
I agree with you - no one gets married in order to get divorced, but sometimes it happens. (Happened to me, and to my husband) I think we've worked harder on things to make this work, since we've both been through the big D. I think we're better parents for it, too. Not always perfect, but we did the best we could with the information we had at the time.
It's not impossible to have a decent parenting relationship with an ex-spouse (except my ex. not going there), nor is it impossible to deal with the new spouse/significant other in a civilized manner. Case in point - my husband, myself, our oldest boy, his mother, and her SO vacationed together this year. One cabin, one week, 4 motorcycles. It was awesome! When we go through/to Nashville, we stay with them. (Boychild #1 is in the Corps, and overseas) That's a place I don't expect many people can get to, but it works for us. It's been easier on the offspring, as well - a whole lot less fighting and a lot more discussion. It hasn't all been a bed of roses, but it's been worth it.
12/4/2013 4:12 PM
So thankful you are an Atlabeck now! Love ya, girl! Much wisdom in your words.